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Funny Rain Poems

Below are the all-time best funny Rain poems written by Poets on PoetrySoup. These top poems in list format are the funny examples of rain poems written by PoetrySoup members

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Details | Rain Poem |

Forbidden Fruit

Forbidden fruit is sweetest, or that’s what they all say
So I thought I’d give it a try and went for some today
I didn’t know just what to choose something firm and hard or what
So I thought I’d take a sample of everything they’d got.

There was some really hard ones, some were ripe and very sweet
But I chose one in the middle and it looked good enough to eat
I caressed it very gently and waited for it to please
I nearly didn’t go through with it, I was really gonna tease.

My taste buds are not set for sweet they prefer something more savoury
But no I stuck to my guns but I want no awards for bravery
I took one that looked just right, its rich colour tempted me to bite
But have you ever bitten a persimmon, that isn’t really ripe?

It sucks the moisture out of your mouth and covers you teeth in wool
Believe me you just try it; I am not giving you any bull.
Now for those that thought the fruit, would be some other man
Maybe that’s on my ‘to do’ list, before I kick the can……….LOL

Shame on you all, for all your naughty thoughts
Especially for those of you, that can’t keep it in their shorts
To all those that do struggle, to keep the forbidden fruit at bay
Just remember the persimmon and you will never rue the day.
© ~GG~ 4/12/2012


Details | Rain Poem |

DARE WE

~Dare We~ Side by side in the full moonlight, looking up in wonder Shoulders rubbing, breaths, mingling hands begin to wander Daringly we looked together, would we really dare… No one about we can try, there seem no eyes to stare. Hand in hand we start to hide away from the moonlit sky We really want to do this, but we are feeling rather shy Should we in this moonlight, try to recapture our youth? He takes his shoes and socks off, I am excited now in truth… His pants come down, I kook aghast, “they cost a lot” I heard him say. My shoes and jacket I remove, deciding it's time to play He takes me by the hand; our bodies mingle and turn together We feel so young this moonlit night with outstanding weather. His legs shine white, silhouetted against the moonlit sky Now is the time, there's no one here, I am not letting this pass me by Up and down, slowly, carefully, his body looks so lean I can’t believe we are sneaking a go on our neighbour’s new trampoline...
© 5/08/2012 ~GG~


Details | Rain Poem |

Admissions of a Sloth

I like to exercise my mind, but how I hate to work.
Whatever needs exertion is the action that I shirk.
Labor with the brain is fine.  I do it all the time.
How I love to sit and read or think of words that rhyme.

But send me to the bathroom with a brush so that I'll scrub,
and I'll barely rub the ring off.  Then I'll lie there in the tub.
Peek inside; you'll find me, a novel in one hand,
resting as I'm soaking in my own little Bubble Land.

Clean the oven?  What a joke.  The most that I can stand
is loading up the wash machine (a task that's merely bland).
Maybe run the vacuum once a week across the floor,
and quickly dab where dust is bad; most stuff I ignore.

As my jobs all pile up, housework's even more a chore.
Why must work that's physical be such a dreadful bore?
My well-ingrained aversion to utilizing muscle
does have one exception: at the gym I like to hustle.

To kick box is so fun although it makes me sweaty.
Step and dance are choreographed.  For those I'm always ready.
But I wish that just as quickly as from running on a tread
I could burn up calories doing workouts in my head!


Details | Rain Poem |

Venus Courts Mars on Valentine's Day

A single red, heart-shaped balloon isn’t enough
So I splurge and buy fourteen adorned by cupid
I tie them to the chair of my beloved “Hot Stuff”
To think mere balloons might please him would be stupid

So I search and search for the grandest tea roses
His favorite warm colors are all blended in each 
His desk they decorate in striking poses
Hope these will do the trick and his passion beseech

But then I remember his strong chocolate craving
Godiva treats I purchase and spare no expense
Set beside roses, surely he’ll be raving
He’ll be home in an hour; I can’t bear the suspense

When the door opens, I am wearing a teddy
The Valentine card he takes with a gloomy look
When he sees his desk, he wails, “Enough already!”
And he doesn’t even try my straps to unhook

How puzzled I feel when he says, “We have to talk”
No, he hadn’t forgotten this lovers’ holiday
Into his small closet he suggests we should walk
He seems so depressed; I’d expected a hooray

Piled high in the closet are all occasion gifts
Gaudy Christmas sweaters and tons of chocolate hearts
He can’t find his clothes and between us grows a rift
To sort through this maze, he would need a detailed chart

“Take all this stuff with you and please just leave my home
In fact, I’ll pay your expenses to relocate
And be sure to take that hideous garden gnome
Make it snappy, will you?  I have a date at eight!”



