I do not want to see her face or hear her voice yet
I am licking my wounds, relishing in my hurt feelings
Not ready to forget, maybe never ready to forgive
Most childish, but please allow me this luxury.
She grovels, but I do not believe her.
I am holding on to my rage, killing myself softly
Outthinking what is happening.
Imagining myself into a frenzy of irritation.
She tries over and over. I do not relent, determined to retain my ego’s hurts.
Forgiveness is not easy coming, I get coaxed into it, by a wiser person.
One who understands that I am truly in a dark place,
created by my own determined ego. My attitude lightens almost immediately.
I feel like an abscessed tooth that just got lanced.
The pressure and the build up so much worse
than anticipated.
Release brings relief.
Written 5-28-2021
Contest: Forgiveness
Sponsor: Unseeking Seeker
What we will possess
access to all assesses
about obsesses
what we have possessed
access to what is assessed
have often abscessed
by a thing passes
ate pancakes with much molasses
now passing gasses
Docile Apostle Who Became Hostile
did know of docile
Trump won was told by apostle
We became hostel
A lonely cold stranger in her own living room,
She assumed the role of a ghost,
She changed her name to avoid being numb,
To become who she wanted the most,
And her new name was a name for beauty outside,
She painted her name out in front,
Every day of her life she had intimate friends,
Living her life on the run,
No longer the shade of another’s dark past,
A mark of an abscessed old tooth,
She walked the streets with beautiful shame
And became the angel of truth.
THE PROMISED SON HAS WON THE VICTORY
An aching heart, a sorrow borrowed from Christ.
A stranglehold around your tears. You can’t breathe.
Arrows fly, hitting core -
Infectious loss, abscessed sore.
A trouble of paradise. His cross sufficed.
Believe! He covers hurt. His Spirit doth sheathe.
He collects tears, even rain.
O Christ on Calvalry hugged pain.
An aching heart, a sorrow borrowed from Christ.
Believe! He covers hurt. His Spirit doth sheathe.
Never was promised sun
Every day, however Christ has won.
A stranglehold around your tears. You can’t breathe.
A trouble of paradise. His cross sufficed.
One day, the light will ever shadow dark.
Open the doors! Out we’ll step from the ark.
8/10/2017
It had been very hard for me
to speak with West
through translators,
usually Russians ones
anchored by intelligent services,
KGB or related them
with such or others way.
Sometimes we have met Kyrgyzes mediators,
but they are also spoiled
by soviet or post-soviet propaganda,
hated our own cultures and nashient freedom,
heavily abscessed
by died glory and greatness of USSR
dismantled,
ardently dreamed, poor one,
to return in that golden cage and Edem
exalting.
So I decide one day
from once and onward
damn and curse all of them
my false mediaters!
I want to English
and I will speak, write and dream on it
maybe as one hopeless invalid
but I escape from
various interpretators and interlocators,
fasilitators and falsificators
and traitors and predators
in the great hub of crossroad
of Big Game.
As a philippines
for the sake of future
and for the great advances,
for 100 million people with asian mentality
and heavy burden of past,
they started on English speaking,
thinking, working and entertaining
and have set others things and staff
for realize his dreams - practically and immediately -
creating fast developed modern society
How possible for escaping
From post-soviet suffocation
In all spheres of our life?
From Black Hole of awful greediness,
when post-communist leaders
starting to learn us for art of capitalism
breaking all rules voluntarily or not
and transform our life to hell?
How possible in lack of legitimacy
and totally grown corruption
to live and survive
as honest man and ventured company
self maded, respected and been prosperous and happy
in such fatal environment and craziness?
The answer is one:
then more government, leaders and presidents
abscessed for wealth, stealth, robbing and smuggling,
then more you will been
modern Robin Hood
staunch, inventive, honest and congenial
in great business
for overcome bad boys and their bad monopolies and technologies.
Gain success and influence faster
in the frame of honesty and justice,
fight and beat merciless corruption,
personally and common negligence
and with them to provoke
the truly reforms
and create right institution and hope
for new generation
in our transforming society.
God created our world
from a marvel words and sentences,
from one right and deep expression
that trembled,stressed and reformatted at all
the deepest foundation of this existence.
That had been found and announced
and light separated from dark,
and starting long terms processing,
coagulating Earth,
condensing water and so on.
Till the end He created Adam and Eva.
I am too abscessed with jealous to Heaven
trying to find truly words and sentences
that would help me to find out
the long searching path
leading to yours precious heart.
The key words that contains
one awesome scrutiny formula
that would catalyzing and emerging
yours really selfless and kind senses.
As for mine your name and surname
seems have been such great impact and influence.
The abscessed wounds of
a betrayed heart fester
from desertion and deceit.
.
She takes solitude in shadows
gnawing herself red and raw,
rankling in private torment;
gnashing her teeth.
Until pain and grief turn noxious
with a fury justly sworn
to the retributory scourge
of a woman's woeful scorn.
Who, in love, will’nt vie my eminence to attain
If my destiny is cross and chain, why must I complain?
Know thyself my heart had urged and a journey I set at
I’m in quest of no one else, for my own return I wait
At no time, I aimed to win a reward or recompense
A profound treasure of love I have that freely I dispense
Wounds like flowers pink and red are blooming everywhere
My heart is the only garden having spring in its sphere
The nightingale, in the pangs of love, perhaps has his share
His perception of my anguish is thus beyond compare
The path of loyalty is having proof of my footprints fixed
Oozing blood of my abscessed feet that every thorn has licked
The sky has always been Yamin my vision’s cherished goal
Earthly however may be my body and my soul
I don’t come very often anymore
to the edge of this rancid waste dump
to pick at the scars
and bleed anew . . .
To stand and welcome it all
in its abscessed pustule
as plump as summer milkweed
ready to be lanced.
I hold the images in my heart
and await the rolling thunder
to bring blessed relief
with loosed blood and infection.
My penance.