When Vincent stumbled home that night through a drizzle of rain ~
what was going on inside that teeming, torturous brain?
Did he blaspheme heaven with every profanity and curse?
Or did he gaze in awe at the stars of his exploding universe,
and try to make of their blue and yellow light a poultice for his pain?
Sadness over taking me
Bubbling pit of overwhelming grief
I am tired of living in these yesterday’s
Drowning in all this pain
The “Why am I here and they are gone?”When I was the one told “you won’t be here for long.”
The disaster of it plays over in my head.
Guilt ridden soul that’s will never be fed
What have I done to deserve such a fate?
I have fallen out of gods good grace
These days kinda disappear into the next
Numbing the pain is what I do best
Because I can’t lift this burden off my chest
I am exhaustion and broken
Barely a soul
definition of a zombie
Who lacks self-control
A Silent suicide
That nobody sees
Because all they are seeing
Is the junkie I came to be
~Written 8/07/07 JAZ~
Were so bi-polar it makes it hard to co-exist
the way it feels when we kiss, your hard to resist
until you get pissed and decide to raise your fist
but i dont flinch, im too used to this ****
ill say "go ahead hit me again,
gimme a reason to swim
in a sea full of vicodin
all i need is an excuse, to cut myself open
to grab some cash, buy,crush,& smoke this dope"and
youll say "girl stop trippin, u cant even be mad
its your fault for loving something that hurts you so bad"
in the midst of our love theres and abundance of doubt
when you make me cry you tell me not to pout
and when i ask do you even care how i feel you say thats not what this is about
but when your really feeling guilty youll buy an ounce and smoke me out
and when i black out, your the only one who can fill in the gaps
i can quit any drug but your the only thing that makes me relapse
and as i lay in the middle of this floor in heavy sedation
i cant help but to think this relationship is self mutilation...
I'm gonna draw a picture
A picture with a twist
I'll draw it with a razor blade
I'll draw it on my wrist
As I draw this picture
A fountain will appear
And as that fountain flows
My troubles disappear
The dagger of your words cut across my skin
Like a knife.
Swift as an eagle
The pain sears through my body…
I lust for it
A cooling sensation engulfs me
Wrapping me in temporary bliss.
The scars afterward or not a hindrance,
Simply decoration.
Tears fall
Slowly I drift down from my cloud
Of wonderful pain.
Now I feel nothing
But numbness
And utterly alone.
Still I hear your voice
That refuses to be shaken…
Pick up the pieces of yourself.
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