She was a barnacle on my bum
Following me around town
getting jealous if I talked to another girl
even if they were 91.
I didn't want to hurt her
because she was so sweet
But every time I turned around
she'd be there on the street
Some times she used to frighten me
I'd have nightmare in bed at night
She was like a heat seeking missile
and she had me in her sites.
She had lips like Mick Jagger
and was always kissing me
And all because I complimented her once
and bought her a cup of tea
Now she's besotted
and wants to marry me.
I can't see what she sees in me
I try to avoid her like the plague
I was scared to leave the house
But had to and be brave.
I had to always be on the watch
Like a hunting cat
be as agile as a ballerina
and as stealthy as a rat.
But then she found a boyfriend
I was happy as can be
Because he now had a barnacle on his bum
Phew! and not me.