For nearly 45 years I never spoke of that day; the emotional pain was too great.
I simply hid it in the lining of my soul, knowing in my heart you didn’t stand
a chance with me as I stood in the rubble of my life and let you go, wrapped
in my heart with a wish and a prayer- all I had to give. And for 45 years,
I dreamed of you and me playing in fields of daisies under blue skies as
I cried inside, wondering where you where, and if there was a part of you
that somehow would remember me- would remember the bond we made
in that single moment we shared together, when the nurse held you up to the
nursery window for me to see as I stood on wobbly legs, with my trembling
hands holding unto a pole with a dripping IV?
I prayed. Lord! How I prayed that someday, by the grace of God,
you’d come back to me when the time was right.
So I lived my life. Got back up and crawled out of the rubble that was me,
and lived with half a heart that somehow still managed to beat.
With the passing of time, I bloomed; sometimes red, sometimes blue when I thought of all the years we could have shared as I sat and listened to family and friends
tell me of the joyful times they shared with their children, grandchildren
and great-grandchildren as, I smiled and cried inside and dreamed of you,
and all the years of your life I missed and, all the years I would never know.
It was then I realized I was a very lonely soul. So, I wrote and wrote and
wrote, never suspecting for a moment that nearly 45 years later,
you would find me through a poem I wrote for you.
I know I can never replace the mother and father who raised you, for the bonds
of time shared are much stronger than blood. Yet knowing what a wonderful
women you turned out to be, beautiful, intelligent, compassionate
and now with a daughter of your own, is enough for me, and someday
when the time is right for you, I hope and pray , we will meet again.
This is a true story. It was through this forum ( poetrysoup ) my birth daughter found me.