I read a journalist’s quotes
Telling a new theory
That depression is good for you -
At least, good for the species.
All that rumination -
some scientist on the make
reckons in his latest piece –
Sets us free.
Most remarkable of all:
They are dogged, the depressed –
he says, this scientist who I ain’t met.
They crack through with new ideas.
Well, nice theory, mate:
But you never asked me.
And if persistence is the same as being stuck,
I guess you’ve got me.
But depression gives me no
evolutionary advantage for art.
It does not serve this artist’s work.
It has cursed me.
Thirty years of wandering now
- lost, not persisting -
In the borderlands
Where reason and his twin fight.
Not knowing which is which
for days at a time.
Forgetting all the great plans
Laid but a fortnight ago.
Ever distrustful of the latest thought.
Each day of life needing
More simplicity -
A list of simple tasks –
a run, good sleep, small sessions of writing.
Yes, literature and creation
Loom large to keep this life going.
But without my pills
Those creations would have sunk
Under the weight of my own confusion.