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Poems by Christopher Allen

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Below are poems written by United Kingdom poet Christopher Allen. If you like the poems, please comment on the work of this poet. Remember, Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poems of Christopher Allen.

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Date PostedPoemTitle# ViewsForm  
04/29/2024 all middle-aged men should own leather jackets 10 Free verse
04/28/2024 In Defense of Saxophones in Rock 53 Free verse
04/20/2024 i had to Goggle the spelling 71 Free verse
04/13/2024 i want to play chess on somebody's head 75 Free verse
04/07/2024 The Doctor Said I'm Suffering From 'Bicycle Face' 73 Free verse
04/05/2024 why didn't Austin Butler start singing 'trouble' by Elvis Presley during the fight scene in Dune 137 Free verse
04/04/2024 my son told me he likes Beyonce's new song, 16 cabbages 131 Free verse
04/04/2024 my son was learning to ride his bike with no air in the tyres 94 Free verse
04/02/2024 I Can't Find the Mustard 62 Free verse
03/16/2024 40000 cartloads of horse manure 82 Free verse
03/14/2024 I've started wearing a wig in the car 135 Free verse
02/29/2024 darts on the radio 83 Free verse
02/28/2024 My Nickname in Prison was Psycho Bill 66 Free verse
02/24/2024 my mate Jericho has started writing poetry 83 Free verse
02/17/2024 Gurgling Radiators 98 Free verse
02/09/2024 Most Passengers On This 12-Hour-Flight Are Watching Lethal Weapon 128 Free verse
12/28/2023 My Son Asked Siri to Play Mr Tangerine Man 253 Free verse
12/26/2023 I Wish I Was a Bangladeshi Chef 140 Free verse
12/24/2023 my friend victoria is into my mate saucepan 234 Free verse
12/21/2023 radio phone-in, how are you saving money at xmas - calls cost 3 pounds 50 per minute 261 Free verse
12/19/2023 The Eye Doctor Said I Should Take Up Boxing 288 Free verse
12/08/2023 I Refuse to Teach Macbeth When It's Forty Degrees Outside 233 Free verse
12/02/2023 I Cried Listening to Frank Sinatra's Christmas Album in the Car 234 Free verse
10/06/2023 The Merchant of Venice Has Gone Missing From My Classroom Shelf 156 Free verse
08/21/2023 I've Just Finished Recording An Album of Post-Prison Singles 159 Free verse
08/18/2023 The England Captain Throttled a Koala 119 Free verse
08/10/2023 I Still Dunno What Thunderbird 3 Is For 147 Free verse
08/09/2023 I'm Watching the Jousting at Warwick Castle with a Costa Cappuccino 232 Free verse
08/08/2023 Mum, Do You Know the Postcode For Warwick Castle 180 Free verse
07/31/2023 I Was Playing Thunderbirds With My Kids and Forgot What Thunderbird 3 Was, So Asked the Lifeguard 364 Free verse
07/04/2023 Ai Generated Poetry Is Not Allowed 284 Free verse
06/28/2023 Let's End All Diversity of Opinion and End Debate 420 Free verse
06/17/2023 How Deep Is Your Glove 132 Free verse
05/17/2023 I'M Sitting With My Fingers Above the Typewriter Keys and Saying Out Loud, I'M Listening 509 Free verse
04/28/2023 My Six-Year-Old Son Will Only Brush His Teeth Listening To My Sharona 302 Free verse
04/26/2023 I Met a Psychology Teacher Who Told Me He Was Reading Freud, Shouldn'T He Have Already Read That 434 Free verse
04/24/2023 Now I Have a Driveway and I'Ve Discovered I Can Unlock the Car From Any Room In the House 427 Free verse
04/22/2023 In Defence of Mint Sauce 508 Free verse
04/09/2023 I Didn'T Go Out To Work, He Did 409 Free verse
04/06/2023 During the Job Interview, I Was Worried the Interviewer Hadn'T Heard Fire By Bruce Springsteen 659 Free verse
02/25/2023 I Went To the Zoo With Family, But Wanted To Go Alone 489 Free verse
02/18/2023 I Wanted To Write a Poem Using Heroic Couplets, But I Dunno What They Are 606 Free verse
10/29/2022 Edward Thomas Wrote Over 140 Poems In Two Years and I'M Going To Do the Same 290 Free verse
09/01/2022 I Boiled Two Eggs That Were Already Boiled 484 Free verse
08/29/2022 In My New Office Drawers I Found a Knife and Fork and a Pair of Glasses 540 Free verse
08/25/2022 A Giraffe In a Space Rocket 542 Free verse
08/24/2022 My Dentist Started a Nudist Colony 492 Free verse
08/23/2022 I'M Listening To Beethoven's 9th On Full Blast In the Car On the Way To Work 572 Free verse
08/09/2022 A Teenage Girl Is In Love With My Mate Jericho 621 Free verse
05/29/2022 I'Ve Been Watching That Tv Drama Set In Space With That Bloke With the Helmet 440 Free verse
