This poem is based on how I felt when my mother was severely ill for over a year in 2010. During that period my mother was misdiagnosed 5 times and each diagnosis was worse than the last but the 5th one was the worst of them all - Lung Cancer. This misdiagnosis tore my family apart and created so much misery that not even the funniest of all jokes could spark a smile on anyone's face. I, myself, felt a lot of guilt due to the fact that I was 180 miles away from home and thus unable to do anything for my mother - my younger brother cared for her at only 15 and he saw things he should never had to have seen in his life but regardless of his age he was brave and kept our mother calm whenever she was suffering badly; he became a man at 15. However, it was not Lung Cancer and they still do not have a diagnosis but those doctors cause my to tear apart and we are still trying our best to rekindle the close bonds we had. I hope this poem reflects this time and how I felt at time.
The phone rings innocently.
Who is at the other side?
Could be no one then yet a peculiar feeling tells
me it is the bearer of bad news.
Still I answer hoping I am wrong.
My mother is ill, trapped between two worlds;
the worlds of fear and courage.
My ears hear every word but my mind has created a
sudden barrier that nothing seems to
penetrate like some sort of
steel web of unwanted denial.
Fear floods my body like a torrent
river flow, eroding strength
How much longer can I bare it?
Never it seems but hope still glimmers
regardless of how dim.
Miles are between us,
I feel numb and unexpectedly lost.
Where am I?
It’s certainly not here in the presence
of fallen angels.
The bell of hope strikes a sharp note creating a
gentle chime awaking my
senses to the news,
they are sharpened making
the fear of loss suddenly
commanding, corrupting my
inner strength making it weak.
I continue to listen all the
while my body is screaming
The voice stopped, I hung up,
the pain and fear never lessened.
Time went by all the while my
mind was constantly in a state
of anguish and grief.
Endless stories were created,
each one worse than the last.
My family begun to shatter like
a broken mirror, reflecting only
the scars of misery and needless
Hope still glimmered but appeared
distant and out of reach.
My mind grew tender, endless misery
has eaten away at my last thoughts
The sting of fear created heartache
for the bond between mother and child
was nearly severed,
severed by the hands of
an unwanted deity.
A deity of life itself.