Alive? - Kelly Crenshaw's Blog

Funny this aging thing. I'm not really old yet, but I sure ain't young anymore that's a fact. My body shows a few signs of wear and tear and my mind suffers slippage from time to time. But in many ways I feel like I haven't even learned how to think yet, like my brain is just getting started. Maybe I'm a late bloomer mentally, and maybe I just burned too many brain cells up with recreational chemicals when I was young. 

 

I've buried most of the humans that ever really got close to me, and just about all really close friends and most family. Now it looks as if i may have to say good bye to my sister. Don't feel sorry for me as I am a confirmed sociopath. Though it's getting harder and harder to pull that gig off the older I get. Dexter Morgan (my favorite super hero) had it down but even he had his moments.

 

 This sister was the one more like a mom to me. 16 years older and took care of me a great deal of time when I was young. I've known for sure that two people in my life really loved me. My mom and my sister. Both parents gone. 3 brothers and a sister already. This one is the last one. So back to life now. When are you really the most alive? When you're born? That's my logical theory. When you fall in love? Interesting theory. When your kids are born? Grandkids? As a Christian possibly when you come to Christ. When do you define that anyway. Wait before all you religious folks answer that let me tell you I'm a preacher and a Pastor. So save all your chrstianese cliches, please I get it. I'm just thinking out loud, not looking for theological debate.

Maybe when we transition from this life to the next? Is that when life really starts? Maybe based on quantum entanglement I'm already somewhere else and just don't know it? And if string theory is correct, maybe what we call death is merely the genuine worm hole into another dimension? Perhaps when Christ said He was the door, we could say worm hole? I kinda like that. Bottom line is; I'm dying a little bit every day and while I'm doing that I'd like to live my life. I started to say to the fullest. But man aren't you tired of hearing that line?

 

 I guess at the end of the day I just have to trust my Creator and Savior, but then again I have trust issues. I hope He can understand that and not hold it against me. And then perhaps when you die you're just gone and it's over? Naw, that ones way too boring for me. I guess I'm gonna have to just live life as big as I can and get all I can get of it while I can. I like being alive for now. Thanks for reading. If you're still reading at this point, man you must be way worse off than me, because this is one boring rant. Adiós