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THE VIRGIN

A surly old maid
had an urge to be laid
and bemoaned her virginal status
with life discontented
her plight she lamented:
"'tis not easy to live without coitus."

A scheme she invented
got polished and scented
tweaked her pointers to swing more voluptuous
with a rose-scented blanket
and aphrodisiac banquet
whisked her beau to the beach to be fructuous 

Clad in scant mini
whence peeked her bikini
bent on bidding her cherry adieu
purred words mildly profane 
wined him champagne
dined him fare with venereal value 

To hone his libido
entrèed on baked avo
oysters, scallops and honey-glazed almond
lips enticingly luscious
sucked asparagus
sneaked a look if what matters had hardened

As was he, she became cocky:
ogled what was now stocky
with no inhibition she fussed and she flirted
our virgin opened her mouth
with one hand down south
loosened a knot and lay there unskirted

Decidedly heady
her lover was ready
to pick her rosebud unsoiled hitherto
her lush lips he fingered
where he lovingly lingered
to prepare for their kissing debut

With a bolt sat upright
said, his voice somewhat tight:
"Your mouth is a pit of infection.
I swear I was keen
but your mouth lacks hygiene
foul breath made me lose my erection."

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  1. Date: 5/11/2013 8:13:00 PM

    Oh Licia....this is AMAZING! I was just on my way to read Voice in my Head and I had to stop here. I'm glad I did. How do you do it, woman? I'm amazed! I do feel sorry for her, though! I mean so went through all that trouble to be outdone by halitosis! Great write! Guess the cherry is still...ummmm...intact? I can't even do this with any amount of wit! HA HA!

  1. Date: 5/11/2013 8:13:00 PM

    Oh Licia....this is AMAZING! I was just on my way to read Voice in my Head and I had to stop here. I'm glad I did. How do you do it, woman? I'm amazed! I do feel sorry for her, though! I mean so went through all that trouble to be outdone by halitosis! Great write! Guess the cherry is still...ummmm...intact? I can't even do this with any amount of wit! HA HA!

  1. Date: 5/9/2013 3:43:00 PM

    Now I'd of turned her over lol, Do love your humour, Take care, Richard

  1. Date: 5/4/2013 8:00:00 AM

    Bad breath would not stop many, must have been really really bad *lol*.

  1. Date: 3/10/2013 6:28:00 AM

    Such a sorry old maid who couldn't get laid when her hero's erected penis detected the death in her breath for his pride and his joy his favorite toy and erstwhile real McCoy. he could not now deploy in ways she'd enjoy.

    hendricks Avatar delysia hendricks Date: 3/10/2013 7:06:00 AM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Your comments crack me up. There's a good poem in there, my friend. I'm considering stealing your phrase "erstwhile real McCoy". Thanks for commenting. :)
  1. Date: 2/8/2013 12:52:00 PM

    I can really identify with the old maid...

  1. Date: 11/12/2012 11:43:00 AM

    Absolutely Hilarious poem. And with a twist and the end. Very funny. Great work.

  1. Date: 8/25/2012 1:55:00 PM

    rereading this one. You are really great with humorous poetry. KEEP it UP.

  1. Date: 8/19/2012 6:04:00 PM

    Spot on. Halitosis is something everybody has in mind even when waxing eloquent on a poem on kissing. This one is very funny and wellwritten. I love your expressions and freedom with which the subject was dealt.!! Jag

  1. Date: 6/11/2012 9:01:00 PM

    Yes, I'm readingagain,howcould I help it?

  1. Date: 9/3/2011 10:38:00 AM

    hahaha! very clever, very naughty, but niiiiice! enjoyed this muchly. i see your ephology studies are going well, lol. muchly much love, xxxxx, eph.

  1. Date: 8/22/2011 4:15:00 PM

    Congratulations on your placement in Moses' "Boisterous Comedy" contest Delysia. Love, Carol

  1. Date: 8/22/2011 3:58:00 PM

    Congratulations on the win in the contest of John, delysia

  1. Date: 8/22/2011 10:32:00 AM

    Great win. Good for you. Tony

  1. Date: 8/21/2011 10:31:00 PM

    Thanks Delysia for your humorous write entry in support of my contest. Agape, Moses

  1. Date: 8/21/2011 5:26:00 PM

    hey Delysia congrats on your great win David

  1. Date: 8/21/2011 4:46:00 PM

    congrats delysia on your fantastic win with this witty write for the contest luv.. how have u been sweetie? enjoy top ten sweet success luv.. we are on vacation in Florida..oh hot ..oh luv it..

  1. Date: 8/9/2011 10:38:00 PM

    Oh sweetie, I miss your awsome verse and had to come back to read some more. We wait holding the breath for something new. This is so funny and needs to be read many times.

  1. Date: 7/4/2011 8:47:00 PM

    I.. am lost for words... This is naughty... All I can say is.... MORE GIRLFRIEND

  1. Date: 6/26/2011 12:05:00 AM

    Coming back to this one. I just love it. It was not for any contest, was it?

  1. Date: 6/25/2011 12:31:00 PM

    awesome rhyme with loads of humor - love it.

  1. Date: 6/22/2011 6:42:00 PM

    hahaha Maybe he should have had some of that "V". Or perhaps she could try some toothpaste instead of perfume. This is a good one my friend. Aces. Great job. God Bless, JB

  1. Date: 6/19/2011 7:28:00 AM

    cherry adieu--Ha...Really original lines ya got here. though the lolita was hot, her breath sure was not!---I'm glad you were patient with the redneck poem. I revised it a bit to make it slightly easier to read. I think I went a bit overboard with the Drawl! It's all in good fun though! try it again if u will. take care! Very nice 7rate poem you wrote here!

  1. Date: 6/18/2011 4:36:00 PM

    Holey suffering moley batman, very good with a lethal twist of the worm, think you broke its neck, what the heck. loved it babe, Don

  1. Date: 6/18/2011 8:20:00 AM

    Wow, awesome piece luv. I had a ball reading this.

  1. Date: 6/18/2011 6:01:00 AM

    Terrific piece Delysia,I agree with Carolyn, you are indeed a wonderful writer. Many thanks for all your kind words. Have a lovely weekend :)

  1. Date: 6/17/2011 1:14:00 PM

    wowee delysia this is more than fantastic or creative.. a stunner .. a delight.. great language and vocab in rhyme so bright .. luv rhyme myself.. the story is terrific.. and the end is fabulous.. a wowee wow..my friend.. awesome beyond amazing.. kudos to your talent luv..

  1. Date: 6/16/2011 8:40:00 PM

    hahahaha, I thought you were gonna say her false teeth had fallen out or something. I really enjoyed this one. Awesome humor. You should have had this one in PD's funny contest a while back It would have given my Gotta Go poem a run for its money!

  1. Date: 6/16/2011 6:41:00 PM

    Hello D.K.~~,,, Form~ DRAMATIC-MONOLOGUE~ **CATAGOREY - Epic, confusion, and educational *** , title~ Falling Bridges

    A  Avatar Poet Destroyer A Date: 6/16/2011 6:42:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    and thank you for the typo... correction,, i don't.. mind..
  1. Date: 6/16/2011 6:38:00 PM

    Delysia, I was just telling Joyce about the incredible new talent we have with your presence here. I hope you stick with the Soup and keep writing because you rock! Love, Carolyn

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