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Poetry Forum. A poetry forum dedicated strictly to poetry. Poets can use this poetry forum for poetry workshops, sharing poetic techniques, discussing aspects of poetry, poetry publishing, and the poetry industry. Poetry forum members can enter poetry contests, post poems, and participate in the #1 poetry community on the internet.

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7/5/2014 7:17 PM - Miya Fontaine
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7/7/2014 8:03 PM - cheryl higgins
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4/28/2014 10:49 AM - Edmund Siejka
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Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
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203
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7/8/2014 3:15 PM - Kaye Locke
High Critique
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
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557
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7/9/2014 10:15 PM - Gabe Shelly
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Writing Poetry
Ways to improve your poetry. Post your techniques, tips, and creative ideas how to write better.
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7/8/2014 9:49 PM - Bob Atkinson
Poetry Everything
Discuss your favorite poems, poets, and poetry books - analysis, ideas, hidden meanings, random thoughts, etc.
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7/8/2014 9:45 PM - Bob Atkinson
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Can't find a poem you've heard once? Looking for a poem for a special person or an occasion? Ask other member for help.
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7/9/2014 10:42 AM - Nancy Zapf
Outside the Bowl
Post information about other useful poetry related websites and contests. Also report poetry scams.
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4/11/2014 9:36 AM - Steve Downes
Non-Poetry Talk
Love and Romance
Don't Post Poetry Here!!! Seeking relationship advice, romantic ideas or just want to express your feeling - Post Here!
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5/23/2014 6:51 AM - Robert Lindley
Fun and humor
Don't Post Poetry Here!!! Everything to make us smile - anecdotes, stories, fun things to do, etc. But NOT Poetry.
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6/24/2014 9:34 PM - kr river
I just need to talk...
Don't Post Poetry Here!!! Talk about anything or need a shoulder to cry on? Share your thoughts and emotions here:
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6/7/2014 12:46 PM - Ettie Christian
Publishing
Publishers
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5/1/2014 10:00 AM - Folajin Ademola
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7/4/2014 5:24 AM - Singh Ram Krishna
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How do I do it myself?
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Recent posts
7/9/2014 10:15:08 PM
Topic:
The Loneliness does end

Gabe Shelly
Posts: 73
I don't like using a word more than once unless it is an article as 'a', 'an', or 'the'. Lonely sounds too much like loneliness, though sometimes I will use words that sound like other words in poems. Yet, that doesn't happen very often.
As for L3, you're right I didn't need it, but what is art without the artist trying to put their own little signature on a piece. I like my poems to rhyme-- it helps me to remember them better. This is so I can call up a sick verse in my head at the crack of a whip, or woo a pretty girl with a sweet little 'Lady' poem that I wrote. I have a head injury so memorizing and reading are two very difficult things for me-- rhyming helps me to overcome that.
7/9/2014 3:27:27 PM
Topic:
The Loneliness does end

John Diamond
Posts: 4
I rather like this Gabe, but it could be tightened up some.
I think that L3 could go, and the "those" in last line.
Perhaps write the last line as -
Lonely only hurts the living not those that rot

Of course there is a subtle distinction between lonely and loneliness, but that may not be pertinent here.
7/9/2014 2:39:34 PM
Topic:
Snapdragons

John Diamond
Posts: 4
One is a serpent on the wing, the other a butterfly.
Each belongs to species created from
tissue paper, water and light.

Red and yellow have been known
to pour from their mouths;
moth wings lift from honey-coated stems.

I once had a bicycle made of snapdragons,
it rattled and shook with a thin brittle fire,
it bounced over the earth shedding sparks,
green, yellow and red oscillations
that cooled as they spun themselves
into soft focus.

When half awake and drifting,
you can hear the droning
of their nocturnal flights,
amber engines
rattle cut-glass hangers.

Some are more wolf than dragon,
they form packs of loup-garou,
and snap at the heavy-handed.

Those not employed in directing
the prayers of the earthbound,
retire to flower in urban cul-de-sacs,
chiffon wings and origami faces
masking much peppery passions.


~~
edited by John Diamond on 7/9/2014
7/9/2014 10:42:56 AM
Topic:
The ivy and the oak

Nancy Zapf
Posts: 1
I read a poem about and ivy plant that depended on an oak tree for most everything. It thought it couldn't survive without the oak tree. It needed it's strenght, support, protection, etc. Then you read how the oak tree felt about the ivy. It was the same, it depended totally on the ivy and felt the ivy was the stronger and the tree depended on it more. In the end, we were left to decide which was the stronger and more stable, if either. It was quite long, but beautiful.