*For Joyce’s “Emotional Response” contest


Details | Rain Poem |

Twas the Night Before Christmas

(warning: adult humor) Twas the night before Christmas when I and my groom finally found a motel but with just one room. My groom was in the bathroom - leaving me alone- so that he could douse himself with some cheap cologne. I - in my red negligee - thought of bump and grind, visions of his sugar plums dancing in my mind. Then a noise I heard outside gave me such a fright! who was out there in the snow on our special night? Opening our small room’s door, I felt like a goof. It was just an icicle falling off the roof. Then I felt a sudden breeze. One unlucky bride! As the door behind me shut, I was locked outside. When upon my motel door I began to pound, it was clear that my dear groom did not hear a sound. Right before my startled eyes, what should then appear? Someone dressed as Santa Claus, filling me with fear! His eyes, though not so cheery, lit up, seeing me as he crossed the street and came stumbling drunkenly. I stood helpless, trembling in scanty siren red when an icicle fell down clunking my poor head. I revived in the ER, thong still on my rump! Underneath my bandage was an enormous lump. Thankfully my groom was there, smelling of Old Spice. But we’d have no chance to give gifts naughty and nice. At our room I later saw Santa Claus was there - that same guy who’d seen me in sexy underwear. Having seen my accident he’d informed my groom right before he then collapsed stone drunk in our room. Santa on our honeymoon with cheeks rosy red, (but not one “Merry Christmas”), stole our wedding bed.


Details | Rain Poem |

Crazy Thoughts No 1

Why do they call it 'tourist season'
If you're not allowed to shoot 'em
Seems like a great opportunity
To end the over crowding problem

If a house fly loses both of its wings
Would we have to call them 'walks'
Is it possible to have a civil war
Of course not that's just silly talk

Any idea what the best thing was
That came before sliced bread
If a turtle somehow loses its shell
Is it homeless, naked, or dead

I find this saying quite unnerving
“Practice” is what doctors do
And braille on drive-through windows
Find that kinda scary don't you

If a parsley farmer ever gets sued
Can they legally garnish his wages
Well that's enough of this silly talk
At times I go through these phases

© Jack Ellison 2012


Details | Rain Poem |

Goodbye, Good Riddance! (Co-written with James Fraser)

With no toilet seats carelessly left propped up
Oh, now I can be such a comfortable pup
Please take your Playboys straight out that open door
Then shut it quickly; I can take no more!
 
    Be gone with you, take all your shoes
    Your hairspray, make-up and your girly blues
    Three weeks of the month you loved me fair
    For the other week, I lived in fear
 
MY shoes?  Why you foul beast!  Your odor eaters
Didn't work!  Your smelly boots rest in sewers
Where they belong with that greasy hair goo
That left ugly stains on pink pillows once new
 
    Your pants were too tight, I couldn't get them off
    I can now wear my own; no longer you'll scoff
    And as for your cooking my health has improved
    Your name on the rent book, phew! finally removed
 
The credit card tab from your pub is gone now, too
That hussy barmaid can deliver it to you
And your shavings that clogged up my bathroom sink
Will be mailed to your mistress fast as you can blink
    
    At least she knew how to look after a man
    In bed with you was like a flash in the pan
    At least barmaid Betty purred when this Highlander taunted
    She was sensuous, delectable and she knew what she wanted
 
I'll remember you most when viewing pond scum
You sure were a loathsome son of a gun
I'm leaving this pit, too, so what the heck?
I'll send a new address for the alimony check
 
     You'll get your money like you earned it before
     Dancing naked on the pole in the floor
     I took you in, clothed, cared and fed
     But it wasn't me that was in your bed


Details | Rain Poem |

If I were a Who

If I were a Who,
  From down in Who-ville.
I’d be called Ra-who-l,
  Cooking on my Who-grill.

