I’ve always been a cash man, so when me cash was blown,
I might be sitting back all stony broke and pleading for a loan,
At least I know that if a mate, throws up a couple of pound,
That I can pay him back the debt when payday comes around.
But if I am a day too late, then he will give a wink and nod,
And give the loan extension without an interest prod,
I could say to him I’ll write a cheque, but they would draw a blank,
My cheques have tendencies of rubber if challenged by the bank.
Of course when begging alms there are those who give advice,
And there are many, who lent me once, but rarely ever twice,
Now if they see me coming then, they keep well on their guard,
Advising me the time has come to own a credit card.
And then it was explained to me, how this credit system works,
I can buy just what I like, and there are no hidden lurks,
All I have to do one day a month, is pay the bill that has been sent,
But if I don’t then I’ll charged an extra twenty-five per cent.
It’s not like mateship; not at all…I can’t be a day too late,
These bloody banks are ruthless, not like a lending mate,
So here I have this credit card, aware not to abuse it,
And really in a dither ‘cause I’m too afraid to use it.
In March a letter from this credit mob to me was duly sent,
Stating that I owed the company not one dollar or a cent,
So I ignored the letter, it’s something I should not have done.
Because come April in the mail, I received another one.
I still owe no dollars and no cents, so I caste the bill away,
But this bloody mob got nasty, saying I refused to pay,
And they threatened cancellation if I didn’t pay me bill,
So I rang up demanding ‘fix it!’ And they said that they will.
“It’s a computer error” …apologizing for my inconvenience,
“A gremlin’s got into our program, producing little sense,
But don’t you worry it’s been fixed, I’ve done it here on line,
Your credit card is functional, everything’s now fine”.
And so it seemed the world’s okay, this glitch is finally eased,
So now my credit card is lawful, and I felt kind of pleased,
Now thinking I should use it, although I better stay on guard,
With a trolley full of purchased goods, I passed across the card.