Humor... Poems | Examples

List of Member Poems

Premium Member MONOKU-KU

When we judge the past do we condemn the future to the past


Some fight to retain what they have, others to gain what they don’t


If there is only “one” God why can’t we agree on it?


My grandson learned to snap his fingers, he’ll be running for office soon.


If all the dominos would just stay put all would be well.


Insider trading…”I’ll give you three cigarettes for the candy bar”.

The Barbarism of EVOO

Extravirolioli lols at zalad,
Tossified in tinypheres of cheezylutres;
Courtn'd with padte 'o avoclan'd,
Drizz'd with sauceaven o' culture!

Such is the state of vegemind,
O' RachelRay'd EVOO grind.

—By Scott the Hamm

summer gone

The heat has gone the sun slowed down 

And its rays went out of town, 

It just left us in the cold 

In our shivers growing mould, 

Need replacement for the heat 

Back again that feeling sweet, 

To feel the heat right on the cheek 

So much good for the physique, 

A replacement I must find 

One that’s sweet a one that’s kind, 

Perhaps an image does the trick 

And watch your wares with every click, 

That would surely warm my heart 

As it was right from the start, 

Cause when I first laid eyes on you 

Felt all the veins burning right through.


Premium Member One Down, Seven Ivy League Universities to Go


    Applying to Harvard, Delphi Sa'id
    To this question, didn't know how to plead

        What's a 'panty raid,' they asked
        Delphi, an answer he lacked

    He stumbled, bumbled, said ~ "Sure. I smoke weed"

Premium Member Swiss-Cheese Education

        
          Education, I say, is
             Two Swiss-cheese gloves

          Slide one over the other
             Are all the holes covered?

Premium Member Longevity Of Love

I really only know
the surface of seasons:

the green and bloom,

colorful brittle,

and blanket death -- 

While science 
informs me, of
soil fitness, to nourish
beneath and trim above -- 
I am yet not 
entirely convinced
as to the longevity 
of love? Should I believe
more the prophets and
priests or the lawyers and
judges?  She was no help.


Premium Member My Love

If my lips could sip on yours
With tender little nibbles
Oh how full my heart would be
With a soft-serve cone.

Premium Member Ah Hell No!!!


Music clears the cluttered mind,
Soothes the soul to dance in time.
The rhythm runs to something good,
Forward, back, till understood.

Up on my feet, I make a move,
Left foot over right follows suit.
Hips sway like melody is on its way,
A dance of my own design on display.

Not quite Broadway, our dance hall proved,
My buddies walk up, traumatized by the moves!
Laughing and poking, I turn in surprise,
And see all the humor light up in their eyes.

"Ah hell no, man!" they shout from behind,
"Moves like that are just burned into our minds!
We are only mortal men, not gods of swing,
But damn, you are no good at this thing!"

I smile and I blush, but I feel like I should,
Just moving my feet in the way that I could. 
Ribbing and laughing, man, what a day,
I got caught dancin' my shift away.

Premium Member A Poet's Apophenia

Camel toe and moose knuckle
Are found below the buckle
I don't want a ruckus or fracas
Caused by my language
But this is good for a chuckle

Premium Member abandon polite fiction

I’m not emotionally evasive.
Don’t admire me from a distance.

Let's not waste time pretending. 
Skip the decorative speech of poetry.

What we’re about isn’t moonlight and flowers,
it’s that common-coin of light comedy—sex.

If intimacy is a sequence of permissions,
take what I have—I want you close.

Let’s abandon polite fiction,
get with the friction,
and form a pleasurable, pleasure dependence
.
.
A song for this:
Get Me by Everything But the Girl

Premium Member Gardening at Night.

Out very late,gardening in the dark.
When my head torch failed.
I completly lost the plot.

Premium Member Prince Harry's Barber Takes a LIttle off the Top

     Prince Harry had a barber, name of Ross
     Prince wouldn't pay what a good haircut cost
         So Ross chopped off his head
         Left Prince Harry for dead
     Epitaph read: England's gain ~ Meghan's loss

Premium Member The Bakery of Cheaters

Oh my, a cheaters dream
pastries unlimited
seating by reservation
only poets need apply
silent on humanity
but full of donut bits 
for themselves
the bottom grows
the top, rots
they don't wear shoes
they wear
clik flops

COFFEE, DONALD?

AMERICAN NEED

MORE NASTY WOMEN, INDEED

CAITLIN CUP DOES READ

Premium Member Pee Wee Not So Much

Pee Wee small gray tabby cat
his mom was a great hunter at that
Stealth and unseen
silent and keen
at catching doves a killing machine.
Pee Wee not so much
he does not have his mothers touch
Across the street Pee Wee lives
but my front yard the young cat digs
For doves by the dozen feed
hunger for their flesh Pee Wee be
did the apple fall far from the tree
with doves a plenty Pee Wee sees
he bolts charging across the street
Doves wing high he jumps at their feet
in the trees or up in the sky
Pee Wee rushes up a tree to try
but the doves take flight away away
Pee Wee up high alone he stays
Meowing softly afraid to climb down
in the tree top Pee Wee sticks around
A dove or two feed on the ground
as Pee Wee stuck hanging around.

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