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Poetry Forum. A poetry forum dedicated strictly to poetry. Poets can use this poetry forum for poetry workshops, sharing poetic techniques, discussing aspects of poetry, poetry publishing, and the poetry industry. Poetry forum members can enter poetry contests, post poems, and participate in the #1 poetry community on the internet.

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2/9/2015 7:49 PM - Edmund Linton
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4/24/2015 10:06 AM - Bob Atkinson
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Discuss your favorite poems, poets, and poetry books - analysis, ideas, hidden meanings, random thoughts, etc.
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4/21/2015 2:13 PM - Glory Winzer
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7/9/2014 10:42 AM - Nancy Zapf
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11/19/2014 2:05 PM - Skippy Kangeroo
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Don't Post Poetry Here!!! Seeking relationship advice, romantic ideas or just want to express your feeling - Post Here!
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4/17/2015 8:01 PM - Judy Konos
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Don't Post Poetry Here!!! Everything to make us smile - anecdotes, stories, fun things to do, etc. But NOT Poetry.
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4/20/2015 5:00 PM - Glory Winzer
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Don't Post Poetry Here!!! Talk about anything or need a shoulder to cry on? Share your thoughts and emotions here:
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4/20/2015 3:33 PM - Glory Winzer
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4/21/2015 2:28 PM - watwaat
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4/23/2015 10:14 PM - John Valdez


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Recent posts
4/24/2015 10:06:15 AM
Topic:
Wobble - by Bob Atkinson

Bob Atkinson
Posts: 97
Wobble

- by Bob Atkinson



Toy Top





oscillate my mind does

from reality to fear

free from interpretation

no categories established here




craft supposes skills of time

manner same as all before

prodding intellect astute

no remorse, pure laissez-fare




rules of order hereby ignored

in the name of progress good

talent seeking servitude of

the great and powerful wizard




how this situation shakes

beyond these final days

surrender to the unthinkable

or rise up to be enraged




do not know the answer to

this question never asked

just trust no harm's been done permanently

to our ideals which were thus trashed
4/23/2015 10:14:21 PM
Topic:
Spilled Ink and Other Mishaps

John Valdez
Posts: 2
Please take a look at my first book of poetry. It is on Amazon for Kindle download via title. Also in paperback form at www.createspace.com/4703766 Thank you very much
4/23/2015 10:11:56 PM
Topic:
New Book

John Valdez
Posts: 2
Congrats on the work. www.createspace.com/4703766
4/23/2015 4:11:08 PM
Topic:
The Great Puppeteer

K.M North
Posts: 61
As a critique at the last verse I would change up the part "it's called divide and conquer said he, you see". To me it just reads funny. I know you were going for a whole rhyming scheme at the end but it just reads funny. As far as the overall poem it's not really my thing. I prefer things that feature emotion. Everyone knows big business players are greedy. They'd even admit it themselves. But yeah, it's not bad for what it is. Just not my thing, for a critique I'd just change that part I mentioned-Kevin
4/23/2015 2:32:41 PM
Topic:
The Great Puppeteer

Wally Flint
Posts: 9
Would love to hear comments on this poem.

The Great Puppeteer

The CEO wore a six hundred dollar wool-silk blended suit
and he stroked his tie as he counted his loot
10 million for me
10 million for my stockholders if you please
and that leaves
7 dollars for my employees

leaning back in his leather chair
he muses
thinking of the people he uses
we’ve got to stop raising minimum wage
if we’re to go on living in this golden age

the great puppeteer
he knows he’s got a good thing going here

so with a little hocus pocus
he gets his employees to focus
on poor people who live in despair
he gets them complaining about people on welfare

it’s called divide and conquer said he
you see
the poor are so naive
they’ll never see the card I have up my sleeve
I’ll get them fighting over the scraps I leave
and they won’t even notice
I’m having a feast no one would believe!






See more of my stuff at:




www.poetrysoup.com/me/wallyflint
edited by wallyflint on 4/23/2015
4/23/2015 2:19:02 PM
Topic:
number of "views" of my poems

Wally Flint
Posts: 9
If someone who is not logged in to poetry soup or not a member of poetry soup views one of my poems from someplace out there on the web, does that increase the number of views? Or is it only logged in members who are counted?
4/23/2015 10:36:30 AM
Topic:
After All This Time...

