CreationEarth Nature Photos
Submit Poems
Get Your Premium Membership

Poetry Forum

Poetry Forum. A poetry forum dedicated strictly to poetry. Poets can use this poetry forum for poetry workshops, sharing poetic techniques, discussing aspects of poetry, poetry publishing, and the poetry industry. Poetry forum members can enter poetry contests, post poems, and participate in the #1 poetry community on the internet.

Community Soup Bowl
Introductions
New to PoetrySoup? Introduce yourself here. Tell us something about yourself.
Threads
879
Latest post
4/28/2016 10:50 PM - Seth Diamond
How do I...?
Ask PoetrySoup Members how to do something or find something on PoetrySoup.
Threads
212
Latest post
5/4/2016 2:34 PM - Kit S
PoetrySoup Notes
Info and comments from the PoetrySoup Team.
Threads
2
Latest post
4/22/2016 7:15 AM - Rainbow Promise
Collaboration
Collaborate on a poem or external project.
Threads
5
Latest post
4/24/2016 7:51 PM - Jolene Cheyney
Poetry Critique
Be Gentle
Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
Threads
263
Latest post
5/4/2016 10:53 AM - Jolene Cheyney
High Critique
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
Threads
810
Latest post
5/3/2016 7:25 AM - Dorothy Yuan
Poem Editing and Help
Do you need help editing a poem? Maybe English isn't your first language. Post poems or request help with a poem or english here.
Threads
4
Latest post
4/13/2016 3:15 AM - Bob Atkinson
Poetry Talk
Writing Poetry
Ways to improve your poetry. Post your techniques, tips, and creative ideas how to write better.
Threads
66
Latest post
3/22/2016 4:09 AM - Jolene Cheyney
Poetry Everything
Discuss your favorite poems, poets, and poetry books - analysis, ideas, hidden meanings, random thoughts, etc.
Threads
66
Latest post
5/2/2016 10:16 PM - tapest
Looking for a Poem
Can't find a poem you've heard once? Looking for a poem for a special person or an occasion? Ask other member for help.
Threads
18
Latest post
4/4/2016 12:57 AM - Rainbow Promise
Outside the Bowl
Post information about other useful poetry related websites and contests. Also report poetry scams.
Threads
43
Latest post
4/13/2016 1:29 PM - malahatreview
Non-Poetry Talk
Love and Romance
Don't Post Poetry Here!!! Seeking relationship advice, romantic ideas or just want to express your feeling - Post Here!
Threads
27
Latest post
4/9/2016 11:29 PM - Jolene Cheyney
Fun and humor
Don't Post Poetry Here!!! Everything to make us smile - anecdotes, stories, fun things to do, etc. But NOT Poetry.
Threads
40
Latest post
4/26/2016 10:26 AM -
I just need to talk...
Don't Post Poetry Here!!! Talk about anything or need a shoulder to cry on? Share your thoughts and emotions here:
Threads
88
Latest post
4/26/2016 10:25 AM -
Publishing
Publishers
Know of any good publishers? Tell us about them here.
Threads
12
Latest post
4/30/2016 1:14 PM - Jolene Cheyney
How to...
Have you published a book. Tell others how you did it.
Threads
6
Latest post
7/29/2015 2:39 AM - P.I. Alltraine
Self-Publishing
How do I do it myself?
Threads
4
Latest post
4/16/2016 4:21 PM - Kristie Raburn
My Book(s)
Are you a published poet? If so, tell us about your book.
Threads
4
Latest post
4/6/2016 9:07 AM - Saatyaki So Seshendra Sharma


What's going on
Forum users online 4   Forum members online 0   Forum guests 4

Threads 2549   Posts 4923   Forum members 47276


Recent posts
5/4/2016 2:34:34 PM
Topic:
Advanced settings to the site I can't find?

Kit S
Posts: 1
I was hoping I could change the color of the background. I've got some migraine issues and could possibly read some more poetry if there were more options to the site. I figured there may be and I can't find them since I am "technologically challenged." Any help would be appreciated. A "no" is a fantastic answer as well . Have a happy day!

Kit

Also, I have no idea how to know if anyone replies... I hope PS emails me..
5/4/2016 10:53:00 AM
Topic:
Need criticism for college poetry piece. Thanks!

