The thundering pain
The fills my bones
Skin stretched right
A razor blade
Drags out
Never digs in
Can never quite reach
The itch within
great pleasure in self-torment;
the more painful, the better.
Addicted to discomfort,
feeding it with glee!
Date written: 06/17/2021
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Raging, inviting. Inscrutable ice
King Neptune's daughter, her moods are water
You won't dive into the same ocean twice
She'll make you think it's your net that has caught her
Catch and release is her patent device
Wives tales have brought her whales to the slaughter
You'll receive notice of your sacrifice
on paper she folds into boats at high tide
Each kiss that she blows grows to gale at shoreline
She weighs on the scale that you chose to define
She's the grate of the sand. She's the dock. She's the bank
She will wait on dry land and watch you walk the plank
In their wake, sharks leave trails with their fins in the brine
but the trident that pins you makes marks you can't find
and impaled, you give in to each heartbreaking tine
yet forget every time that you sank
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I do not know what came over me
To find myself back in this hole
To change my views so suddenly
Craving the feeling to fall
I do not know why I'm so attracted
To the things that destroy me inside
To the feeling of being lost and hopeless
Like I don't want to fight to stay alive
I do not know why I'm so addicted
To the pain from my self hatred hex
To the feeling of anxiety pooling in my stomach
The drowning feels better than sex
I do not know why I'm on my knees begging
Crying for mercy or release
When the moment I'm set free, I'm wilting
Longing for being deceased
The darkness has been buried inside me
And though the light can easily come in
I feel like maybe I do not wish to
Ever be alive again
I do not know if this is a cry for help
Or myself making peace with my hell
Though I'm saying I love being tortured
I'm saying I wish I never fell
So I'm sitting in the depths of despair
Satisfied if I'm being quite honest
Enjoying the pain inflicted on me
Like a masochist in the dark green forest
I see her in her pure white dress
She is attractive but far from virgin allure
She’s like a paper doll delicate and quick to burn
Quick to drown under the dark cloud’s waters
A witch child among all her sins
She hexes me until I feel disturbed and dismantled
Haunting me, calling me, I don’t want to get away
Going insane let me feel the pain I will not plead
I undress her, I can feel her soul is dead
Her body is raw and numb
Her body begins to curl from cunnilingus
My blood flows down her face, she does care
My blood flows down her arms, she doesn’t care
Underneath the demonisms I think I see a slither of a soul
Not so far from all that is from unearth
She wrecks my dismembering dreams
My heart begins to bleed for her
Starting solemn times
Stain my mind, pleasing my sick thoughts in my head
Undress her sickened mind
A masochist
addicted to the pain
of emotional confusion
and feeling insane
and trying so hard
to get you out of my brain
I open up and I revert.
Point to the song and show where it hurts;
They say it’s wrong to want the worst
News first.
I held on too long to the urge.
I saw her across the room, and she turned:
“I’ll take you home but I'll take you down first.”
I had her beat me beyond any words.
I am standing inside the body I burned,
Wondering when I’ll learn.
Thinking,
“The damage can make it work.”
I look for you in everything I love
In everyone I touch.
With empty wounds that never add up.
And surrender myself.
When you burn it’s hard to tell;
She only wanted me when there was no one else.
===========================
Love without hope must be my calling.
Calling, just hoping to hear it ring.
Ring in hand, near your feet I'm crawling,
crawling with loathing and loving it's sting.
===========================
She follows in her mother’s footsteps; it’s all she’s ever known
Mentally and physically, her mother seems to show
That Man has power over her, and thus she will not go
And so the little girl has learned all there is to know
That pain from men is something that is sure to make her grow
And so she bows before him like a king upon a throne
All the makeup in the world won’t hide the hurt within
She carries on, cooking, cleaning, and slaving just for him
But all her righteous doings are looked upon as nil
He’ll have her do so much more until he's had his fill
Her fear begins to plague her mind when setting off to bed
That should she leave without any means, she might as well be dead
For loneliness is something that will always make her stay
It does not matter what she does or who she will betray
This is the life she has chosen for herself today
And no one can tell her otherwise, her mistakes must be made
But down the road a path will clear and then she’ll she the light
And that will make her wings grow big and carry her in flight
Still i rise
they planted me in acid
death is inferior, i remain Placid
attacking my flesh and bone, I am not shaken I am passive
they never stop, they remain avid
Still i rise
they stoned my character
sue my hopes, I am tormented by their barrister
exploited like I was Africa
Still i rise
No pain shall ever be shown through my eyes
A masochist defies
Expunged upon each breath,
freezing accusations
sealed your lips,
and like a snare, retribution
closed its choking grip.
I had seen the flush of blush
upon each cheek,
when casual touch
lingered just a little too much,
for what is flirtation
but prelude to conquest,
with me a discarded after-thought.
Excuses like autumn leaves,
twisted in my maelstrom,
they were nothing
but a future medium
for growing better lies,
and I gather shining images,
spliced together with fantasy,
projecting this movie
onto the blankness of my fears.
Coincidence brings coffee to a table,
over-sweetened with honey words
and schoolgirl-like smiles,
this innocent rendezvous
that taints my blue sky,
is nothing but a grey cloud
of twisted imagination,
and self-flagellation.
Staring from afar at her silent agony
She mouths out words of pain. He cannot set her free
The handcuffs pull relentless at her pale and fragile wrist
Though her own heart holds her prisoner, her face had beauty kissed
Sun spilled from Olympus, begged its' child to break her chains
And two colossal pewter eyes refused to dry the rain .
To shoulder twice her burden, be her oxygen would he;
one thousand lifetimes over, just to hear her screaming free
His tortured flower, five feet tall and forty feet away.
Took all his heart to swallow that today was not the day.
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