I’d IM my friends,
  On my Ya-Who.
I’d always be happy,
  For Who-ville’s not blue.

I’d be full of enjoyment,
  I’d be yelling who-ray.
I’d have a rende-who,
  With my friends today.

For all the Who-girls,
  And all the Who-boys.
Would gather around,
  With all their who-toys.

I’d still write my poems,
  On Poetry S-who-p.
For all of my friends,
  There’d be a tribute.

And you could find me,
  All over Who-tube.
I’d be a Who-poet,
  If I were a Who. 








__________________
Inspired by Dr. Seuss


Details | Rain Poem |

Things I Don't Understand

There are things I don't understand
And would really like to know
Such as why they call it rush hour
And you move so freakin' slow

How come you get a learner's permit 
To get a license to drive a car
But they don't give one for a marriage license
Now I think that's going too far

Why do they put deer crossing signs up 
Do you believe there is really any need
In all my years of driving
I've never met a single deer who can read

I was reading a map in the park
And it definitely astonished me so
It had a red X that said you are here
And I was wondering how they know.


Details | Rain Poem |

Laughter The Best Medicine

Forty years of married life, the couple set out to celebrate
Fine dining beautiful wine, and a waltz with stumbling gait
Turning to her husband she demands for him to remember details
Quickly he answers, “Yes darling, your beautiful dress, my hat and tails.”

He walked beside her hand in hand she notices a tear drop that falls
Thinking he’s sentimental she demands to know what he does recall
Sighing wistfully looking at the stars he tells her, it was before they did wed
Your father had a shotgun, he said if I didn’t turn up I'd wish I was dead.

“Why do you remember that, is there nothing more romantic you can say?”
The virago of a wife demands more memories of the wedding day…
The husband sighs “He said he would send me to jail for forty years at the very least“ 
I just had a thought, if I hadn’t married you, tomorrow would be my day of release……


© 28/11/2012~GG~ 

Entry for Laughter The Best Medicine sponsored by Vie


Details | Rain Poem |

Muscle-Man Male Call

Hey there, Muscle Men, please come my way
I’m moving out on Labor Day
Packing’s made me a muscle lady
Biceps are growing on this baby

Incredible Hulks are welcome here
Superman seems to have disappeared
Consider the workout you’ll receive
A hopeful woman wants to believe

That those who can lift barbells so high
Could stack and haul, making this move fly
Speed like The Flash is what I need most
Flex muscles, don’t just stand there and boast

Batman, the cave needs to be cleared out
So bring your friends; give Robin a shout
Trapped in time, Achilles defends Troy
I pray the Lord sends a modern boy

Who wants to help a gal in distress?
The Holy Spirit brings my request
My aching bones would welcome a hand
From one who fancies himself a he-man


Details | Rain Poem |

A REDNECK LOVE POEM

                                             A REDNECK LOVE POEM

Susie Lee done fell in love,
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all,
She told her pappy so.

Pappy told her, Susie Gal,
You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yore ma don't know,
But Joe is yore half brother.

So Susie put aside her Joe,
And planned to marry Will;
But after telling Pappy this,
He said,Thar's trouble still.

You can't marry Will my gal,
And please don't tell yore mother,
But Will and Joe and several mo',
I know is yore half brothers.

But Mama knew and said, My Child,
Just do what makes ye happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe,
Ye ain't no kin to Pappy.

                                       Author Unknown

                                        (Jes like Pappy)


I didn't write this but it was so cute I had to share it.

                                                       Judy Ball


Details | Rain Poem |

A Zulu Warrior

Do you sometimes see a Zulu Warrior Staring back from the mirror in the morning! A nasty fierce looking bad tempered dude Obscenities flying out without warning Crabbing bout having to make a living But enjoying all the many accoutrements If it wasn't that, it'd be something else People just love to complain and vent A shower and shave, you're almost human Not one person will ever suspect That a member of the Zulu Warriors tribe Was a coworker of great respect Do you sometimes see a Zulu Warrior Staring back from the mirror in the morning! © Jack Ellison 2012


Details | Rain Poem |

A New Love

Could it be only yesterday we met?
This night together seemed so very right.
So nice to wake up to a happy face,
To find you with me still at morning light.