I read this not long before the love of my life passed away. I would love to find a copy of it now. I depended on him so. I beleive maybe he felt the same about me.
7/8/2014 9:49:46 PM
Topic:
poetry forms

Bob Atkinson
Posts: 2
Form is irrelevant Wesley. Does the writing have emotional content? If yes, it's poetry, if no, it's prose.
7/8/2014 9:45:57 PM
Topic:
What do you consider "Not a poem" ?

Bob Atkinson
Posts: 2
Mr Hsu, Poetry was sung thousands of years before it was spoken. Form is irrelevant. I've defined Poetry as "the Emotional Content of Literature." If it's emotional, it's Poetry. If it's informative only, it's Prose. Bob
7/8/2014 4:09:49 PM
Topic:
a second thought" read and critique.

John Diamond
Posts: 4
Hi Hani, I'm new to this forum, and new to 'high' critiquing, so hope my remarks don't seem offensive!

I think there's quite a good poem here, but it's partly hidden by some verbiage. It also needs some visuals
to let the reader see or feel it. My edit would be-

You buy her a rose.

Make your way downtown only to find out through a text she wants to see other people.

You go to throw away your rose......but before you do, it hits you.

The flower is no less beautiful.

The world still turns.

What a lucky girl she must be they think.

...................who are "they"?
What a lucky guy I am I think.
...........................you/I/he?


.............I might write that last line as -

He leaves it on a train.

Hope this helps
edited by John Diamond on 7/8/2014
edited by John Diamond on 7/8/2014
7/8/2014 3:15:20 PM
Topic:
tum te tum and tempo

Kaye Locke
Posts: 3
Yep, but can't post more than one at a time, so thought people might check out my list. Thanks for responding anyway. Never mind!
7/8/2014 3:01:42 PM
Topic:
Raking Leaves

John Diamond
Posts: 4
The tines of the rake
comb through a dispersing blow.

Ocher clumps form random hillocks,
most slip through the iron teeth
dancing drunkenly away.

I was called into the rushing air.
Physical work with the dead and dying
is a ‘calling’ isn’t it?

The newly deceased keep falling.
Maple leaf bones crackle under foot.
I scoop their remains,
brush an autumnal cerecloth,
shake the dead into swirls of afterlife.


~~
edited by John Diamond on 7/8/2014
7/7/2014 11:02:24 PM
Topic:
To hear the sickle reap

Gabe Shelly
Posts: 73
True-- you do not need anything at the end of a line of poetry, but when I write 'the greater the mark, the longer the stare...' That even though I write in free verse there is a hidden rhythm in my poems if you say them aloud to yourself. If there is no mark at the end of a line, then you just shoot on through to the next. Yet, if there is, say, a comma, then you take a quick breath-- like a one/eighth rest in music (if I remember right). If there's say a dash at the end of a verse, then you take a greater pause with the greatest being the period. That's how I write. I'm not like Frost who will write whole reams of poetry without writing one thing at the end of his verses-- and he made great poetry but awful music. Writers-- very unique writers can tell stories on paper that can be as boring as spit, but they hold you so tightly so strongly that you are addicted to reading page after page of their work. This is because they can write music down with words that just sing to you. For me one of these writers is Bill Bryson, and his ideas of a good book bore the hell out of me. He wrote a book about where did we get all the names for everything in the United States. Good Gawd! And I bought it! And I read page after page-- me... I'd rather read up on Frank Miller and his "Sin City" or Batman in the "Dark Knight Returns"! Yet, there I was learning that as Americans the reason so many states have cities and towns of the same name is because basically our forefathers weren't very imaginative. To this day whenever, I'm at a bookstore I always ask about him.
7/7/2014 8:03:17 PM
Topic:
Is there something I'm missing?

cheryl higgins
Posts: 12
When I copy and post my poems to my personal memeber area, they are mashed up and ruined - all the work I did with line endings is gone, and I have to re-scan them and its worse than just typing them in. Do I have to type them in, or is there some way I can format them before cutting and pasting so that they hold their line endings? A soft enter? I am not enjoying the work after I post a poem!
7/7/2014 7:56:57 PM
Topic:
poetry forms

cheryl higgins
Posts: 12
Forms are a fun way to experiment. I often will read a poet and like how they used form and try to break it down then try it myself. I tried a Tanka. Tanka is a Haiku, which is three lines of 5, 7, 5 syllables. Tanka adds two more lines of 7 and 7.

A Tanka takes the representation given in a haiku, and expands on it with a bit of surprise or interest. For example:
Tanka (by Cheryl Higgins)

In the winter cold
grey trees crack in the grey air
an old harrow rusts
The woods, waiting, draw no breath
Nor can I waiting for you
7/7/2014 7:44:32 PM
Topic:
Use of a dash in iambic pentameter

cheryl higgins
Posts: 12
Actually, if you are looking for the use of a ceasura, which is a pause used as a rest for a metric foot, you can just allow that - in some forms, the use of a double bar || is used to indicate a rest or breath in a metrical foot. In general its not used, and if you write iamgic pentameter, count your five 'feet' of iambs, and if a syllable is left off, allow it for that line, and begin your next line correctly.

