On this day we often think,
Why we were taken to life’s brink,
Unable to say our final goodbye,
Our souls ache, as we question why.
Though in memories we find solace and peace,
The gaps that remain will never cease.
Though we couldn’t see you in action one last time,
Your being lingers on – ever so sublime!
The presence of your absence - it oft cuts deep,
Your quirky ways, into our lives does creep -
So very often, and in every place,
Our trend of thought - such memories displace!
Cherishing in our dreams where time dissolves,
Your presence, and spirit forever evolves.
And as we travel around and journey afar,
Every word unspoken becomes a shooting star!
In the canvas of memories colours blend –
A symphony of emotions without an end,
In the depths of the unknown we find true solace –
A bond unbreakable, etched in God’s abiding grace.
Copyright © 2022 by Crystal David John
11.12.2022
wrote this poem after losing my husband suddenly in 2019
247.
Prayer When Depressed
Oh Father God, I am depressed
My troubles have compressed
Upon me there's no rest
Oh Jesus Christ, I am depressed
My eyes are full of tears
I'm full of sadness & fears
Oh Holy Spirit, I am depressed
My burdens are so heavy
Come now and comfort me!
-01/21/2014
(Dumarao)
*My Prayer Poems Collection
fragile
two did not last
but hold a same shared past
quite mind heavy and heart messy
frazzled
empty
uses one plate
washed with one dirty glass
after meals where nothing is passed
erased
scrambled
all is quiet
holds conversations with
self as spoken aloud each day
scopeless
depressed
just one decides
what to keep or closet
with recalls viewed raw or perfect
darksome
listless
one lone pillow
for sleep and times to weep
when reaching out to find no one
lonely
Depressive thoughts are all consuming
The blackness of my heart is blooming
Sadness seeps through every pore
The daily tasks a grinding chore
Damning thoughts invade my conscience
Making truths of utter nonsense
Run away and keep on running
The thoughts inside my head are thrumming
But here I'll stay and here I'll die
Before you ever see me cry
A tender ache
hermits my soul—
so far from what I thought
the world would be
when I was
a wide-eyed girl of three.
Now, forty-four,
reality seeps in.
The dream I conjured
was far kinder
than the life
I’m now gowned in.
My body—
a sponge of pain—
soaked in old trauma,
dripping regret,
sinking in secret.
Sit beside me
and tell me it’s true—
that dreams born
will still unfold,
that love is real,
that kindness lingers.
So tell me—
somewhere beneath the grip,
does a softer haven hold?
Does the child I once was
still have a place
to rest her head—
to lay down all she’s carried,
and be held
by the world
in its cradled hands?
Life Without You
Life without you
in cold desert sand,
I walk without shadow,
the sun too tired to care.
Alone in the place I used to know,
walls whisper your name in cracks and corners,
but you never answer.
Silence moved in where your voice used to be.
The rooms are getting smaller,
the windows won’t open,
time has folded in on itself
only the ache expands.
I no longer feel the seasons.
Spring forgot me.
Summer lost its colour.
And autumn,
autumn just watches me unravel.
Winter stays forever.
It crept into my chest and made a home,
built a bed beside my ribs,
and now it breathes with me
slow, cold, constant.
Even dreams have turned grey.
Even my tears freeze midfall.
I speak to the air
as if you might reply.
You don’t.
Because only on my mind you exist
When all I want to do is cry?
Even while immersed in this high.
When all I want is to die
With little to no reasons as to why.
When all I want is to lie,
Say "I'm okay," so they won't pry.
When all I want to do is sigh
As I am aware her end is near nigh.
When all I want is to fly,
But there is no way I can ever try.
When all I want is to pry
The lock open, even as things go awry.
When all I want is to just cry
For as long as before she will die.
When all I want is to retry
My life, to resolve issues as to why:
Depression,
It’s a silent killer.
It’s like being stabbed in the back,
But it’s Invisible.
The pain is sharp, sure,
And your screaming at the top of your lungs,
However to everyone else it's as if you lost your voice
You're powerless.
And so you just sit there;
You feel paralyzed,
While the world keeps moving, and moving, and moving, and moving,
And you're just stuck.
That's depression to me.