Jolene Cheyney
Posts: 54
Your words are beautiful and wise
Remember If you seek to win a prize

When you see sadness in her eyes

She may try to bury or disguise

Remind her that hope comes from the skies
5/3/2016 7:25:43 AM
Topic:
Critique Request

Dorothy Yuan
Posts: 7
http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/spring_rain__inspired_by_an_ancient_poem_iii_784876
5/2/2016 10:16:18 PM
Topic:
An Archey poem

tapest
Posts: 1







The music and video inserts are not mine, nor do I make any claim to them
The struggles of an archer
edited by tapest on 5/2/2016
5/1/2016 1:57:54 PM
Topic:
A Crow at the End of a Windy Day

Lukas Sotola
Posts: 1
The crow is exposed to the wind flouting its power,
thrashed about up and down and side to side,
feathers unkempt and nearly thrown against a pine,
the wind booming like the long hum of the gods' base drum,
swallowing the crow'scaws for help as he wobbles about the air.

The sky above seethes with the night and the sun's last light,
and becomes a wall of a dark blue hue as dusk arrives,
calmly looking on as the lost bird flaps feebly before its face,
the wind's weight jousting unrelenting against the bird's wings,
a storm with far more wrath than any contained in clouds.

Five hours later, he lays flat in a field, his feathers strewn about,
the wind beat him like an elephant that carelessly crushes an anthill.
The moon bathes his feathers in white blood, the same that gushed
at Golgotha when His knees were knocked out, and still the sky
With the moon, its one eye, watches calmly, and waits for sunrise.
edited by luukash on 5/1/2016
5/1/2016 1:01:52 PM
Topic:
Would like some feedback

Andrea Edwards
Posts: 5
Hello Lukas,

So I'm going to guess that this is actually a prose poetry because I don't see any indication of exactly what you want reviewed. That being said, I'll treat this as such.

Overall I think the use of alliteration was a little heavy handed because you tended to put them in sets of two that were always right next to one another and that took away from the effects I felt of the words. It made them sound more difficult to wrap around for an explanation and clarity because they were often moving forward so fast. There wasn't much time to "drift down to the earth on embers of freedom." It just kept going. I think if you allowed yourself to be looser with your alliteration, adding words in between the alliterated words, you'd find it more enjoyable to write with and it would have a better affect. Right now, it's too heavy handed, especially since the whole poem is ABCD etc, aside from the noticeable exceptions where you were persuaded by language itself to avoid such extreme words as xylophone and x-ray in a poem.

I like the show of vocabulary, but really it feels like all this really is at this point because of the heavy-handed nature of the writing.

Alliteration doesn't need to be right next to one another and it doesn't need to only bet two, so I think if you explore those aspects of writing, you'll be pleasantly surprised.
5/1/2016 12:41:18 PM
Topic:
Critiques Request

Andrea Edwards
Posts: 5
Hello,



I'd like it if someone could give me an in depth critique/review of my poem here http://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/together_in_the_stars_783622 either in this forum or as a comment. Preferably in this forum so that the character limit isn't an issue.




I'd like to know if the poetic tools used in my poem created different feelings, and what sort of qualities they had.
5/1/2016 11:31:09 AM
Topic:
Inspired by An Ancient Poem II)

Dorothy Yuan
Posts: 7
Homeward Bound




Normal 0 false false false EN-US ZH-TW X-NONE /* Style Definitions */table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}Leaving my temporary quarters
I ride a craft on green waters.
Between far banks lapped by calm tides
Swiftly the wind fills the sails.

As the rising sun cast away the night
new spring dispels the year gone by.
Sending tidings via returning geese.
Iam approaching home at last.
5/1/2016 11:31:08 AM
Topic:
Inspired by An Ancient Poem II)

Dorothy Yuan
Posts: 7
Homeward Bound




Normal 0 false false false EN-US ZH-TW X-NONE /* Style Definitions */table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}Leaving my temporary quarters
I ride a craft on green waters.
Between far banks lapped by calm tides
Swiftly the wind fills the sails.

As the rising sun cast away the night
new spring dispels the year gone by.
Sending tidings via returning geese.
Iam approaching home at last.
4/30/2016 1:14:53 PM
Topic:
Off-topic, need publisher, project is non poetry.

