“NO PUN INTENDED”
A lie raised its head,
And a fool jumped up and fell:
Truth just sat and smiled:-
Outside my window, the sun smiled.
No sirens screamed and no explosions resounded.
No tearful wails interrupted my serenity.
This, I thought, must be peace -
As long as I ignored the news.
Nobody tore me from my bed,
Bruised my skin,
Nor forced water down my throat.
My human rights, intact -
A privilege of my distance.
Ahhhh!
My cocoa tasted as sweet as my innocence
from the cradle of my recliner.
Why borrow trouble?
Am I my brother’s keeper?
My skin frosted as my heart shivered.
A cold thought formed.
The quote echoed a ghostly reminder from whom that question originated.
A chilling realization that hiding was actively choosing
to raise Cain.
Where was the chaos sown?
Where were the voices stilled?
I must not sit, I must not wait!
Comfort must be sacrificed,
before I also found that I had become the one who was not Abel.
A photon checked into a hotel,
a rather interesting sight.
It was asked "Do you have luggage?"
It said, "No, I'm travelling light."
When I'm at home I like to read books,
and relax in my dressing gown.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I just can't put it down.
Staying in shape is important,
of that there is no doubt.
I keep trying to exercise
but it just isn't working out.
My friend fell into an upholstery machine -
one of the strangest things I've ever seen.
Everyone was shocked and exclaimed "Wow!",
but I can say he's fully recovered now.
Mathematicians are so smart.
Their work is often stunning.
But to the guy who invented zero,
thanks for absolutely nothing!
There was a WWI soldier
whose name was Bobby Pederson.
He survived both mustard gas and pepper spray.
He was a seasoned veteran.
Computer scientists are brilliant,
I must admit.
How much do they like 0 and 1?
Quite a bit.
In "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens
there are four notable ghosts or apparitions;
and of that quartet of wondrous ghosts
the Ghost of Christmas Presents is the one I like the most!
When Hugh and Ron got drunk together
and pissed a lake of mighty size,
their eery neighbor also spilled it
and let his eery waters rise.
By far superior was another
with depths of thirteen hundred feet.
His superiority was awesome
which Hugh, Ron, Eery couldn’t beat.
Below them lay Ontario Lago,
a bloke whose name is not much fun
because no matter how I turn it
I can’t create a lakey pun.
Cat said it's purrfect
Owl said it's a hoot
And so ...
The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea!
We had a most horrid schoolteacher,
And us children did all hate her,
She’d shout at us for no real reason,
And threaten to see us later,
She had a dip on a Florida trip,
And was swallowed by an alligator,
But only crocodile tears were shed,
‘Cos we were all just … gladiator!
Food for Thought...
You want puns?
How about on buns?
Written word fun
From the fruits of the Earth's sun
Thought about cruisin' on my bike to grab some grub, but it was two-tired.
Decided to ask the cow out to the Stampede, but he was grounded.
Caught some fish that was wailing from some a-salt and batterin'.
Went to the vineyard & stepped on a grape, but it was too winey.
The sunset blazed on as the lettuce showed tall in the field, a head above the rest.
Clouds settling in for the night realized there's no contest for a fowl-weathered friend that the ghost of the poultry-geist leaves behind, egg-credibly the best...
Boiled eggs are hard to beat.
And, hey... ya know? A girl's gotta eat!
If you were long-winded
but no pun in ten did,
do you lack humor’s art,
or was that a long fart?
Once a pun, a thyme, a sage
got tossed for smoking in a bar;
It seems bad jokes are not in season;
close, but no cigar.
A glutton for punishment -
Never sausage a thirst!
He grinned at the butcher,
Now, give me your wurst!
—————
for the Pun Fun Poetry Contest
sponsored by Margarita Lillico
written 3/11/23
In prepping for a funeral
The family gathered in the hall
They sat there all mourning
Even though it was nightfall
He had eaten lots of vegetables
Yet, he passed on in his suite
Must have still had too much sugar
And not enough heart beets
A farmer by trade, he grew
Not just beets but onions too
When he passed, they cut his crops
And cried all the way through
They made his favorite cheese as well
A batch to honor him that day
His athlete niece, age nineteen, fell
Now there’s pro teen in the whey
Onions served at the will reading
One son got more than his share
“Yes, I see”, said the executor
I can smell it in the heir
“Woof” exclaimed his trusty dog
“This situation is certainly tough.
Although I’m sad about my human
These jokes were pretty ruff…..”
My teacher who thought sun-bathing made her well-red,
graded me average, she was mean to the power hundred.
She was once a banker, but after some time lost interest,
wanted to be a pilot, her career could take off for the best.
She thought to be able to fly high, could be very uplifting,
instead she bought a boat, for it was for sail and tempting.
She an optimist, her blood type was B-positive, they stated,
but the doctor told it was Type-O, the mistake was corrected.
Her memory was photographic, but she couldn’t develop it,
she was to alter a brain part, changed her mind last minute.
When she stole neighbor’s lamps, he couldn’t be more de-lighted,
a picturesque girl, she landed in jail, “I was framed”, she asserted.
_______________
March, 5, 2023
Contest : Pun Fun
Sponsored by : Margarita Lillico
I went to see the "Rolling Stones"- they rocked!
I had two tickets to see "Cher" in concert, I kept them both
A "Moody Blues" concert got cancelled, I heard they couldn't tolerate each other
Never did get to see the "Beatles" in concert, that really bugged me
I went to a "Rush" concert, it was over too fast
I went to see the "Eagles" they sounded a little bit like the "Byrds"
I went to see the "Doors" with a couple of swingers
I went to see "Led Zeppelin" and "Iron Butterfly" now that was heavy
I went to see "Cream" they milked the show
I went to see "Billy Idol" he's, my favorite!
I went to see "The Grateful Dead" they killed it!
I was going to see "Alice in Chains", but I heard she got locked up
I went to see "The Guess Who" eh, I'll tell you later.
I went to see the "Mamas and Papas" with my parents
I went to see the "Animals" they were wild
I went to see "The Cars" drove me crazy
I went to see "Blue Oyster Cult" I got all clammed up
I went to see "The Beach Boys" with my sister Sandy
FOOTLE AS A PUN
rondeau
around
There is a pun for fun.
Is it for none?
Is it for one?
Or is it for some?
Does it last a while?
Does it come in a gentle smile?
Is it in a wonderful style?
Or do we just store it in a file?
Does it bring in warmth of the heart?
Does it bring in an amazing start?
Can we walk together and never part?
Still we hear its song from a lark.
Is this pun a whimsical soulful spirit?
Stand still in silence just to hear it.
Some will run and hide for they fear it.
With others Love they will share it.
Don’t take for granite who you are
Just be a little boulder
Remember that you’re made of stars
And someday when you’re older
You may be a marble statue
That the pebbles gaze upon
And the world shale marvel at you
And of quartz you will rock on.
Sub Categories
Looking for the formal definition, structure, and history of this poetry form? Visit the Poetry Dictionary entry below. Then return to explore how PoetrySoup members bring the form to life through their own poems.