K.M North
Posts: 61
Yeah I'm a movie/music/culture junkie. So most of my time whatever I write is indebted to at least something. I can't write by hand to save my life, after about two minutes of writing my hand just cramps and becomes the most painful thing in the world. I'm the exact opposite when it comes to writing programs. I loved my last program that basically took all the work out of writing. I'd write the words and it did pretty much everything else. I guess it's a "to each their own" type of thing. It's always really cool to hear how people write or what their ritual is. Typically 99.9% of the time I have to be listening to music. Hate writing on paper, however I will if I just need to scribble something down quickly.
4/23/2015 1:21:39 AM
Topic:
After All This Time...

Nadia Steel
Posts: 6
Ah, that's why I didn't understand. I'm not good with movie/music/culture references. I have a terrible memory, so half the time even if I've seen something, I forget things like that.
As for writing programs, I personally think you grow more as a writer if you hand write, or use a program that does absolutely no formatting for you. Like Notepad or something. Then you are forced to go over it and over it until you've caught all your own mistakes. I guess that's a bit archaic now.
4/22/2015 11:39:40 AM
Topic:
New girl.

K.M North
Posts: 61
Welcome to P.S. I hope you can make some friends, and get something out of your time and work here. Good luck
4/22/2015 11:38:11 AM
Topic:
Introduction

K.M North
Posts: 61
Welcome
4/22/2015 11:34:40 AM
Topic:
After All This Time...

K.M North
Posts: 61
Hey, I've stated it before on another critique, but I will do it again cause it's worth mentioning. The writing program I have on the new windows 8.1 is truly the worst program I've ever written on. It's as if they weren't even trying. They don't spell check/capitilize anything and I have to go through and reformat everything. If you look at my other stuff on there I went through and did that, and just got sick of doing it {so lazy, lol}. So that's why sometimes there are things ins caps and sometimes not. Truly just me being lazy and not formatting it, which I should I and I take full responsibility for it. It's also the reason for such mistakes as you mentioned with {valentine's day and the like}. I write very fast and having used the other windows program on my old computer for about three years I've gotten used to having things either automatically corrected or at least pointed out...I promise I will format things/check things better going forward. Now I'll tackle your questions/comments.
The sentence about Brooks and Reds is actually a reference to The Shawshank Redemption {or Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption}. They are two characters that get released from prison and carve their names into a beam in the same room they get. Brooks however hangs himself, while Red skips parole and goes down to meet with Andy.
For the Holly Hallelujah part, it's supposed to be Holly, another reference to The Hold Steady which are a favorite band of mine, and they have a character in some of their songs called Holly.
As for the "boys and girls..." line, it's a reference to On The Road by Jack Kerouac and goes with the line "have such a sad time together". It's actually a two fold reference to both The Hold Steady as well as the book. Thanks for checking it out though. Always good to hear what people think and those who offer good criticism {even if it's bad, in my opinion it's still good}. I'm looking forward to reading some of your work-Kevin
4/22/2015 10:44:35 AM
Topic:
After All This Time...

Nadia Steel
Posts: 6
I really enjoy this poem. It is bittersweet and nostalgic. The feelings from the memories are all there. Good job on that.


Technical side, there were a few minor spelling/grammar errors. Also, do you want this poem to be all lowercase lettering? Because, you switch between lower and upper case letters. It is distracting, and bothers me. Make them ALL upper or ALL lower. Please don't switch between. Just a personal pet peeve! Additionally, format wise, I think the last 9 lines should be grouped together. And the one sentence I mention below, removed. But that's purely my opinion. Your format is your decision.

("a valentines day present like my brothers") 'valentines day' would be 'valentine's day' you need the apostrophe. And it would be 'brother's' instead of 'brothers'.

("woke up in the wrong side of monogamus life") Corrected to monogamous. Also, 'on' would make more sense than 'in,' placement wise.

("I wrote my name next to brooks and reds") I don't understand this sentence. What do you mean by 'brooks and reds?'

("and we sing holly halleluja") Did you mean 'holy' or did you mean 'Holly' the name? And it is more commonly spelled 'Hallelujah' with an 'h' not just 'Halleluja.'

("the boys and girls in america") Doesn't seem to have a place really. Thought it was kind of an unnecessary sentence.


It is a lovely poem, though. Keep it up!
edited by thefragileheart on 4/22/2015
4/22/2015 10:16:53 AM
Topic:
Universal Scale (blank verse)

Nadia Steel
Posts: 6
"The pillars descend in height large to small,
right to left they appear to melt upward."
These two lines are overkill and confusing.

You have so much description in your imagery, but it is not all direct. Almost as if you are talking in circles. The majesty you are attempting to describe to your reader doesn't necessarily need so much description. If you make each word matter, you can avoid sounding long winded.

