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EXCHANGING DREAMS: SHADORMA POEM

nette onclaud Avatar nette onclaud - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled EXCHANGING DREAMS: SHADORMA POEM which was written by poet nette onclaud. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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let’s try this treat: write a shadorma ( only 2 verses,  just 2) with this word prompt: here it  is…..CARNIVAL!..

i bet there will be lots of surprising renditions here; and that’s what I need!... jumbo points for creative imagery, flow of thought and poetic prowess…take this where you want but stay on course..

FINAL REMINDERS:

1.please put your name and title of the contest at the bottom portion 

         of   your poem. .. 2 verses only, no more , no less

 2.check  syllable/line count, spelling and grammar for accuracy.

 

 The  Shadorma is a short Spanish form, of six unrhymed lines.
As a syllabic poem, it has a strict number of syllables per line:

3 - 5 - 3 - 3 - 7 - 5


 THE WORD IS…………  CARNIVAL!

Here’s my own example :

rush hours (3)

gathering moments (5)

like whirlwind (3)

in fast beats, (3)

bullet train of time wheezes (7)

forgetting love’s call (5)

 


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EXCHANGING DREAMS: SHADORMA POEM

EXCHANGING DREAMS ----------………-------------- two old men with retirement’s eyes exchange dreams on a bench, growing tendrils of old age… as cosmos grows dim they recline like curled sleeves wrinkling, memories recycled on phonograph's needling tunes crossing young regions
poetic form:shadorma © *come and join my shadorma contest! blog to follow when TPS resumes full operating system.

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  1. Date: 8/16/2011 8:49:00 PM
    Those tendrils could be eyebrows, whiskers, nosehairs etc. I can picture the two old codgers sitting there. Fantastic write Nette! Love, Eliz

  1. Date: 8/16/2011 6:51:00 PM
    shining example Nette luv..but methinks this is not only applying to older gentlemen as some young uns have memories as well.. pleasant view of aging luv..thankxx.. good luck with this new contest.. luv the form..

  1. Date: 8/16/2011 6:03:00 PM
    Found this to be a most engaging piece Nette,

  1. Date: 8/16/2011 3:41:00 PM
    Hey,where is the new one??

  1. Date: 8/16/2011 3:18:00 PM
    I really enjoyed this shadorma on two aged men. Very nice and well written! The technical problem on soup is really giving me headache. I pray they find a permanent solution to the problem.I will check out your contest. Have a nice day,Nette!

  1. Date: 8/16/2011 12:32:00 PM
    a great write, very creative poem. thank you for commenting on Writers Block. I will be leaving poetry soup next week, we are doing away with the internet for a while, will be back later i hope.

  1. Date: 8/16/2011 4:41:00 AM
    I love the comparison of these elderly friends with "recycled phonograph's needling tunes." If only those of us who are growing old could return to the ddays of our youth "crossins the young regions." I have written for your contest but don't despair if entries are coming in slowly, dear. The technical problems on the site are driving some away. Awesome example of a shadorma. Love, Carolyn

  1. Date: 8/16/2011 12:01:00 AM
    wow, nette, this is really nice!! I think your contest has to be about a carnival? I like THIS one, which is not about a carnival. This really does justice to the form! Luv, Andrea

  1. Date: 8/15/2011 3:55:00 PM
    Wonderful imagery, Nette. I'm just having a go at the shadorma - you make it look so easy...

  1. Date: 8/15/2011 2:36:00 PM
    Subject matter-so very awe inspiring! Form-Awesome, I love this form! Creativity-Perfect, so very magnificent!! Thanks for the invite Nette!

  1. Date: 8/15/2011 12:29:00 PM
    Thanks for the invite, Nette, this one goes to prove that you are at ease with all forms of poetry and language .About the Shardoma contest i have put together some lines which as of now looks quite pedestrian and as such put off its posting for a while and if it turns out ok for me i too hope to join in, hugs, jag

  1. Date: 8/15/2011 11:02:00 AM
    Very intriguing form you've introduced to us, Nette-- thanks :) and I really liked your example, hmm for some reason I can't help but imagine Rip Van Winkle! and thank you very much for your kind words in my triolet, sayang nga; but super congrats to all your winners and thanks for your explanation on your tea cup poem, whoops, medyo ang layo nung naisip ko, sorry! Hopefully you all can post blogs soon! hugs :)

  1. Date: 8/15/2011 10:41:00 AM
    Thanks for the example, I have posted one for trial just now, nette

  1. Date: 8/15/2011 9:27:00 AM
    Not a so sad poem if one should grow old gracefuly..So long as he can remember to spell. To dream is a natural thing and to observe is marvelous. I am accepting your offer! keep up the write-up! Your friend in the pen/G.FIELDS KISS>KISS>KISS-UP^

  1. Date: 8/15/2011 9:16:00 AM
    Enjoyed the flow of this one..Good to read one that you have written to the form..Thanks for the honor of placing in your contest..Sara

  1. Date: 8/15/2011 7:53:00 AM
    oh .....I forgot to say ( I cant resist)..... ......Sadorma SHMadorma... .........where do you dig up these off-the-leash poetic terms?? L O L Young N :))

  1. Date: 8/15/2011 7:50:00 AM
    SERIOUSLY this is wunderbar.....no bulls*it Young Netski, you've cracked the safe now....you re a real poet .....all your stuff is unusually colorful and replete with meaning ( ok go get the dictionary L O L...I'll wait...) but this is REAL poetry....I am being serious here for a moment, so enjoy it ....KOC

  1. Date: 8/15/2011 6:46:00 AM
    Beautifully written. Giving you best wishes for contest. You have adorned with unique color. Thanks for sharing. bl

  1. Date: 8/15/2011 6:43:00 AM
    An amazing poem here Nette.An interesting form.Hope to try this form. Thanks for my placement in the last contest.