Best Condom Poems
I will protect you better than your best friend…
Use me in the dark or in the day, I am with you to the very end…
I am thin, colourful and compared to your might, I’m very strong…
In and out, nice and slow, gentle or hard – I will endure just as long…
I am your friendly protection…
Use me to your satisfaction…
From your pocket to your hardened rocket…
Into her heavenly abyss…
Pregnancy will be amiss…
I am here to safe guard from disease, your precious dome...
‘coz I am your lubricated friend – I am Mr Condom…
Form:
I wore a condom for my mate
and said it glowed to throw my weight.
But when she asked to know it's fate
the light was on and it was late.
sea anemone
produces own eggs
and sperm
needs a good kisser
[*Sea anemones breed by liberating sperm and eggs
through their mouths into the sea.]
THIRD PLACE WINNER
March 18, 2021
For Constance La Frances “Haiku” Contest
The Durex Company’s fearing the worst
Non latex condoms are now known to burst
There’s a product recall
Hope they can trace them all ...
Or unplanned babies may need to be nursed!
Inspired by this newspaper article - n.b it's only certain products which are sold in the UK and Ireland
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-45014118
8/13/18
Fast asleep,
Slumbering in the other world,
Spirit at work,
The future opened to the spirit,
Half dead,half alive,
The sweetness of the tongue,
The mind at peace,
The body ennui,
Ears opened wide to the earth,
Brain unstable as the hearth,
Fastness of the nose breath,
Echoes everywhere,
Thinking of being alive,
But in the spirit world,
My name banged in my ears,
The body weak to respond.
Trying to forget the voice,
It keeps coming louder,
The spirit man on the pace,
In order not to miss the trace,
Could this be the herald race,
Inner man arrives the body,
A sharp awakening of the body,
Still the voice wouldn't stop calling,
The body relaxes again,
Finally I sat on the rug,
And recognise the voice at the window,
Smiles at his face,
While the awaken one not happy,
His smiles grow,
My soul mow,
While I wait for his words,
He was not happy at this time,
His mouth unstable as water,
The smiles comes again,
''Don't be annoyed he said,
Please take this morning
And buy me condom
By the road side''.
Thrice I heard condom,
My ears stood erect,
Like service connected without airtime,
Mind at trouble,
How to say NO.
I left with the money to a distance,
And return with nothing,
Just to meet him at the door,
Sweat rolls like rain drops,
An embodiment of disgrace,
Mind speaking all sorts of shameful
Things to a brother,
Sadness on his face,
As his request was not granted,
By the awakened one,
A dare devil he is,
The fair lady half naked,
My eyes almost dimed,
It flows in the blood,
Words mingled in the mind,
But the short man in the scene
Doesn't seems to be interested in mindset,
The lady try to spy on the errand boy,
Fear in the mind,
Door clapped,
A light voice in the dark,
''Take it easy''
Skin to skin I guess,
The sweetness of the game,
Pains of the waist,
Weakness of the body,
A painful pleasure,
Sex a destiny diverter,
''Women are wickedly good''
Trust and respect loss its hold,
Pellucid character of the short man,
The awakened sentenced to work,
Removing of water-leaf flowers,
Perish of his mind,
Wished in the mind,
He was a peeping tom.
Chia! His pernicious way to the family.
I bought a condom for my mate
that said it glowed at any rate.
And put it on before my date
to go to town at fury's gate.
When up she popped for me to wait
and asked me if it glowed in state.
To which I said that she was late.
The lights were on and it was great.
The callous hands of clock towers
Age the ignominy that has become
The very face known as American society
6 billion pricks occupy every anus
Engraved within this universe
And the one prick who appeared distinctive
Behaved like that of an equal associate
What are such clocks good for
Minus aiding the counting of fiendish nightmares
Foolishly published by such an inviting succubus?
I rue when I had first acknowledged her existence
ANOTHER NAME FOR A CONDOM IS A PROPHILACTIC
CONDOMS ARE MADE OF RUBBER NOT PLASTIC
CONDOMS ARE HANDLED WITH CARE AND EASE
CONDOMS ARE USED TO PREVENT DISEASE
LEARING ABOUT CONDOMS IS AN EDUCATION
CONDOMS ARE IMPORTANT IN ANY RELATION
CONDOMS ARE WHAT PEOPLE WEAR
PEOPLE WEAR CONDOMS IF THEY CARE
CONDOMS ARE BROUGHT OR GIVEN FREE
TO PROTECT PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND ME
CONDOMS ARE USED IN A DIFFERENT WAY
MEN AND WOMEN USE CONDOMS EVERYDAY
PEOPLE WEAR CONDOMS FOR A DIFFERENT REASON
PEOPLE WEAR CONDOMS EVERY SEASON
PEOPLE WEAR CONDOMS FOR PEACE OF MIND
PEOPLE DON'T WEAR CONDOMS JUST TO BE KIND
CONDOMS PROTECT ANYONE LIFE
CONDOMS HELP PEOPLE AVOID STRIFE
CONDOMS ARE BEST FOR SEXUAL PROTECTION
CONDOMS ARE BEST TO PREVENT INFECTION
Form:
Nose dripping's continue, a catcher I've got
Seems like days since the snow began to drop
I'll weather the blow
No matter how much snow
Wear a condom on my nose to catch the plops
contraception dearth
overpopulated earth
kills infants at birth
By
David Kavanagh
Condom on the asphalt!
Never seen or heard,
Numb to the world,
Genes resvior,
Always containing an outburst!
A terminated vector,
Malthusian prophylactic,
Condom discarded
on THE ASPHALT!
Now that testing positive
Makes one a sex fugitive
Would you your thing or bum
Keep a distance from condom?
When passions surge
And sex is the urge
Isn’t it your dirge
To with “The Managed” merge?
And who would a dagger grab,
When it has begun to stab
Or disdain a rescue cab
While some squad seeks to you nab?
When it’s reasonable to dodge
And you won’t even budge
A bullet might you nudge
Like an angered serge!
Grandmas I teach how to suck eggs:
Marathoners long use of legs,
Soon hurting Enlightened People;
Might sooner unleash a ripple;
What would she say: The Western World?
Possibly, a heart is now galled!
Yet, will I this brash task perform
To a condom culture reform...
Thumb and forefinger on its tip
Making sure the two don't off slip:
For air removing at its tip,
Before facing your partner's hip;
Its space for Ejaculation
That fetches congratulation!
Condom roll over your organ
Like perfectly does Morgan,
Not rubbing off lubricant;
You won't end up communicant!
Job finished off slide no spillage
Or else one should query your age;
Your used condom for disposal
A vital point in espousal.
An athlete used a condom
When she needed to repair
Her kayak, for in Tokyo
It suffered damage there.
She made a TikTok video,
Now viral, of her work,
Then won some medals thanks to
An Olympic Village perk.
Seems condoms are ubiquitous
For athletes at the Games,
With 60,000 given out.
(Can’t tamp Olympic flames!)
Most likely, no one ever thought
Their use could be so bold,
In unexpected fashion,
To help someone earn the gold!
Sure, we all are in Gods kingdom,
Not in Satan's perverse Dukedom,
And should well clear steer of whoredom,
A big challenge to clinched stardom
Often igniting sex freedom;
Never Saint Stephen's Martyrdom...
Still for microbes a sold condom
Birth control measures not seldom
Infected spouse for The Syndrome
Better get out of a doldrum
To shops go for Latex condom.