"Good morning and welcome to Personal Savings…”
Here we go, it begins – the rantings and ravings…
“At last!,” screamed the lady, “what’s taking so long?
To pick up your phone – I can’t stand that song!
Your service is shocking,
My password keeps blocking,
I’m ringing for hours and frankly it’s wrong
That I send you a cheque on April the third
And now it is August and still I’ve not heard!”
“Right-ho,” I replied, “so this cheque of yours,
Let’s look at this further,” as I stalled for a pause,
For I knew in my head
That her cheque was dead
And four months from sending? This was a lost cause!
“Can’t hear you!” she bellowed, “I’m deaf in this ear,
So shout down the phone, boy, and make it real clear!”
If that ear is deaf then why don’t you switch?
Try using the other, you crazy old witch…
“O-kay… so you sent it, but have you some proof?”
“What’s your name?” she demanded.I told her the truth:
“I’m Daniel”, “What, Darren!?”
“No, Daniel”, “You’re Darryl!?”
“No – Daniel, I’m Daniel! Not Darren or Darryl
Nor Derrick or Duncan or Dennis or Carol
Just Daniel, you hear me! Why phone if you’re deaf?
“Now please let me transfer your call through to…Jeff.”
Yeah, Jeff – he’s superb! He’ll sort it all out
He thrives on abuse and he loves a good shout
Just hold for two seconds
And see what he reckons
He’s never at lunch and he’s never in doubt…”
So long then, dear madam, I know that I’ll miss you
“And, oh, you should know that we’ve launched a new issue”
“A tissue!?…” she roared, as I slammed down the phone
But all that she heard was a dull monotone...