Jolene Cheyney
Posts: 54
Thank you, I found a publisher that's interested. But I'll check this one out too. See which one offers a better deal.
4/29/2016 5:47:51 PM
Topic:
help

Valerie Stokes
Posts: 1
How Do I post poems? Confused!
4/28/2016 10:50:38 PM
Topic:
input needed

Seth Diamond
Posts: 1
please read my poems and comment or rate. that is the only way I have to learn or know if i'm gettin it good
look for seth181818 i really need the input, thanks
4/28/2016 7:31:08 PM
Topic:
Lend Me Your Ear, Nightingale.

Andrea Edwards
Posts: 5
Hello DanielCarter,



I think one of the major problems in this poem is you're going for a singsongy tone using rhyme, which is making your words awkward, for instance the use of hail/fail pine/fine etc. What you do well is the beat of the poem, but you don't need a rhyme scheme to do that. I think it's coming naturally to you for that beat, and a beat alone can carry a poem without the rhymes. You just don't need them and that'll give you a better frame from which to work towards actually exploring what you want to say. That being said, I think one of the things this poem is sort of lacking is what it wants to say. You talk a lot about Nightingales but what're we really trying to talk about here? If it was about the bird, then it wouldn't really include the mythlore. I feel like you're doing a bit of namedropping and that's what you want to look at, how the Nightingale is used, not really the actual bird, so if you divest yourself from the rhyme, and rewrite this poem, I think you might find it easier to get at that issue. Also, having the constant periods or commas at the ends of lines really feels unnecessary with how well you wrote the beat.




So overall, I really think you should play with allowing the poem to flow because that's what you're really doing well here, and work away from a rhyme scheme towards something more, stable and less, caught up in using the right word.
4/27/2016 10:44:57 PM
Topic:
Problems with poem's final stanza, ending.

Bob Atkinson
Posts: 181
Anthony, this is amazing. We're thinking the same thoughts:



All Possible Combinations

- by - BobAtkinson

what if a plan got devised

to allow us infinity of combinations

in everything we do, everything we see

total rational computations




would we not in our ineptitude

have capability to disagree

would we then amuse creators

by conflicting local scenes




tragic as this thought may seem

to us this open ended world

carries duty preserved in hearts

to multi flags unfurl




we state out in an open play book

our feelings we do shout

so everyone hears our name

or name of our cause profound




an all knowing leader of our pack

who knows, tells only truth

gives us purpose to expound

in ways a bit uncouth




but then this amusement carries far

beyond what's sane, rational

if our leader's full of dip

and in reality's super bashful




who can tell us truth here folks

who stands for a good path

who carries us to a quiet future

not revolting by taking us back




back to when barbarity

set life's center stage

back before we co-operated to

help each other survive unscathed




ways of peaceful progress

where all could reap rewards

not just leaders of our bands

who laugh at life's resolve




resolve to choose which way to go

while not adhering to a saint

which, in reality, was a stupid person

who laughed at our mistakes




nobody knows pure truth on this

blue planet in universe's corner

no way to expound beliefs

which don't benefit the donor




no way to carry forth these dreams

which some seek a greedy find

without jumping on strong backs

of people, yours and mine




so when they tell you they know good truth

tell them “that's impossible my friend”

nobody knows reality

to state that's a mortal sin
4/27/2016 9:51:36 AM
Topic:
Problems with poem's final stanza, ending.

Leanne TuftyTift
Posts: 1
4/27/2016 9:12:24 AM
Topic:
Problems with poem's final stanza, ending.

Andrea Edwards
Posts: 5
Hey BigTone066,



So I can see why you're having a problem with the last stanza of this poem. It's not a different tone of voice, it's just different content. What you do well in the poem is keeping the same syncopation and following through with that all the way to the end. Despite adding, taking away, adding stanzas, I can't really see that while reading the poem. That means you're good at editing your poetry too.




As for the challenge of the stanza, try taking it out of a questioning tone for the last line. In general practice it's my opinion that if you want people to question you, then give them a declarative sentence and let them come back saying "No! You're not right, what about --" and I think that'll give you the reaction you're looking for without feeding them a question themselves.




I think there might be some other things you could work on in this poem too though, and I think if you worked on those things you might find a better way to end it, so I'm going to include them in the review.