05/22/2022 My Son Asked To Read That Story With Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail and Pizza 670 Free verse
05/14/2022 If You'Re On a Space Walk With a Helmet On You Can Drown In Your Own Sick 647 Free verse
05/08/2022 A Colleague Recommended I Read Machiavelli's 'The Prince' To Help Me Discipline My Class 386 Free verse
05/03/2022 Please Limit Poems Posted To 10 Per 24hr Period 429 Free verse
04/28/2022 My Five-Year-Old-Son Is Sad He Can'T Run the 100m Under 10 Seconds 597 Free verse
04/26/2022 I Want To Meditate With Roy Orbison 551 Free verse
04/16/2022 We All Croak 625 Free verse
04/10/2022 I Shared a Kurt Vonnegut Lecture With My Chinese Students and They Beamed 697 Free verse
02/19/2022 My Chopsticks Are Talking To Me 392 Free verse
02/10/2022 Whenever I Think About Poetry, I Want To Fall On My Knees and Weep 355 Free verse
02/03/2022 My Mate Jericho Gave Lsd To Zebrafish 310 Free verse
01/30/2022 Which Nostril Do You Breathe Out Of 272 Free verse
01/28/2022 Encourage a Poet By Being the First To Comment 330 Free verse
01/25/2022 I Was Livid the Day They Offered Me the Nobel Prize 315 Free verse
01/08/2022 There's a Poet Online With the Same Name As Me 358 Free verse
12/27/2021 I'M Doing An Online Mental Age Test and So Select the Tab, 'I Reject All Birthday Parties' 587 Free verse
12/25/2021 Shakespeare Interviewed On Jimmy Fallon 298 Free verse
12/13/2021 One Hand On the Steering Wheel, the Other Waving At the Moon 417 Free verse
12/11/2021 My Son Wants To Talk About Tooth Decay 664 Free verse
10/04/2021 Farming Is a Mistake, Like Tik Tok 315 Free verse
10/02/2021 After Teaching Romanticism I Want To Join the Circus 714 Free verse
09/06/2021 My Four Year Old Son Is Sad He Can'T Do the Pole Vault 510 Free verse
09/02/2021 Teaching Poetry Makes Me Feel Weak 296 Free verse
08/25/2021 Air Conditioning Is Evil 368 Free verse
07/25/2021 My Wife Is Mad 357 Free verse
07/21/2021 Bob Dylan's Songs Come From a Pipe 343 Free verse
07/12/2021 She Washes Her Hair With Beer, Vinegar and Egg 390 Free verse
07/07/2021 You Can'T Smother a Person With a Pillow 335 Free verse
07/05/2021 Mr T Interviewed On Letterman 511 Free verse
06/29/2021 Hide and Seek In the Office 364 Free verse
06/20/2021 They Found the Body This Morning 328 Free verse
06/14/2021 Great Dumbledore Quotes 267 Free verse
05/25/2021 If You Had To Have One Queen Song Played At Your Funeral, Which Would You Choose 294 Free verse
04/25/2021 I Am Sleeping With a Bucket 346 Free verse
04/05/2021 Only Female Mosquitoes Bite, the Male Ones Just Say Hello 398 Free verse
03/18/2021 Watching Wrestlemania With a Baptist 482 Free verse
03/08/2021 Conducting An Imaginary Orchestra In the Passenger Seat 603 Free verse
03/07/2021 There's a Bloke In This Museum Dressed As a Cannonball 380 Free verse
02/28/2021 Give Me Back the Ozone Layer 492 Free verse
02/19/2021 46 Per Cent of Japan's Population Hide When Someone Rings the Doorbell 363 Free verse
02/08/2021 There's a Bloke In This Cafe Slapping His Face 432 Free verse
02/03/2021 Mum Loves War 443 Free verse
02/02/2021 Beach Ball In a Suitcase 479 Free verse
02/01/2021 Gimme Gimme Gimme Fried Chicken 452 Free verse
01/31/2021 The French Don'T Give A 526 Free verse
01/28/2021 There's a Bloke In This Cafe Wearing a Cape 435 Free verse
01/26/2021 Pretending To Be On the Phone 603 Free verse
01/25/2021 The Cloud Appreciation Society 483 Free verse
01/24/2021 There's a Bloke In This Cafe Wearing Heart-Shaped Spectacles 431 Free verse

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I REJECT ALL BIRTHDAY PARTIES

In Christopher Allen's second collection of poetry, he ponders on which nostril is best to exhale out of and the idea of joining the circus. Should we give LSD to zebrafish? There are references to the greats, such as WH Auden, Mr. T and David Letterman's beard. It is worth taking the journey if you have the time and can be bothered.

Buy on Amazon 

there's a bloke in this cafe slapping his face
he's been there doing that for
about twenty minutes...


Christopher Allen's first collection of poetry focuses on fatherhood, odd people in cafes and parallel parking. You'll also find references to certain aspects of life such as love, death, Wrestlemania and Alfred the Butler. It is a journey one should at least try.

Amazon.com: there's a bloke in this cafe slapping his face: a collection of poems eBook: Allen, Christopher : Kindle Store


Book: Shattered Sighs