A caesura is like a rest in music. a space which takes up the room of a syllable, but is not represented except in the line and phrasing. Make your phrasing and line read correctly, and the reader will acknowlege that space. You do not need to use a dash, though.
7/7/2014 7:29:53 PM
Topic:
Use of a dash in iambic pentameter

cheryl higgins
Posts: 12
Be careful. You don't need a dash or a "dot dot dot" to signal a pause. The line ending its self is your pause, and that is why we choose our line endings carefully. In the middle of a liine, use a comma to signal a breath or pause, but there is no need for a dash.

You are trying to give too much to your reader. Let your reader find his own breath and write your poem so that he finds his breath where you want him to. Give your reader credit - we pause at the end of the line. We pause at a comma in the middle of a line. Let us read the poem and find our own understanding of it. Use periods where they need to be, commas, and question marks. It makes you as the poet, forces you to SHOW and not TELL us the poem.
7/7/2014 7:21:36 PM
Topic:
To hear the sickle reap

cheryl higgins
Posts: 12
Here's my take on the form for the poem:

What is it like in that moment before the end?
When the abyss stares you through?
I'd think you wouldn't know
When the sickle reaped.
edited by clhiggins on 7/7/2014
7/7/2014 7:17:38 PM
Topic:
To hear the sickle reap

cheryl higgins
Posts: 12
Hi - There's something we don't realize we don't need to do, when starting to write poetry, and its that "dot, dot dot" at the end of a line. You made some dashes.

In poetry, you don't need anything at the end of a line, except a period if its the end of a thought or sentence.

The end of a line in poetry implies a breath, a pause, a comma.

No commas at the end of a line, no dots, no dashes. We know you want us to pause, and we do, because you chose that line ending. Give your reader some credit! We know how to let a pause breathe!
7/7/2014 7:09:51 PM
Topic:
Please help me improve this poem

cheryl higgins
Posts: 12
Firstly, Its a good thought, which angst you expressed near the end. However, the two events are presented as though they need to be compared, and frankly you can't compare a police officer beng shot with a squirrell being run over and not killed by a car. Or, you can. But you didn;t.

Compare and Contrast requires you draw comparisons between the two, then admit the differencs, but acknowlege the similarites based on your earliest comparison.


The best you could do with what you presented is to declare that there are no similarities between the two events, yet confess to having the same feelings bout each, and ask a question about the morality of that. Because personally, if I knew a person who walked away from a police shooting and had any thoughts about a squirrell dragging its hind end around, I would question that person's drama quotient. In other words, you didn't convince me, as a reader, to empathize with you.

Start again. You have an idea, find the truth, the reality behind it, talk about what REALLY happend, the people who chatted on their cell phone during the shooting, the pull between you needing to get to your class and your all to human need to see a train wreck, the blow to the stomach you had when you saw what happened how many feet away, what did you do? Did you sneak off? Did you hold someone's hand? Be real. In your horror driving away from the scene, did you accidently run over a squrrell? How many squirrells have we actually, really, honestly truly SEEN run over and also SEEN them dragging their hindquarters afterwards? Aren't we already gone? Moviung on? Left to wonder?

Give me real honest feelings about what REALLY happened, not a superficial idea about what you imagine happened, and give me real feelings about real events. If you can't make this real, find something you can. If you can make this real, make me a witness to what really happened, and happened to you as you drove away.

Does that make any sense? Its a very good, poweful event, and image, and I want to feel the power, not la la along, like a squirrell.

Hope you don't mind, its my gut reacion. Hope you jump to the challenge and are inspired to write harder.
7/7/2014 8:59:05 AM
Topic:
The Loneliness does end

Mm mm
Posts: 1
Begs the Question... To be or not.
7/7/2014 12:12:18 AM
Topic:
The Loneliness does end

Gabe Shelly
Posts: 73
The Loneliness does end--
But to the emptiness you will go again.
Unfortunate is that lot--
But it only hurts the living, not to those that rot







7/3/'14
edited by Gabe on 7/7/2014
7/7/2014 12:06:34 AM
Topic:
To hear the sickle reap

Gabe Shelly
Posts: 73
I really do appreciate it when people take the time to give me their opinion," Thank-you for that." Now why did I use the word "to" instead of "when"... because the narrator or poet is pondering these thoughts to themselves. In poetry, nothing has to be grammatically correct... nothing has to follow a set of meters... in poetry all that matters is that you feel are understood by others, and by writing you were able to release some piece of yourself from your "Mind's-Eye" down onto the written page. To me writing poetry is like writing a song, if I didn't write it that way it was because I couldn't hear it.




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