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not a fan

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Below is the poem entitled not a fan which was written by poet joy bohland. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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not a fan

I should say
I respect the way
you've come along
since killing off your demons.

But this is what I wish I'd said
that no one would get,
probably think I'm jealous.
That's cute. Yeah thats a good one.
That's cute, yeah that's a good one.

Admiration 
runs through them
like blood
to vital organs
that drops them to their knees
on the sidewalk nearest your home;
while I stand upright
saying: did I miss something?

I'm sorry,
when I see 
you all I see
is an upside down,
crazy, clown-
filled town, 
where normality 
is searched for 
and when found 
is quickly drowned
in chaos and calamity
that sounds 
like someone 
screaming 
look at me!
Look at me!

When I hear 
you all I hear 
are quivers 
coming from
somewhere near,
under the sea,
trying to swallow me.
The quivers and shakes
begin to create
massive walls 
made up of water
thats trying 
to overtake today
and make it your day.

They admire you,
think you're great.
beautifully faulty
yet no mistakes.

But to me 
you're a hurricane/ tornado mess
of chaos and a dab of selfish.
Look at me! Look at me!
Listen, you don't have to say it anymore.
Look around, 
you have everyone's attention and maybe more.
Except for me.
I love you, just not a fan.
I think everyone 
can stand 
a little improvement 
and you're no exception.

Even on my good day,
you try to take it all away.
I used to say: here take it.
But not anymore.
Today is my day
and it is not yours.

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