Humor Poems | Examples

List of Member Poems

Premium Member Medieval Monk

A medieval old monk named Fitzsimmons
did fret about nocturnal emissions, 
so got help and advice
on a drainage device
from a sage group of sewer technicians.

Premium Member tourists, please

(mostly Senryu poems)

Why do people attempt to engage?
When I'm so obviously disengaged.

Ok, tourists, when
I'm communing with my phone
please leave me alone.

I'm shopping, waiting
for the metro, I don't like
talking to strangers.

People in Paris,
think people who stop you on
the street are scammers.

I'm not here to help,
like a theme park employee.
Take your own pictures.

Your phone is equiped
With GPS, and very 
exact directions.

This is my home, I'm
on my way somewhere, like school,
I have a schedule.

I'm not Mickey Mouse
or a Blues Clues character. 
Jésus, go away

Are we unfriendly?
No, we're living - would you stop
a New Yorker? No.
.
.
Songs for this:
Comme ci, comme ça by ZAZ

VAMPIRA

On Halloween night, Vampira walked in
Wearing some type of tight gray skin
All heads suddenly turned
Her gazed made them burned
Into red dust their bodies turned


A VAMPIRE

A vampire looked around
To see how many victims
He could find, he saw
Two necks pulsing fast
So, he planned to jump their ass
Ha, he laid-in-wait for
His delicious date 
So, as they walked out the door
He quickly slammed them to the floor
The two began to change
Into something that looked real strange
The poor vampire tried to flee
Not knowing that he was the key
To setting those creatures free

Premium Member The Newly Dead

Whither shall I go—
Shall I haunt the willow
Drag my nails 'cross thy dewy window
Push the wicker chair to and fro?
These are all terrors that I know
What do the newly dead do
When there is nowhere
We would venture to
Or care feel despair
Or shed boo-hoos
Should I wait in the broom
Closet for you
Radiating gloom
Waiting to shout "boo!"
What do the newly dead do?
They said it would be fun
To watch the frightened run,
But so far that just isn't true
And maybe a little mean
From the little I've seen—
But hey, I'm new;
Maybe just one of the few
Who wishes there was something better
To do
Than scare another bed-wetter
Or ruin a new hairdo—
It's just all so boring
We sit 'round till morning
Then some awful cock crows
Ringing thro' fields and clear 'cross meadows
And everything just turns black—
And it's cold
And there's a smell—
Like putrid mold.
Well,
I guess it's better than hell,
But who the hell knows

Premium Member there were exploratory texts

(A series of Senryu poems)

He got her number
from a friend who thought him cute
freelance matchmaking

His poems of her
sounded more like yelp reviews
—good—but not five star

His texts were a kind 
of a boyfriend audition
- he got no callback
.
.
 Songs for this:
SILVER APPLE EYES by Kasabian
lamb (feat. Kellin Quinn) by Julia Wolf


Premium Member A Love Affair with Fingers May Seem Dumb

   
                A love affair with fingers
                May seem dumb to some 
	        If only their brain cells would linger
                   The depth of the matter plumb

                Fingers play sonatas and arpeggios
                Hold the spoon for to eat Cheerios
                They fold up into tight fists
                    Unfolded, help to play whist

                 They tap out rhythms on desks and tables
                 Of so many things are they able
                 So, why shouldn’t we love our fingers
                     One can even be 'given' 
                     to lunatic left or right-wingers

Premium Member Footles on the Farm

The Horse
   says Neigh
   eats Hay

The Cow
   builds mass
   eats grass

The Pig
   eats slop
   won't stop

The Sheep
   wool sleeves
   eats leaves

The Chicken
   his feed
   is seed

The Goat
   strange clan
   eats can

Premium Member Jealous Boyfriend

This object resembled a phallus
was stored in a rather large chalice
kept close to her bed 
it was many times said 
Her boyfriend was often quite jealous

Premium Member Formal Attire

There's a shindig in town where the upper class flocks
This societal stuff Joe constantly mocks
bow tie and black shiny shoes
entry for Joe they politely refuse
If you want to come in wear more than a pair of brief jocks

Premium Member Squirm

Pulled a face when he swallowed a tapeworm
Made him wriggle and jiggle  and squirm
down his gullet it slipped
his demeanour now flipped
He hopes it passes through in the short term

Premium Member Old Socks

She runs in just a pair of old socks
The public so often she shocks
arrest her they said 
past the coppers she sped 
Couldn't catch her over ten city blocks

Premium Member Enough Already

If I see that dog again, I fear,
with goop exuding from his ear - 
if that ad again shows up,
I swear I will throw up,
but I'll never buy Ear Clear.

15. That is


Y’all should know, how my words flow
And even with no rhyme, it still ain’t a crime
A poem not to have it, to rhyme, that is..
You’ll love ‘em just the same, and tho’ I have no fame
Will leave it all behind, the fame, that is..
Now, someone else step in, ‘cause I gotta give in
The break that I must take, uuuh, this song… makes me wanna shake…




------
from Ondy Not Sleepy vol 1

The Professor

An old Professor of Mathematics,
Strict and immune to his students' antics -
     Taught estimations - crisp and clear
     Misjudged the distance of his chair 
Fell down hard and needed walking sticks!

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