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I Caught The Clams

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Below is the poem entitled I Caught The Clams which was written by poet Eugene Carmen. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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I Caught The Clams

It started out as a mild itch
Within the next few hours, my eyes began to twitch
So I go to a Doctor named Damon Willis
He examines me and asks me have I heard of country singer named Mel Tillis
I tell ye and ask why such an odd question he had to ask
Then he asks me do I drink Brandy and if so, is it from a flask
I tell him alcohol is not one of my disabilities
He says I am just trying to narrow down the possibilities
Then he asks did I recently eat Poppy Seed Bread with Strawberry Jam while 
listening to Georse Michaels or his former group Wham
I was stunned and said yes, he replied you have contracted The Clams
He writes out a prescription for a cream
Then he tells me I must brush my teeth with the toothpaste Gleem
Then he says twice a year I must bathe in the waters of the Hoover Dam
I know now which of my honies gave me the clams
It was Phyllis who made this combination possible to set in this affliction
To eat the Poppy Seed Bread with Strawberry Jam has become and addiction
So I use some of my inheritance from my parents will
To pay this Doctor the medical bill
After I paid it he disappeared, it was all a scam
To find out there was no such thing as the clams
So now I am sitting and waiting for illegals to cross the border
So I can charge our Government to diagnose this disorder
I charge a huge bill as I feed these illegals some Dristan
Most of them have the crabs already, but I will be happy to give them the clams


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