Best Condom Poems

I will protect you better than your best friend…
Use me in the dark or in the day, I am with you to the very end…
I am thin, colourful and compared to your might, I’m very strong…
In and out, nice and slow, gentle or hard – I will endure just as long…

I am your friendly protection…
Use...

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I wore a condom for my mate
and said it glowed to throw my weight.
But when she asked to know it's fate
the light was on and it was late....

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sea anemone 
produces own eggs
and sperm 
needs a good kisser 
 
[*Sea anemones breed by liberating sperm and eggs 
through their mouths into the sea.] 

THIRD PLACE WINNER
March 18, 2021 
For Constance La Frances “Haiku” Contest...

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The Durex Company’s fearing the worst
Non latex condoms are now known to burst
There’s a product recall
Hope they can trace them all ...
Or unplanned babies may need to be nursed!

Inspired by this newspaper article - n.b it's only certain products which are sold in the UK and Ireland

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-45014118

8/13/18...

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Fast asleep,
Slumbering in the other world,
Spirit at work,
The future opened to the spirit,
Half dead,half alive,
The sweetness of the tongue,
The mind at peace,
The body ennui,
Ears opened wide to the earth,
Brain unstable as the hearth,
Fastness of the nose breath,
Echoes everywhere,
Thinking of being alive,
But in the spirit world,
My name banged in my ears,
The body weak to respond.
Trying to...

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I bought a condom for my mate
that said it glowed at any rate.
And put it on before my date
to go to town at fury's gate.

When up she popped for me to wait
and asked me if it glowed in state.
To which I said that she was late.
The lights were on and it was great....

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The callous hands of clock towers
Age the ignominy that has become
The very face known as American society

6 billion pricks occupy every anus
Engraved within this universe
And the one prick who appeared distinctive
Behaved like that of an equal associate

What are such clocks good for
Minus aiding the counting of fiendish nightmares
Foolishly published by such an inviting succubus?
I rue...

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ANOTHER NAME FOR A CONDOM IS A PROPHILACTIC
CONDOMS ARE MADE OF RUBBER NOT PLASTIC
CONDOMS ARE HANDLED WITH CARE AND EASE
CONDOMS ARE USED TO PREVENT DISEASE
LEARING ABOUT CONDOMS IS AN EDUCATION
CONDOMS ARE IMPORTANT IN ANY RELATION
CONDOMS ARE WHAT PEOPLE WEAR
PEOPLE WEAR CONDOMS IF THEY CARE
CONDOMS ARE BROUGHT OR GIVEN FREE
TO PROTECT PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND ME
CONDOMS...

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Nose dripping's continue, a catcher I've got
Seems like days since the snow began to drop
I'll weather the blow
No matter how much snow
Wear a condom on my nose to catch the plops...

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contraception dearth
                overpopulated earth 
                 kills infants at birth 

By
David Kavanagh...

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Condom on the asphalt!
   Never seen or heard,
    Numb to the world,
     Genes resvior,
Always containing an outburst!
    A terminated vector,
      Malthusian prophylactic,
Condom discarded
    on THE ASPHALT!...

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Now that testing positive
Makes one a sex fugitive
Would you your thing or bum
Keep a distance from condom?

When passions surge
And sex is the urge
Isn’t it your dirge
To with “The Managed” merge?

And who would a dagger grab,
When it has begun to stab
Or disdain a rescue cab
While some squad seeks to you nab?

When it’s reasonable to dodge
And you...

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Grandmas I teach how to suck eggs:
Marathoners long use of legs,
Soon hurting Enlightened People;
Might sooner unleash a ripple;
What would she say: The Western World?
Possibly, a heart is now galled!
Yet, will I this brash task perform
To a condom culture reform...

Thumb and forefinger on its tip
Making sure the two don't off slip:
For air removing at its tip,
Before...

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An athlete used a condom
When she needed to repair
Her kayak, for in Tokyo
It suffered damage there.

She made a TikTok video,
Now viral, of her work,
Then won some medals thanks to
An Olympic Village perk.

Seems condoms are ubiquitous 
For athletes at the Games, 
With 60,000 given out.
(Can’t tamp Olympic flames!)

Most likely, no one ever thought
Their use could be...

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Sure, we all are in Gods kingdom,
Not in Satan's perverse Dukedom,
And should well clear steer of whoredom,
A big challenge to clinched stardom
Often igniting sex freedom;
Never Saint Stephen's Martyrdom...

Still for microbes a sold condom
Birth control measures not seldom
Infected spouse for The Syndrome
Better get out of a doldrum
To shops go for Latex condom....

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