I dare not think my lonely days are done,
It is too soon to be so optimistic.
I must be patient, wait to see what comes,
Dampen my ardor, be more realistic.

Is this but the first of our shared breakfasts?
I fear I’ll frighten you with silly talk.
You must admit that we are good together.
I grab your leash and take you for a walk.

 



Won 2nd in Brian's contest


Details | Rain Poem |

Wet but Wiser

A dog! A panic in a pagoda!
Rex sneaked in with a can of cream soda,
he shook it up hard and then pulled the tab.
But Rex was too slow for their choc'late lab.

Cain: a maniac, the brown dog's head swelled,
confused by the fizz but a rat he had smelled.
He was a god's dog, ergo, a ogre -
mighty fine watchdog, well-trained at Kroger.

Schooled in their stockroom with all kinds of nuts
whose tricks won ribbons for all kinds of mutts.
Cain's radar kicked in, went straight for the can
and turned it on Rex who lost his game plan.

On the way out, he offered some Kleenex.
No one's the wiser, except maybe Rex.
Recording the facts, Cain writes in his log,
Was it a rat I saw? or Am I a dog?


6 palindromes:
A dog, a panic in a pagoda
Cain, a maniac
god's dog
ergo, a orgre
radar
Was it a rat I saw


6



Details | Rain Poem |

Hair

We've always been obsessed with hair Ponytails or long and flowing Medusa's hair would turn you to stone If you gazed on it, no joking In the 60s a Broadway hit called “Hair” With its popular anthem “Aquarius” Prompted a new age of sexual revolution Some of the sights were hilarious What's the attraction I don't understand Seems kinda primitive to me Being obsessed with this body adornment It's kinda pagan wouldn't you agree Imagine if we had the same obsession With some other interesting parts How about plump and rhythmic derrieres Call it “Bums” with the hit song “Farts” Sorry I got totally lost in my thoughts Such a silly billy I am So back to poetry about social issues To prove I can be serious, I can © Jack Ellison 2012


Details | Rain Poem |

My Sister Is An Alien!

My sister is strange
There's no doubt about it
She's an Alien,  that's why
Just get up and shout it!

Her mind control crying
Gets her anything she wants
I say "That's not fair!"
But she just looks at me and taunts

My sister is strange
There's no doubt about it
She's an Alien,  that's why
Just get up and shout it!

It's just a disguise
I'm on to her
Is she scaly
Or covered in fur

My sister is strange
There's no doubt about it
She's an Alien,  that's why
Just get up and shout it!

She's spying on us
They 're ready to invade
So don't just be frightened
Be very afraid!

My sister is strange
There's no doubt about it
She's an Alien,  that's why
Just get up and shout it!


She knows I'm on to her
She's calling for friends
So run for your life
And hide till it ends


Details | Rain Poem |

There Goes Your Life

There goes your life
Ain't ya gonna get it?
It's gonna pick up speed
Ain't ya gonna stop it?

I don't know where it's going
But it doesn't look so great
I think you better stop it
Before it gets too late

I think you ought to slow it down
Before it gets in a crash
Think of what may lie ahead
And don't do anything else rash

There goes your life
I hope that it can swim
I hope that nothing too bad comes
Because of your sudden, stupid whim

There goes your life
You set it on it's way
Now ain't ya gonna catch it?
Or shall we close our eyes and pray?


April 2010


Details | Rain Poem |

Soup Addict

I just can't believe it
I'm addicted to soup
I can't put the spoon down
I continue to scoop

So many flavours
I can't get enough
It's like there's heroin
They put in this stuff

Sure I can quit
Any time I want
But wait a minute
Look at that font

A few more minutes
Perhaps an hour or two
Good thing I kept reading
I got introduced to you


Details | Rain Poem |

Poor Eyesight

Have you ever woke up in a rush,
  And realized you couldn’t see.
You look in your usual spots,
  And think where could they be?

