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The First Kiss or That Darn Ann Landers

Joe Flach Avatar Joe Flach - LIFETIME Premium Member Joe Flach - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled The First Kiss or That Darn Ann Landers which was written by poet Joe Flach. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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The First Kiss or That Darn Ann Landers

Son of a gun we were still young;
only 15 years gone by.
You were the first my kissing bubble to burst, 
and for you, I think so was I.
I wanted to start putting other parts 
of our bodies in the field of play;
But you stopped it instead as you paused and read 
what Ann Landers had written to say:

Keep your petting on the outside, keep your tongues inside your mouth,
Keep your hands north of the border, don’t let them travel south.
There’s no use in trying to rush things and ruin the rest of your life,
So just hold his hands and hug him until you’re man and wife.

You stuck to your creed in spite of my plea, 
and I didn’t want to press you;
So your hand I would hold and my tongue I would fold, 
even though I want to undress you.
Late at night my conscience I’d fight, 
still awake in my lonely bed;
Thinking of you and what I would do 
if these words weren’t still stuck in my head:

Keep your petting on the outside, keep your tongues inside your mouth,
Keep your hands north of the border, don’t let them travel south.
There’s no use in trying to rush things and ruin the rest of your life,
So just hold his hands and hug him until you’re man and wife.

I followed your rules, played it cool
for the first ten to twenty dates;
But by the end of the year to me it was clear 
we wouldn’t be tempting our fate.
So we parted our ways; ending our days 
to see other people instead;
As I set forth looking of course 
for a girl who hadn’t read:

Keep your petting on the outside, keep your tongues inside your mouth,
Keep your hands north of the border, don’t let them travel south.
There’s no use in trying to rush things and ruin the rest of your life,
So just hold his hands and hug him until you’re man and wife.

More than thirty years have disappeared; 
For me two wives and four kids.
And as for you, I hear it’s true, 
that getting married you never did.
I’ll never forget and never regret
That first kiss where we both did live;
And though I did slander poor ole Ms. Landers 
to my daughter this advice I now give.

Keep your petting on the outside, keep your tongues inside your mouth,
Keep your hands north of the border, don’t let them travel south.
There’s no use in trying to rush things and ruin the rest of your life,
So just hold his hands and hug him until you’re man and wife.

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  1. Date: 12/21/2013 8:53:00 AM

    It is too bad that wisedom only matures with age. Thank you for this honest poem.

  1. Date: 12/19/2013 3:32:00 PM

    Joe - your poem rhythms well and is empathetic, moving and funny. Best wishes, Peter Peter Dorr 19/12/13

  1. Date: 12/19/2013 9:34:00 AM

    Hi Joe - If I mentioned Ann Landers to any of my kids of eligible age (long time ago) they'd say WHOOOO Whatt, You've got to be kidding me. Great poem. The nuns would not allow the boys to put their hands in the pockets. Didn't even know why at the time. love, Kathy

  1. Date: 12/18/2013 11:49:00 PM

    Great poem Joe. Good teaching FOR OUR children. Thanks for sharing. JM

  1. Date: 12/18/2013 5:29:00 PM

    Yes, supercool, and great humour as well. Love the rhythm.

  1. Date: 12/18/2013 4:34:00 PM

    This is likely the greatest poetry I have ever read and it could easily be a hit song across our nation sung by that guy who sang, "When everything is gone" Sounds like you were little boy in love and no one else would do. Now that you know this, might be time to pick up the phone! .

  1. Date: 3/30/2013 4:23:00 PM

    Joe, this endures a good flowing rhyming poem. Many Blessings with your Featured Poem of the week. By the way no matter my blue color or tune I am always here, spreading the colorful cheer.....Happy Easter!" xox~ LINDA

  1. Date: 3/25/2013 10:40:00 AM

    Congrats Joe on the featured write.

  1. Date: 3/24/2013 7:41:00 PM

    Oh Joe..congrats first on the featured spot..and it is different huh? Paws on your baby. So sweet....great job and I know as your daughter gets older she will come to love this..Donna

  1. Date: 3/15/2012 7:07:00 PM

    Awesome Joe! Made me laugh out loud. Witty and clever! This goes to my faves : )

  1. Date: 3/30/2011 12:59:00 AM

    Not only a wonderful poem, informative, but full of advice, enjoyed this awesome inspirational piece Joe, congrats. Harry

  1. Date: 3/29/2011 3:02:00 PM

    great story behind the the story.

  1. Date: 3/29/2011 11:10:00 AM

    Congratulations on your win Joe in Debbie Guzzi's contest "The Rhyme Inside". Love, Carol

  1. Date: 3/29/2011 9:53:00 AM

    You know, Joe, I think I actually remember reading the Ann Landers' column that offered this advice. Ladies always liked reading her and took her advice to heart. What a shame the girl for whom this was written never married. It seems she caused you a lot of frustration as a young man. Enjoyed the humor very much, Joe. Congratulations on our big win in Deb's contest. Love, Carolyn

  1. Date: 3/29/2011 8:26:00 AM

    This was such a fun poem to share! Brought a smile!! Congrats on your win!!

  1. Date: 3/29/2011 4:37:00 AM

    Congratulations on the second place win in the contest, Joe

  1. Date: 3/28/2011 9:20:00 PM

    Way to go with this very clever poem, Joe. I LOVE IT. I agree with dear Ann. hahaha

  1. Date: 3/28/2011 9:13:00 PM

    Joe - Many Congrats on big win with this superb creative write. Luv & Best wishes-Hitendra Mehta

  1. Date: 3/28/2011 8:50:00 PM

    A lovely tale of your first kiss. Warm congrats for this win.

  1. Date: 3/28/2011 7:36:00 PM

    Congrats Joe on your super second place win in Debbie's cool contest luv.. with this excellent entry and rhyme sequence.. great win..

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