Contains Poems

Yeah, I know -- my poetic output contains a fair bit of junk but

Yeah, I know ~ my poetic output contains a fair bit of junk.
But then ~ even God created something called a skunk.
In the works of all unparalleled thinkers,
you can expect quite a few stinkers.
Most attempts at art never attain great heights ~
most just immediately go ~ kerplunk.
I don't take myself too seriously.
If ever I did,

WARNING THIS POEM CONTAINS TOILET HUMOUR

A poet, that's me I'm called Jan
Was NEVER a poetry fan
Now two books bear my name
Not for fortune or fame
I'll pen poop whenever I can!

If ever I am stuck for words
I resort to write about turds
Brown things that you poo
When you're sat on the loo
Poop poetry's not just for nerds!

The Locksmith

It's an honourable profession to be a locksmith by trade
I've done it for years and my work is A grade
I'm not one to boast but I say constantly
That I've made every key there can possibly be
Car keys, skeleton keys, master keys, house keys
You name it I've done it, I can make them with ease

That was

Morning Glory - Contains Innendo - Bawdy

The farmer’s cock rises each morning
It signals a new day is dawning
His wife ignores him in bed
Says she’s got a bad head
Perhaps she requires pre-warning

NB I BREAK NO RULES POSTING BAWDY LIMERICKS  - THE FORM IS BY NATURE ALLOWED TO BE  RIBALD AND I GIVE WARNING THE POEM MAY CONTAIN INNUENDO

07/08/21

Teething Troubles - Scared Witless - Warning Contains Humour

The dentist’s poised wearing his gown
I’m anxious, my face wears a frown
He’ll pull out my tooth
(Assisted by Ruth)
I’m thankful my panties are brown!

He powered up his dental drill
The noise from it made me feel ill
Bad tooth he requires
He’ll pull it with pliers
Then present me with a huge bill

Of dental issues I’m now wary -
I find

The Great British Pancake Day Toss Off - Warning Contains Innuendo

Today it’s Pancake Day and there’s to be a pancake race
Entrants are on the starting line with a smile upon their face

Old Ted ‘s ready with his frying pan, he is a fat old josser
but when it comes to pancakes, Ted’s an expert tosser

The gun goes BANG and off they go, Ted’s busy tossing away
busty

She Wears Jimmy Phews - Warning Contains Humour

A lady I knew called Griselda
Collected shoes just like Imelda*
But she’d such cheesy feet
When she walked down the street
Folk secretly called her Ismelldya!

*Imelda Marcos owned at least 1200 pairs of shoes



NB

After being on the site for over 7 years people are well aware of my style and love of writing the limerick form. If i

Little Willy - Warning Contains Innuendo

Out shopping, I meet Uncle Billy
I exclaim can I stroke your willy
Feel free to pet him
He says with a grin
My willy’s quite cold brr its chilly


I kneel down and give Willy a stroke
And juggle his brown balls for a joke
Willy’s a rescue pet
Billy got from the vet
My uncle’s  a dachshund loving bloke!

10/19/20

The Knickerless Vicar - Contains Innuendo :- Collaboration With Nina Parmenter

For a man of the cloth, our dear vicar
is not very partial to clothes
He is almost allergic to trousers
and y-fronts get right up his nose.

Ev’ry Sunday as he climbs in the pulpit
(where the choir boys are sitting below)
His meat and two veg are seen swinging
And it’s proof that he is commando

The ladies who bake and

Poetry Contains Revolutionary Power

Yes it does!
Poetry contains
Revolutionary Power
It can alter landscapes,
tear down governments,
cause the populace
to rise up,
create a ruckus,
transform morals,
foster a new
way of thinking,
bring emotions
to a tempest,
entice new beliefs,
systematize evolution,
inform you,
all the while
functioning for the
good of humanity.

The Zero World

The zero world

How the tide rises and falls, 
How the sky lightens and fails,
How the wind peacefully goes
To the zero scale it contains -  zero doesn't judge, it just exists. 

(c) Maryna Tchianova, Ukraine

Copyright © Maryna Tchianova | Year Posted 2016

Acceptance Contains No Regret

Its taken me a long time to finally admit 
that you aren't coming back to me
I knew from the start 
you were a quick fix 

I struggled with my  loneliness forever so it seems 
but I have to admit, it got easier each day 
The empty mug sits in the sink ,no longer yours

This Is a Limerick That Contains No E's

This is a limerick that contains no e’s,
Though that may be hard to believe.
    But I declare it be true,
   (Okay, maybe a few,
Cuz “no e’s” is really hard to achieve!)

Elicit Illicit Lucid Dreams -Contains Nudity-

~JSLambert does not (currently:) use, or encourage hallucinogenic drug use.

    Telepathic psilocybin prescription erasing elastic depression. Competition 
wanes, just when nocturnal emission drains. Lifted poetic wing clipping. This 
party only makes sense to those encrypted with unconsciousness. Scalpel in 
hand, methodical break and entering, break dancing meninges remove 
portions of brain doin'

Free Cee This Poem Contains Anthrax So Do Not Read

INSTRUMENTAL INFATURATION

The piano man stopped playing when you walked in
And that’s when I heard the brass begin
The flautist was taken aback by your grin
And then I heard the voice of a violin

The drummer stumbled over his beat
As I bumbled over my feet
Then a sax and the trumpet came to meet
And suddenly the syncopation was complete

I

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