Worse Than Christine
I am a glutton for punishment, as you shall soon see,
I had an Austin Healey Sprite, or more rightly, it had Me!
Had I looked up the name in Webster’s, I would have known, oh, so well,
That to own and to drive one, was a short trip to Hell!
The word “Sprite” means disembodied spirit, or ghost,
I must say, spirit is what it had the most,
When I say “spirit,” you think that is good,
But I can tell you, only Evil lies under that hood!
Made in England, the wettest civilized country on Earth,
To not waterproof the ignition must have caused them great mirth!
To clean the windshield, I threw a cup of water on it, gave the wipers a tweak,
That miserable creation would not start for a week!
It was one of the smallest, by far,
Some folks did not believe that it was even a car!
There was an advantage to its size,
When the starter was broken(quite often), I could develop my thighs!
There were other parts, that when new, should have been in a dump,
It had the World’s worst, most cantankerous, electric fuel pump!
It would click a few times, then shudder, and stammer,
The only way to fix it, a blow from a hammer!
All the owners had one, tied under the hood,
The rock hard suspension hit the fuel pump real good!
Luckily, in Southern California, there is not too much rain,
Trying to put up the top, an adventure in pain!
I used to donate blood, but when I got the Sprite, I could not go,
Because of cuts and scratches from the top, I was always a quart low!
It was Pure Evil, with no endearing features,
But the final straw, for me, involved the most beautiful creatures,
Fathers would have been happy if they knew what I discovered one night,
It is ABSOLUTELY impossible to get a girl pregnant in an Austin Healey Sprite!