I know of a lass by the name of Kelly McGower
Who would sing like an angel when she took a shower.
But when she finished and came out of the rain,
It seems that her talents would wash down the drain.
And if she attempted to sing one more note,
Her voice would sound like a rude Billy Goat.
Poor Kelly, to her singing was close to pure joy,
But she’d never share it with Shamus McCoy.
Shamus it seems was the man of her dreams,
But to sing for him would be far too extreme.
To invite him to hear her would set off alarms,
And how could she do it without revealing her charms?
So the poor girl wondered what else she could do,
To gain his attention and to be loved by him too?
Next door to Kelly there lived one Shamus McCoy,
Nothing special about him, just an average boy.
He’d stroll through his garden each night at the same hour,
And wait for dear Kelly to start taking her shower.
When her singing would start on the fence post he’d lean,
Until sweet Kelly and his soul were both clean.
For the sound of her voice would make him content,
But for listening to her shower he felt the need to repent.
So he got on the phone to speak with the Vicar,
In hopes that absolution could come that much quicker.
The Vicar grabbed his Bible to help save the boy,
Then he went to visit the home of young Shamus McCoy.
And while Shamus made confession to his lyrical love,
The Vicar heard the sweet sounds from the window above.
So transfixed was he by the sound of her voice,
That he called out to Shamus to be glad and rejoice.
He provoked Shamus into action to ask for her hand,
So young Shamus made a purchase of a perfect gold band.
Now Shamus is granted a concert each night,
And the songs that she sings bring him delight.
His love for his wife has made him complete,
And she now permits him a front row seat.
Still her modesty requires that he turn his face,
Because the shower curtain is made of fine Irish lace.
And there is not enough of it there to obstruct his view,
So to honor her wishes it's the least he can do.
He’ll protect her modesty when he comes to hear her,
By turning from the shower and looking into the mirror.
But the steam from the shower clouded up the glass,
And obscured his view of this beautiful lass.
So Shamus took action there was nothing more to it,
And that’s how Kelly’s solo got changed into a duet.
Let this poem stand as an explanation to the city as to why,
The water bill at the home of the McCoy’s is so high.