They say it’ll pass
it’ll get better the longer it lasts
They say what’s done is done
but i don’t feel like i’ve won
You took my heart
tore it, broke it, till it fell apart
Now you play the victim
the hole you created, i sit in
I don’t want to become
the monster i’ve come from
Obsessed with yourself, with fame, with money
then you sit and describe her like sweet honey
You say it was harmless
a friendship, nothing more, but now I’m the farthest
You lied with a smile, called in love with a grin
while I drowned in silence, you let her in
In my silence, I find space to breathe
while all you do is leave, leave, leave
She pulls the strings
and I watch horror as the show begins
She has you at her beck and call
and you forget me as I suffer in school
You left me stranded, no reason, no clue
while she became your favourite view
You watched me break, still walked away
now I drown slowly, in the pain that you gave me
Some day you will pay
I am the ghost inside my chest,
Unseen, unheard, yet never at rest.
I drift through halls of memory,
Where joy once lived but fled from me.
My breath like frost, my blood runs cold,
A whisper trapped in hands grown old.
I wear regret like funeral lace,
And see the world through sorrow’s face.
The mirror knows what I conceal—
A heart too numb, a pain too real.
Each beat, a knock from deep within,
A past that scratches at my skin.
I haunt my name, I haunt my days,
A soul lost in time’s cruel haze.
They think I smile, but cannot see
The grave I built inside of me.
But still I ache, though silence wins,
To feel the sun beneath my sins.
For ghosts can hope—though dim, suppressed—
To one day find peace at last.
Dried-up,
___a stream___
in the moor, no-man’s land.
When a soul dares near—
a gunshot blooms
/ Red /
the barren soil
will feast on
anything.
You said amid this desert stands
—an oasis—
A land of innocence, but where you crown sins.
(Greedy, yes,
but that’s all humanity ever is.)
I begged you to point me to the shrine
yet I am left stumbling,
...blind...
Before what was left
of the roads once promised direction—
I drop
to my knees,
cracked soil tears my skin.
In no-man’s land—
there are no breaths ahead.
When the world hates you
It's such a lonely place
Crawling out of bed each day
Forgotten in each and every way
Grasping at straws to build nest
Every minute is a torturing test
Blow away by unkindness
Held together buy a fine web
Of sorrow and unhappiness
Each word thrown your way
Cut like a knife through softened clay
Leaving a scar and empty space
Not winning at life's pointless race
Burdened by life's past actions
Push till they get their reaction
Life is a lonely road
Where you must walked alone
Indeed I need a angel
Or a new end to my fable
Last year I grew up to late
To now realize my fate
Of a life not to be enjoyed
But to be endurable enough
To make getting up tomorrow
Seem like a plan living on time borrowed
To hate is to love and to love is to hate
Will I ever be happy with my fate
I was a girl with no life
Or a being with no purpose.
I had no one compassionate,
Although my soul was always nervous.
The life I barely built in those years,
Came crashing down to a point..my eyes were in tears.
There was nothing I could do, powerless to intervene,
Even God didn't care when I let out a scream.
I tried hard to build of my life something new,
But hatred is all I got.. Why? I had no clue.
I felt like a beast trapped in metal chains,
Waiting to be free from the heart to the veins.
A heart waiting to be nurtured and cared,
Only to be thrown into the merciless fire that flared.
The eyes that were filled with joy at a time,
Now brimmed with tears that weren't worthy a dime.
I run my hand across my wrist,
The rough scars feel normal under my fingers,
But to anyone else, they would be foreign.
I was a fighter, I had to be,
But everything has its consequences.
Running the blade across my own wrist was mine,
It was the only way for me to feel something.
Since I was small I was forced to be strong,
But a child should not need to be strong.
I wasn’t even 14 and I had to fend for myself,
I had to pick up my broken pieces.
The scars on my body tell that story,
They are reminders of my pain.
I run my hand across my wrist,
The rough scars remind me that I will survive,
I did before, and I will now.
you asked me how to walk with scissors
I said my dear,
that's so bizarre
that's like asking how to get to Georgia
without using planes or cars,
a better man
than myself
would've told you
darling
if you wanted to learn how to walk with scissors
you're better off crawling
you hold them by the blade my love
just like you did to me
you tell me that you love me babe
but I cant stand to watch you leave
I'll watch you walk out that house
I cant tell fact from myth
I begged you just to stay a while
then you walked out,
with the scissors you stabbed me with
now I told you how to walk with scissors,
how could you do that to me?
now I know to hold on tight
because the scissors belong to me
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