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crystal conifers - frosted firs

crystal conifers
tinkle with icicles -
winter's chandeliers

~~

frosted firs
tinkle with icicles -
cones fall


*the first version is the original; the second version was written adhering to the rules of traditional haiku

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  1. Dietrich Avatar
    Andrea Dietrich
    Date: 11/17/2011 3:47:00 PM
    Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Yes, the second one would be more acceptable for modern ones but I sure love those winter's chandeliers!! congrats on your win, Charlotte.
  1. Brown Avatar
    Carol Sunshine Brown
    Date: 11/17/2011 11:22:00 AM
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    Congratulations Charlotte on your win in this Haiku contest of Debbie Guzzi. Love, Carol
  1. Lindsey Avatar
    Catie Lindsey
    Date: 11/15/2011 3:04:00 PM
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    wonderful imagery! Congratulations on your win in Debbie's contest. :) Catie
  1. Guzzi Avatar
    Debbie Guzzi
    Date: 11/15/2011 9:48:00 AM
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    such a nice friendly image..I used to make pine cone wreathes CONGRAD's on your win! Light & Love
  1. Guzzi Avatar
    Debbie Guzzi
    Date: 11/14/2011 7:04:00 AM
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    Charlotte version 2 [frosted firs]will move you on in the judging please remove version 1 until after the contest is over..Light & Love
  1. Peranteau Avatar
    James Peranteau
    Date: 11/13/2011 10:44:00 AM
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    I just love this Haiku dear poet ! And I like the Alternative as well ! This write is VERY good ! Have a wonderful week Charlotte ! Much love, james
  1. Kendrick Avatar
    Sara Kendrick
    Date: 11/11/2011 5:32:00 PM
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    Great work..Enjoyed reading..Very descriptive and creative work..I like the line tinkling icles and definitely winter's chandeliers..Thanks for stopping by, reading, and commenting on my work..Sara
  1. Guzzi Avatar
    Debbie Guzzi
    Date: 11/11/2011 5:33:00 AM
    Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    It is very good you brought in a sound. You can work with this image but you must be simpler and factual. Yes Andie is correct no metaphors, simile, or personification for by using these you are the poet are telling us your judgement your impression which is not done in haiku..you need a new line 3 which is also in the FREEZE FRAME, momentary image and relates slightly to the first 2 lines, [line 1 also is not objective, factual you are telling us to you the icicles looked like crystal]

    Kendrick Avatar Sara Kendrick Date: 11/11/2011 5:30:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Debbie, That is right tell her and get her straightened out..
  1. Brown Avatar
    Carol Sunshine Brown
    Date: 11/10/2011 6:01:00 AM
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    I have enjoyed reading your poetry and wish you the best in your writing endeavors whatever they may be Charlotte. May inspiration come into your soul each and every day. I will stop in at the Soup and see how you are doing from time to time. Love and best wishes always, Carol
  1. loving iii Avatar
    john loving iii
    Date: 11/9/2011 8:28:00 PM
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    i'm counting sylables. i commented on your comment. if it makes you smile then that's what i want. you to smile my dear. john
  1. Dietrich Avatar
    Andrea Dietrich
    Date: 11/9/2011 5:11:00 PM
    Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Charlotte, I think this is a cute way to imagine the icicles. (I will tell you this: Debs is very picky about not using metaphors in haiku, so I hope this can do well. I happen to enjoy metaphors ANYwhere!)
  1. seraphin Avatar
    sarah seraphin
    Date: 11/9/2011 5:00:00 PM
    Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    * “What A Lovely Winters Image * My Dear Sweet Beautiful Charlotte * Makes Myself Consider Tahoe or Yosemite During This Time of Year * As I Beheld Your Beauties Name I Thought Myself * Yesss, Never Do I Pass Your Lovely Poetics Brush By * Always In Anticipation of Something Such As This * Jewel In Something Creative, Unique & Beautiful * My Luv, Always * Sarah.” *


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