First off, I think you got off topic near the middle of the poem, either that or your topic switched. You call this "The Illusion of Free-Will" but is that really what this poem is trying to say? I feel like your poem, in the end, came together talking about the falsehood of God in day to day life and the way the government has replaced God for many people. That being said, I don't think you ever really get into an argument about how free will is an illusion.




You talk about how destiny is a creation of government, but if they're creating destiny then that is the illusion, not free will, so which is it? Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't really see free will vs destiny a continuum between the two. There are some that might argue that even within destiny there is a little bit of free will about how you get there, but in the end, the same things are going to happen but that's an accepted part of what destiny means.




You also talk about chance and fate. Those two things basically mean destiny to me in their own ways. Chance provides the room for free will, when destiny leaves things up to chance, but fate is basically saying it'll happen how it was supposed to happen, which, put together, makes destiny. So, I'm not exactly sure what you're arguing for here because you seem to be arguing against Free Will in the title, and the first stanza, but destiny later.




That makes the poem a little more confusing and hard to summarize because I don't think the poem ever really draws out a solid point.




The last thing I'd like to point out is that you're writing this from a very detached perspective. There's a lot of animosity here that I can feel when I read the words, but they're put into the poem in such a way that I'm not exactly sympathizing with it. Because you don't go into details or show examples, even though you have this very essay-oriented poem [which I like that style], you're losing me as an audience to my own thoughts and arguments. The heavy biases in this poem make it difficult to really get into understanding what is being argued against and what is just disliked through the narrative.




Suggestions about how to fix it will follow.




Basically, I think you're going to have to start with deciding what you really want to argue here. If you want to say free will is nonexistent, then don't talk about destiny being a creation of the government. I'm getting that from the third stanza by the way. Once that's taken out or made the main point of your argument, you'll have to do some rebuilding and actually speak positively about the other choice. Either that, or make that third choice, the one you/your speaker believe(s) to be true, obvious and that should be your concluding stanza.




I think if you do that, you're going to have a poem that really starts to get a bit of a polish, but you're still going to have some work to do. After that, I think the only thing that's left is to decide about style for presentation, but that's not what you're asking about, so I'l just leave it as is.




I really hope this helps you see what I'm seeing. If it doesn't, feel free to drop me a line or ask me, and I'll try again.
4/24/2016 7:51:57 PM
Topic:
monotetra collaboration anyone?

Jolene Cheyney
Posts: 54
Thank you, but...

Of late, my request for help was limited to adding more imagery to my poems. Perhaps you would have been better off to stick with that. and please don't call me dear unless or until it has been asked of you.
4/24/2016 4:23:30 PM
Topic:
monotetra collaboration anyone?

Bob Atkinson
Posts: 181
Jmc86850 wrote:

"...include everybody on this site that's ever used the word sea in their poetry. I'm sure I'm not the only one..."

Calm down dear,
If something's been said a thousand times how can you call the thousand and first poetry?
There are poets, poemwriters and tripewriters. Which of these are you? Why are you faulting me for trying to help you improve your writing? Already new postings on this site contain less "thuz, izzes, arez, waszes and werez. Do I not get a thank you from you for that?
4/24/2016 1:48:25 PM
Topic:
Old but a Newbie to Poetry Soup.

Denis Barter
Posts: 1
Hi Reader. Just joined and struggling to find my way around. Probably older than most of the Membership, having left my adolescence long before most of you were born! I'm predominately a "dyed in the wool" traditional style poet. In other words, I generally follow a fairly strict rhyming format, with only an occasional foray into free verse! Please excuse typing errors as my eyesight has deteriorated somewhat of late - my excuse for bad spelling! I have a web site - not updated of late due to several factors - http://www3.sympatico.ca/poetscorner/poetry - feel free to browse. It tells you more of who I am and my interests/passions. I've travelled extensively and emigrated to Canada from the UK some fifty years ago! I can be reached at poetscorner@sympatico.ca and will reply to e-mails - allow me time to get back to my computer now Spring has sprung and my garden takes priority for the next six months!
Ciao Denis aka Rhymer.
edited by Rhymerca on 4/24/2016
4/24/2016 12:14:25 PM
Topic:
Kon'nichiwa

Mochizuki Chiyome
Posts: 1
私は人々がここに私の詩を楽しむことを願っています




Powered by AspNetForum 6.6.0.0 © 2006-2010 Jitbit Software