I was shopping at the mall, and who did I see?
Santa Clause was there, waiting to take a picture with me.
I knocked over a bunch of kids that were standing in line.
"I'm sorry, little brats, but I'm gonna get mine!"
I jumped on Santa's lap and punched him right in the face.
I could hear kids start crying all over the place.
"That's right kids, cry! I'm about to take Santa's life!"
I reached in my pocket and I pulled out a knife.
I said, "Listen up, fatty! All I want is your sled,
and a big bag of cash, or else you're gonna be dead!"
Santa just smiled and shouted, "Give it a try!
I was here before the wheel. There's noway I can die."
Santa was right... A knife wouldn't do.
So I whipped out my gun and I pulled the trigger too.
Kids started running and screaming, but Santa still sat.
Not a scratch on the guy, just a hole through his hat.
He shouted, "Ho! Ho! Ho!" That jolly ol' soul.
Then he reached in his bag and he pulled out some coal.
He threw it at my head and it knocked me out.
Then he turned to the kids and he started to shout!
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"
Thats when I woke up, and I was ready to fight.
I punched him once or twice, and started pulling his hair.
Then I got jumped by eight little Elfs that he had with him there.
A reindeer blinded me with it's bright little nose.
A child even hit me with a toy rubber hose.
"Mercy!" I yelled. "I give up! I insist!"
Santa kept on laughing and put me on the notty list...
Be good EVERYONE! I saying that from my soul.
Don't wind up like me with a pile of coals!