Talk about embarrassment, with the result a damning slur,
The lady gave a low reply “This cards been cancelled sir”,
I left the goods there with her; once more I’m on the phone,
This time over agitated, as the bloke sure would have known.
“It’s a computer error” …apologizing for my inconvenience,
“A gremlin’s got into our program, producing little sense,
But don’t you worry it’s been fixed, I’ve done it here on line,
Your credit card is functional, everything’s now fine”.
Now you might not believe this, but I’m telling you it’s true,
Next day in the mail a statement, say’s me bill is overdue,
No dollars and no cents again. What’s this lot on about?
But talking with them yesterday, they will have worked it out.
Once again when June came ‘round, there one day in the mail,
A threatening letter from the mob read out that I did fail,
To pay the debt upon me card, I have ten days for recompense,
Or action will be taken, to recoup no dollars and no cents.
This seems all bloody senseless, and it’s put me in a bind,
How do I pay nothing? But then a thought came to me mind.
So I wrote out a cheque for them, for no dollars and no cents,
And that computer thanked me. To me it made no flamin’ sense.
But if you think the troubles over, then you better think again,
My bank is ringing me up now, asking if I am insane,
‘Why did I write a cheque out for no dollars and no cents?’
And you know they didn’t listen to a word for my defence.
The bank whinged the cheque I wrote has left a sad and sorry tale,
Their computer went into a frenzy causing it’s software to fail,
Now the bank cannot process a cheque, from ALL customers today,
Cause I’ve crashed their computer, in a quite unusual way.
It’s a computer error aye! Well, this time I’m giving my defence,
It’s not my fault the bloody thing, can’t read no dollars and no cents,
Then the company for the credit card, sent a statement that announced,
This is my final warning…advising me my cheque had bounced.
So once again the threats returned, this credit card has me a debtor,
But for no dollars and no cents, I don’t fear a debt collector,
Now all my dealings done with cash, to alleviate the terror,
Of someone on the telephone, telling me, it’s a computer error.