Why did I just say the things I said?
For now your heart is pushed so far away.
Now recalling things I did with dread,
I wish there was a way to make you stay.
Now I will be living all alone;
I'll have to try surviving on my own.
Though I hope with all I am to see
Your face again, I know this cannot be.
Nothing rests where once I had a heart
That leapt for joy when you were brought to mind.
Nothing matters since we're torn apart;
And perfect memories I'll only find
Hidden in the shadows of the past
Forgotten in this present stormy blast
Inveighing how I acted, how I spoke,
And blaming me for dreams consumed in smoke.
Truly lost in thought, I fell inside
Myself and failed to call a pleading shout
For help to get me once again outside,
And now I cannot find the pathway out:
Loneliness and grief are pressing down
Firmly on my shoulders, and my crown
With disappointment in myself is bent,
And all because of how one hour was spent.
Deep inside my mind I feel the sun
That shone upon the shore the day I found
A friendly man; the first and only one
Who caused the butterflies to dance around.
Naught is left of pain I used to feel,
This world inside myself is just as real;
Very deep within this fantasy
I cannot feel life's reality.
Somehow I can feel your hand in mine,
The ocean breezes teasing through my hair;
Somehow through the blue-green ocean brine
We're splashing side by side without a care.
Gone are all the thoughts of what I've lost,
The truth, and what my selfishness has cost.
Deep within my thoughts, I can't recall
That you can't hear the words I softly call.
Now that you are gone, where will I go?
I only want to be where there is hope
Of finding you, like winds that ever blow
O'er land and sea throughout earth's boundless scope.
What am I to do without you here?
The future only hides in clouds of fear
As dark as those that shroud this dreary day;
So all that's really left to do is pray.
Written 16 May, 2014