The concept is crazy. It's entirely insane.
Thanks for suggesting, but I will abstain.
No way, I'll never do that.
I'll drink rusty water from a wagon left in the rain,
mixed with boiled fat and a tank of propane,
but I'll never do that...again.
Colonoscopy
Colonoscopy,
strikes dread. It’s not too bad - when
Colon trouble free.
Jules Verne-like travel,
up your ****, spelunking through
strange, pink-ridged caverns.
Hunting for the snark,
or boojum, or polyp, who
feasts, darkly, in there.
Snipety-snap - jaws,
polyp-snatch; dragging from view,
miscreant tissue.
Pathology dock -
destined. Tried in the morning,
suspected malign.
Tried.. judged innocent.
Callooh! callay! It vanished
softly — my boojum.
I passed a colonoscopy
that gas was asked to free
When all about my head went dead
and smell was left to be
That all my senses cried for help
embarrassed for the cause
That every doctor bared the sound
of what was near applause
So off I went to seek my fame
and show I wasn't sick
And let them probe my butt for long
that humble came quite quick
So as the screen would show my way
the camera went as far
My offer to the doctor's cause
not near from a cigar
When every lesson ever learned
came back to say I'm fine
When every cure for what I had
was picture perfect wine
So all the time I asked for help
it wasn't just a line-
But wanting more than circumstance
to help my case divine
And all the doctor's did as much
for service I'm too proud
Despite the lessons learned that day
that volume came too loud
It's time to
Test the new
The latest in
Technology
No more need
To drink over a
Gallon of foul
Liquid or any
Sorts of pills
To sort through
In fact it's
Almost
Like a drive thru
Butt in your own
Home butt it's
A bit more
Complicated with
Software butt
What's worse
Is the hard
Drive
Tiger me growls, kicking the dog on the floor.
She yelps, giving me the “I love you no matter what” eyes.
That makes Tiger me mad, so she wakes up Trixie.
They start wrestling around, growling and biting.
Trixie is scratching her eyes out. I get to work and get sent home.
It was not a dream. I have pink eye.
I guess all that crusty stuff I did not see in the mirror meant something.
I do not look into mirrors any more.
Or closets.
There are probably raccoons in there
And as much fun as it is thinking of them trying on my clothes,
What if they are also defecating in there? Who is going to clean that?
My day is beginning with a bang.
A colonoscopy? Sure. Sounds like fun.
How about next Tuesday?
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Not sure if this would be consider taboo
To even mention the view
Did I just hear her say the word touche
When the doctor proceeded to do what she had to do
With stage crew and camara in hand
Filming what little dignity I have left
Are the tapes rolling, I may need consoling
When this crazy trip finds somewhere to land
Do I even need to mention the day before
Pills and laxatives by the score
To clean out my innards must be least 10 pounds thinner
Need I say anything anymore
Back to the uncomfortable crowd
You can hear a pin drop at the sound
For them it's routine, for me a dastardly deed
Could someone please send in the clowns
Adding a touch of savoir faire
Excuse me, is there enough room in there
If things get a bit tight make sure the pliers are sanitize
Anyone up for a game of truth or dare
Doesn't get anymore personal than this
Best friends now without even a kiss
Operation at 7 film at 11
To be viewed YouTube via Internet
#sayitisntso #didhejustgothere #doyouhavenodignity
Just had my Colonoscopy this morning...nothing like a good follow up poem!
I went to the hospital and they said they were going to shove a camera up my ass.
I told them that I didn't want that to happen, I told them that I was going to pass.
But they said it was too late because I'd already signed the papers that allowed them to treat me.
But I didn't want a camera up my ass, I would've rather that they used baseball bats to beat me.
They shoved the camera up my ass and it went in deep.
It really hurt because the idiots forgot to put me to sleep.
I cussed those assholes out and they said that they didn't like my attitude.
But they disliked it even more when they had to pay me two million bucks after I sued.
(This poem is only half fictional. I really did have a Colonoscopy in 2010 and I'm having to have another one next week.)
These are my people
they're not yours
or are they?
You don't want them to be
can see that
clearly...
So how come you come around?
How come your attraction is mixed with such
reticence?
Yeah, I get it that you never thought about it. And you
don't have to forever but here we are doing
this and I gotta feelin'
You wanna know what it means.
After 50 - states a well known belief
Your colon can cause you some grief.
To get it checked is the answer
In case there’s a cancer
With a procedure which can give you relief.
A colonoscopy needs to be done
Granted it isn’t much fun
You hope no polyps they find
if they do - hope they’re benign
If they are, then be happy - you’ve won.
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