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Colonoscopy Poems - Poems about Colonoscopy

Colonoscopy

The concept is crazy.  It's entirely insane. 
Thanks for suggesting, but I will abstain.  
No way, I'll never do that.  

I'll drink rusty water from a wagon left in the rain,
mixed with boiled fat and a tank of propane,
but I'll never do that...again.

Categories: colonoscopy, humor,
Form: Rhyme

Colonoscopy

I have a special interest in telling about my colonoscopy.
The doc cheerful, secure in his specialty, colon cancer being
the second leading cause of cancer death after lung tumors.
They can snip the precancerous polyps right out of you during the test.
At first the doc gave me the statistics but having paid 25 bucks for this

Categories: colonoscopy, cancer, death, future, nature,
Form: Free verse

Ace colonoscopy doctor Kellen Karl Kovalovich

Ace colonoscopy doctor Kellen Karl Kovalovich

revisited January 23rd, 2024
on the evening before yours truly
(the one and only Matthew Scott Harris),
a stand up comic wannabe, who
historically heartily hales 
from Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
undergoes oh joy rapture colonoscopy.

Three days before that first appointment 
with estimable gastroenterologist
Doctor Kellen Karl Kovalovich
regarding upcoming procedure
scheduled for August 17th, 2022),
unfortunately yielded inconclusive results
meaning the

Categories: colonoscopy, angel, anxiety, appreciation, birthday,
Form: Free verse

Book: Radiant Verses: A Journey Through Inspiring Poetry

Colonoscopy

Colonoscopy


Colonoscopy,
strikes dread. It’s not too bad - when
Colon trouble free.

Jules Verne-like travel,
up your ****, spelunking through
strange, pink-ridged caverns.

Hunting for the snark,
or boojum, or polyp, who
feasts, darkly, in there.

Snipety-snap - jaws,
polyp-snatch; dragging from view,
miscreant tissue.

Pathology dock -
destined. Tried in the morning,
suspected malign.

Tried.. judged innocent.
Callooh! callay! It vanished
softly — my boojum.

Categories: colonoscopy, endurance, farewell, humanity, humorous,
Form: Free verse

Ace Colonoscopy Doctors Kellen Karl Kovalovich and Larry Borowsky

Ace colonoscopy doctors Kellen Karl Kovalovich
and Larry Borowsky

Though necessary to down: 
four Dulcolax laxative tablets, 
quaff half 238 gram bottle of Miralax 
over span of eight hours, 
and if necessary even one Fleets Enema, 
I grudgingly accept short lived 
lower abdominal discomfort 
analogous to reasonable and tolerable 
assault upon me derriere 
considerably less severe than

Categories: colonoscopy, adventure, age, anxiety, appreciation,
Form: Free verse

My Colonoscopy

I passed a colonoscopy
that gas was asked to free
When all about my head went dead
and smell was left to be

That all my senses cried for help
embarrassed for the cause
That every doctor bared the sound
of what was near applause

So off I went to seek my fame
and show I wasn't sick
And let them probe my butt for

Categories: colonoscopy, appreciation, caregiving, grief, health,
Form: Quatrain

Online Colonoscopy

It's time to
Test the new
The latest in
Technology

No more need
To drink over a
Gallon of foul
Liquid or any

Sorts of pills
To sort through
In fact it's 
Almost

Like a drive thru
Butt in your own
Home butt it's
A bit more

Complicated with
Software butt
What's worse
Is the hard

Drive

Categories: colonoscopy, america, baptism, birth, christian,
Form: Cowboy Poetry

A Colonoscopy Sounds Like Fun

Tiger me growls, kicking the dog on the floor.
She yelps, giving me the “I love you no matter what” eyes.
That makes Tiger me mad, so she wakes up Trixie.
They start wrestling around, growling and biting.

Trixie is scratching her eyes out. I get to work and get sent home.
It was not a dream. I have pink

Categories: colonoscopy, age,
Form: Free verse

My Colonoscopy

Not sure if this would be consider taboo
To even mention the view
Did I just hear her say the word touche 
When the doctor proceeded to do what she had to do

With stage crew and camara in hand
Filming what little dignity I have left
Are the tapes rolling, I may need consoling 
When this crazy trip finds

Categories: colonoscopy, funny, humor,
Form: Free verse

Colonoscopy

I went to the hospital and they said they were going to shove a camera up my ass.
I told them that I didn't want that to happen, I told them that I was going to pass.
But they said it was too late because I'd already signed the papers that allowed them to treat me.
But I

Categories: colonoscopy, funny, humor, humorous,
Form: Rhyme

An Unusual Colonoscopy

I stepped in for my first colonoscopy. I was nervous everyone could see
I had a choice to be awake or put out if I was skittish...but no not me

I chose the former so I could watch my own ass on TV
They go right up your canal with a camera like an RV

Imagine my surprise when

Categories: colonoscopy, humor, humorous,
Form: Couplet

I Bet You'D Rather Have a Colonoscopy

These are my people
they're not yours
or are they?

You don't want them to be
can see that
clearly...

So how come you come around?

How come your attraction is mixed with such
reticence?

Yeah, I get it that you never thought about it. And you
don't have to forever but here we are doing
this and I gotta feelin'

You wanna know what it means.

Categories: colonoscopy, health,
Form: Light Verse

Colonoscopy

After 50 -  states a well known belief
Your colon can cause you some grief.
        To get it checked is the answer
        In case there’s a cancer
With a procedure which can give you relief.

A colonoscopy needs to be done
Granted it isn’t

Categories: colonoscopy, healthhope,
Form: Limerick