The ending is definitely where the poem hit home, and the reader has that 'Oh' moment. It just feels like you need to do less description and more of what you had at the end. More meaning. Less words.

Besides that, I enjoyed this poem. Take care.
4/22/2015 9:58:39 AM
Topic:
The difficulties of translation. Your opinion abou

Nadia Steel
Posts: 6
I think I enjoyed this. The fact it is broken translation, didn't distract me all that much. The thoughts still get through. It is very obviously a prayer to God. Trying to converse and drink with God to make God seem more real and more relate-able. Despite loosely understanding the premise of this poem, the language/translation gap is going to prove a major obstacle for you here. I wish you luck!
4/22/2015 9:33:49 AM
Topic:
The Battle of Borodino - by Bob Atkinson

Nadia Steel
Posts: 6
A list of my thoughts:

1. Remove the pictures. They are a major distraction.

2. Stop pulling words out of your behind just for the sake of words. You throw them together and display them in an empty manner. I understand wanting to explore a topic. However, if you're going to call something poetry, you need to add purpose to those words. Heaven forbid, even emotion. I felt nothing. Perhaps try again and address the subject at hand as if it did have a direct impact on your life. As if someone you loved was there. Write as though one of those dead soldiers were torn from you. Feel the horror of it. Don't just write about it from a distance. Place yourself there emotionally. Make yourself be there. You sound pretentious and hollow. Like old rich men who sit and talk of war and casualties, while the poor and the young bleed out. Open your mind and your heart and FEEL it. Or, don't bother writing about it. Why ask someone to read something that means nothing? Only paper and ink. No heart.

3. This section asks you submit ONE poem per day. Not post ONE poem, then add MULTIPLE other poems under that thread. It is inconsiderate.

4. Why post your work under a section called 'High Critique' if you don't actually want your work critiqued? You seem to attack those who post their thoughts. Thoughts that are encouraged to be 'unrestricted.' Yet, you lash out like a child. Incredibly distasteful and disappointing behavior. Maybe consider that in the future?

5. Views mean much less than actual responses. Yes, it was glanced at a certain number of times. But, they could have all just glanced at the first line then moved on. I'd just think about who bothered to actually say something.

6. (These are MY personal OPINIONS and nothing more. Take them or leave them. I am new to this site, but that doesn't invalidate what I have to say.)

That is all. Take care.
edited by thefragileheart on 4/22/2015
edited by thefragileheart on 4/22/2015
4/22/2015 8:46:42 AM
Topic:
New girl.

Nadia Steel
Posts: 6
Hello, Friend.
My name is Nadia, and I am new to 'Poetry Soup.'

Pleased to be here.

I look forward to sharing my work with you, and hopefully you will see me grow as a writer.

Grateful for what seems to be a very positive and supportive community.

Take care!
4/22/2015 12:39:40 AM
Topic:
Introduction

jill spagnola
Posts: 2
I am a little disappointed, cause I thought I was writing under my pseudonym. I am not hiding just honoring my late husband and our unborn child, Sunshine Williams. Glad to be immersed in verse!
4/22/2015 12:35:52 AM
Topic:
Introduction

jill spagnola
Posts: 2
High all. This is very exciting to me. I have been writing since I learned in kindergarden. Back before spell-checker corrected you to "kindergarten" When Kinder's message of the grade was for it to be a garden of fun and socializing, not a competition. Well I just gave away my age! No worries. I submitted my first poem this morning, due to insomnia. this looks like a great diversion for me.
4/21/2015 2:28:28 PM
Topic:
=TV+Barcelone.PSG.live.match.direct.regarder.canal

watwaat
Posts: 1
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http://www.babycenter.de/thread/218511/verbarcelona-vs-paris-saint-germain-en-vivo-directo-partido-tv-canal-bar%C3%A7a-y-psg-por-internet
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http://community.babycenter.com/post/a56484394/kijken_barcelona_paris_saint_germain_live.stream.gratis.online_wedstrijd_voetbal
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a56484508/
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http://community.babycenter.com/post/a56484580/canl_izle_barcelona_paris_saint_germain_ma_live_justin_tv_2015




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edited by watwaat on 4/21/2015
edited by watwaat on 4/21/2015
4/21/2015 2:13:28 PM
Topic:
A question on book length...

Glory Winzer
Posts: 4
Some people do not have the patience to read a long book, especially one of poetry. I think that you should just make the book however long you think it should be and the people who are going to read it can just deal with the length. After all, you're the author. Your point of 150-275 is a good length for a book of poetry, though, I think.




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