I always put them right here,
  But where did I place them last night.
All I know is that it’s hard to find,
  A pair of glasses with poor eyesight.

I have searched my entire room,
  And my glasses are gone.
Now my cluttered room is a mess,
  I must have slept with them on.

You throw stuff around and ransack
  Possible locations in your head. 
Then like nothing ever happened,
  There they are right under the bed.


Details | Rain Poem |

Poets Despair

I despair at writing poetry
I'm not sure I have the skill
Just can't seem to find the words
Or bend them to my will

It's hard to sum up what I mean
And make it sound succinct
So as a poet should I stop
And quietly go extinct?

Should I lay my pen to rest
And let it gather dust?
But something seems to urge me on
To write is now a must!

So putting pen to paper
I'll scribble just for fun
And maybe one day very soon
A poet I'll become!


Details | Rain Poem |

Poets

Poets
Why is it poetry, is a like dirty word and talked of in undertones?
It’s like a naughty postcard, more flesh than there are bones.
Poets tend to deny their art, “I’m not a poet, I’m a rhym-er”
Come on you lot get stuck in don’t be a poetry two-timer.

After a glass of alcohol some may admit-“I like a little verse”
“But no I m not into poetry…” It’s like a speech they did rehearse.
Now poems I’m getting good at, but famous poets I don’t know any
Don’t ask me if I’m a poet, because in wages I don’t earn a penny.

Now rhyme I am not bad at, but at free verse I would stink
As for haiku, senryu, and other forms, I stink I really think…
I listened to some so called poets; decry their art the other day
They denied their art while they listened, to what each other had to say.

Standing there with their poems held high, “I’m not a poet” they all said
Well get down from the microphone and let’s hear a poet instead…
They pass their poems around the table, like some black market currency
Not wanting anyone to see it, but they are at a reading for poetry.

So be loud and proud you poets stand firm for what you believe in
Tell them you are a poet, and just get used to all the teasing
I used to be a shy poet and I write verse with some frivolity
But the definition in my dictionary says “words with a pleasing quality.”

So now I am open to judgement from all of you wonderful poets
You have all commented on my work, but do you really know it?
You all have qualities that scare me, you really seem so clever
So can I finally admit to being a poet, from now on  and forever?	
~GG~ 27/09/2012
 




Details | Rain Poem |

First Snowfall

Snow falls softly late one night In the darkness it does bask I dread the job tomorrow Shoveling will be my task Beauty is in the eyes of the viewer I see nothing but giant flakes of work The trees all have snow on this first shower Dreading the day of a job using torque The pathways are snowed over All with a reflective white I want to get to bed soon For I know tomorrow’s plight I’m mesmerized by the beautiful scene Not a thing is without some wondrous snow Even though I sure do dread the next day I will put on a great, wonderful show This time of year affects me Seems to rub off some great cheer I will find a way to smile Though there’s snow up to my rear
Russell Sivey Form Quatrain-1st, 3rd, 5th stanzas have 7 syllables, 2nd, 4th stanzas have 10 syllables


Details | Rain Poem |

Prelude to a Poke

I do not recall
The bravado with which I spoke
The titillating prose
Seduction’s prelude to a poke
You spoke of love
with a lust that I understand
your heart a bloom
your derriere met my hand
I pulled you closed
my eyes nearly met yours
your bosom winked  
thank God I wore drawers
Do you not see
that my passions are pure
a burning in my loins
for which water has no cure
We gazed upon the heavens
I wrapped her in the moonlight
I looked at the time
my prayers faded into night
We danced till dawn
I had answered her romantic call
I whispered sweet somethings
Before her foot procured my fall


Details | Rain Poem |

Beyond Salvage

An old herbal gard’ner turned bard
dedicated and well-versed
now works his pen from his backyard
in plants and poems immersed.

His choice nouns engender meaning
cleverly minted with scents.
Rare verbs gingerly gleaning
from time’s savory essence.

Somewhat focused on composing
but nettled by a drizzle;
unexpected down-hosing
causes his brain to fizzle.

Lo! His inspiration now gone
like the ink upon his page.
Mrs. Bard calls from the lawn
“I just watered the sage.”


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