I looked into the mirror
And saw me looking back
And quickly looked away.
Words alone, of all languages
in their many denominations
NONE of them describe
the sight of IT...me.
This would explain people’s reactions to me
Especially of late
The Nile with its mixture of dirt, water, corpses, blood from plague
Can not stand as representation
of the mixed turmoil of emotions that I have felt
The Hatred, Love, Pity, Self Hatred, Infatuation,
Depression, Resentment in all its forms
The shades, hues- colors of blood
that cover my face, hands, limbs and heart.
That I the epitome of pity, hate
and exceeding rejection should stand
to feel, to touch, to express-I am NOT worthy!
but it remains repressed
From blatant lies, deceit,
The need for self annihilation becomes more evident- resplendent
Oh, If only I could find a
Peace, a river, silence, serene
An escape from bitter, cold, rotting existence,
If only...If only...I had you...