My metabolism went missing~
moseyed off one lazy morning,
mumbling something about
mandatory moonlit me-time.
Now it mingles with mischief,
maybe munching on marshmallows,
maybe meandering through
mysterious medieval corridors
with zero motivation to return.
Meanwhile, I’m here~
making peace with my monstrous midsection,
marveling at how one small,
slippery, stubborn system
can stage such a spectacular
metabolic mutiny.
PS “Wherever my metabolism wandered off to, would you at least send a postcard?!”
Well, yo ho ho and it is mutiny for us.
Toss the captain overboard, nothing to discuss.
We’ve had enough of orders, break the chain of commands.
If he wants to argue, there’s the back of your hand.
Sailing on the seven, hoist the sails ’gainst the wind.
We don’t need to navigate the coast.
Open up the bottles, drink the whiskey and gin.
To the health of Davy Jones we’ll toast.
Well, yo ho ho and now the treasure is all ours.
Gold and silver shining, can’t you feel the power?
The world is ours, me matey! Take it by the throat!
Nothing more can harm us, as long as we can float.
Sailing on the seven, the wind against our backs.
We don’t need to fear the captain’s ghost.
Cannon on our starboard! We’ll never pay the tax!
To the health of Davy Jones we’ll toast.
Well, yo ho ho, me matey, pass the bottle on.
We’ll take our turns at sipping ‘til it all is gone.
Feel the bitter burning as it slides down your throat
Then toss it on the fire so we can load the boats.
Sailing on the seven with chanteys on our lips,
Stay ahead of all the Navy hosts!
Keep a wary eye out for some rich merchants’ ships.
To the health of Davy Jones we’ll toast.
Fifteen people on a tour
Of Scotland on a bus.
Thirteen strangers, plus the guide
And driver rode with us.
Like a dance, we do-si-doed
And joined or pulled apart,
While learning ‘bout each other;
Group dynamics got to start.
Our leader was the one in charge,
Deciding times and routes,
His local knowledge vast and true;
Of that we had no doubts.
But certain discontentments grew
Against our Scottish guide,
Whose rogue decisions made things worse
And couldn’t stem the tide.
Complaints were made; the plug was pulled,
The mutiny complete,
Our trusty driver leading now
From in the driver’s seat.
The group was jelled - well, more or less,
And all are much less stressed
Since our bounty of discomfort
Laid the awkwardness to rest.
Woke up from deep peaceful sleep
Acid reflux turquoise troubling me
With regret I rethink what'd I eat
Cheesy potato skins culprit me thinks
The food is rebelling behind my breast
Like blue boat sailing in my chest
Gas and vomit won’t let me rest
I must eat better I cranberry confess
Soft, like solitude, silent and still
Soothing away the sorrows,
Grumbling, rumbling, suggestions
Muffled by mystery, our history –
Trembling beneath the shadows,
Quivering in life’s strange insurgences
More Horn Haiku
opportunity
for mutiny immunity
in Trump community
they were caught cheating
more trouble may be meeting
should be unseating
Trump others shorted
many lies he had imported
out was escorted
had known from the start
God great and glorious Thou art
we shall never part
James Thesarious Hilarious Horn
or Serious Mysterious
The whole thing had seemed some mutiny
While hundred eyes stuck to scrutiny!
A young Eve with an old company
She’d met at a roadside company,
Freshly by his side in bikini
And freshly quaffing iced martini…
Next, some careless bites of zucchini
She’d picked from a Free Sabatini,
Litters from The Free Thing all over,
Even as she held its left over…
Bikini! And there’s no swimming pool,
Not for a mile pond without toadstool
A morning too cold for waters cool
And that’s why wearer had seemed a fool…
Plus eyes could afford scrutiny
Of The Disturbingly Skinny!
Men fly The War-Plane of Mutiny
By querying their Destiny
And fly The Very Flag of Mutiny
When Destiny they mock with scrutiny
Vowing to no more drink Martini
Nor in other coolers harbor any tinny
Just like Britain can’t erase her felony
When Nigeria was her colony
One can’t A World of Monotony
Through ceaseless appearance in a ceremony!
Into it I read a mutiny
And a rebellion against Destiny
A Can-Never-Stop Glutton
Checking quarrels with his shirt button
Or a Decreed life of Celibacy
Fighting this with Ecstasy
Or even with The Slowest Immediacy …
Against Foreordained Destiny
We unwisely mutiny
With our Wise Scrutiny.
(a sonnet)
Two realities, both alike in dignity,
In fair America, where we lay our scene,
There fallacious grudges explode into mutiny,
and lawful-blood makes patriot-hands unclean.
From common bonds these neighborly foes,
sail contrary seas of truth; on which they stake their lives.
Some, stoked for misadventure, by the host of a TV show,
do with their scurrilous deeds bury their futures for strife.
The fearful passage of compatriots love,
by continued embrace of marketed rage,
which, admitted truth and humility could dispose of,
fills now our breathless hours and sets our stage.
Which of you, with angry hearts, will patient peace attend,
and back away from martial games so pointless strife can end?
Finally, the ship Queen Mary had set sail.
With a crew out for vengeance on the open sea.
Capt. Wood was captain, without blemish, or fail.
Listen to this story of betrayal,
As the Queen Mary set sail under Capt. Wood the mighty.
Finally, the ship Queen Mary had set sail.
A fortnight out, the Queen Mary screamed a wail.
Her captain was seized and bound, as the crew bathed in the glory.
Capt. Wood was captain, without blemish, or fail.
Painful it is to recall this tragic tale,
The crew planned for days; it was all their minds' eye could see.
Finally, the ship Queen Mary had set sail.
Sadly, the evil in men's hearts did prevail.
Why they hated the captain is a mystery even to me.
Capt. Wood was captain, without blemish, or fail.
Remember this event, now a story, a tale.
Always think of what the next tale could be.
Finally, the ship Queen Mary had set sail.
Capt. Wood was captain, without blemish, or fail.
The Cane Mutiny
He had but one leg and one eye
and a ship run aground sitting dry
but his cane - still attached
and his limp - unabashed
caused the ladies to mumble – “OH MY”.
©4/8/2019
Pirate Themed Limerick Poetry Contest
Tania Kitchin sponsor
Scrutiny of Mounting Mutiny
Wanted to feel secure so had a scrutiny,
Of what would be big mounting mutiny;
How they react,
To body contact;
Immediately knew ir required immunity.
Jim Horn
H M S Bounty
harsh sadistic Captain Bligh. . .
Fletcher's restraint breaks
Copyright © 2018 by Mark Toney. All rights reserved.
First published 2018 in Hollywood Haiku via wattpad.com
Lived eight years in a retirement community
Best eight years, so thankful for the opportunity
Elderly ladies clamoured around me
Best looking oldster they ever did see
Had to beat them off with a stick to avoid a mutiny
Never too old!
Scapegoat Mutiny
The perspicuous statements by The Man, meant to flatter,
Were maximally inurbane. In hindsight could only alienate
The dozens of individuals who now gravitate to retaliate.
The Scapegoat Mutiny must succeed!
Woe to those who think it transitory,
bountiful malignant repercussions shall befall them!
Any actions to dissipate will fail!
Those are the claims of the mutineers.
The capricious results will be perceived as beneficial by some
And detrimental by others.
15 September 2016
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