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9/23/2013 2:27:53 PM
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What really gets on my nerves...
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Your opinion is welcomed and appreciated, Robin 
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9/23/2013 2:59:03 PM
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Poe makes an impact wherever he goes!
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So I have this huge, beautiful, hard-cover book of Poe's collected work (over 1,000 pages!), all black and gold with gold-tinted pages, and I took it with me to the doctor's office this morning. I always take a book with me for a dr.'s appointment, but never have I ever had such a reaction as I had today, toting that big book with me. At first, people thought I was reading the Bible, but when they saw Poe's name on the cover, I had all sorts of people talking to me, and mind you, I'm not a big "talker" (introvert that I am!). First thing this lady said to me was, "I always see people reading at the doctor's office, but I've never seen anyone reading Poe. You must be very smart!". I couldn't help but to smile; that made me feel good. And I had my glasses on so I guess I looked a little "intellectual". So I had people in the lobby talking with me about Poe, then when I saw my doc, I had yet another interesting conversation with him about the book. Then, while I waited for my scripts to be filled, another gentleman approached me, and wanted to discuss "The Raven". Poe's very name alone sparks intrigue and interest, and I have never been so popular in one morning as I have been this morning, all because of good ol' Edgar Allan. Suffice it to say that I had a more interesting morning than I had ever imagined 
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9/25/2013 11:46:35 AM
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A Blue Boy's Death Wish
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Did you change your nom de plume? I really liked your "Words_Are_Weapons alias
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9/25/2013 11:48:30 AM
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Friendly Morning Hello
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Hope you have a wonderful day as well, Robin! Welcome to the fold; we are all happy to have you here with us. Take care! 
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9/25/2013 5:19:08 PM
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Friendly Morning Hello
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I wonder why it uses my username in replies instead of my nom de plume here? This is JustThatArchaicPoet speaking lol
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9/25/2013 9:10:29 PM
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Friendly Morning Hello
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Congrats! 
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9/28/2013 2:34:59 PM
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What really gets on my nerves...
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Hi, Janice. Thanks for joining the discussion, but I was a little confused by your reply and found it difficult to extrapolate exactly what you were conveying; that is if you agreed or disagreed with my premise of it being bad form not to say "thank you" to people who leave feedback on posted poetry? Sorry, I can be a little daft at times. Just wondering if you'd clarify
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9/28/2013 2:47:26 PM
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Rehab With A Twist!
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While I understand that it is a parody, I have to say I didn't respond favorably to this piece. It feels like an ill-conceived "Weird Al" Yankovic song as opposed to actual "poetry". You have some humorous bits here and there, but overall, the verses are predictable and pedestrian and to be expected, but maybe that was what you were aiming for; I don't really know. Instead of making it unexpected, it's just too similar to the original song in some ways, which didn't make this piece your own, if that makes any sense. Others may go crazy for this one and love it, but I'm sorry to say this "poem" just didn't hit the mark for me. Sorry; just being honest. No hurtfulness intended.
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9/30/2013 10:04:36 AM
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The Sacred Band
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I think what you have here is the beginnings of a really good piece. The main problem I had was with the way you formatted this poem; for me it was hard to follow and clearly grasp the rhymes because of the structure. Also, I think your rhyme scheme needs some work in order for the work to flow better. Because of the unevenness of the beat and rhythm, it wasn't aesthetically pleasing to my ear. I think your imagery and emotion are strong, though; that is a definite plus. If I may be so bold, here is how I think the poem may be improved:
To those wearied Warriors of white and orange flame-
Here is a tale to which you should listen
A Band of Sacred Men, whose Honor remains
Upon the ground where their blood was christened
One hundred and fifty pairs they were; lovers and their beloved
Their bond closely forged in both cold iron and steel
When one would fall, the second rallied and rose above it
And he would fight as two, for the Ending they'd feel
Many did they vanquish, the mighty Sparta most of all-
The creatures of the enemy, monsters 'neath the waterfall
Among the fabled three hundred, there were many other names
Though thier bravery was unsurpassed, their passing was just the same
Destroyed by the Great Alexander, an Angel of Death no less,
And this is what he did exclaim, a voice that rang extremely
Loud, and then he turned, to make his powerful and somber address:
"Perish any man who suspects that these men either did or suffered unseemly."
His subjects, moved so deeply by his words, all acknowledged the fallen's great valiant feat
[For their place will never be with those timid Souls who know neither victory or defeat]
--- The rhymes are still quite choppy and not entirely as smooth as I had hoped, but given the material (which was great), it was difficult to make rhymes that were more even and fluid. You may consider abandoning the rhyme element and making this into a free-verse style piece (or another format of non-rhyme). Hope I was able to help in some manner. As an ancient history buff (especially of Greece and Rome), I LOVED your subject matter. I think with some revising, you will have a killer piece. Kudos, and good luck!
edited by JustLivingLies on 9/30/2013
edited by JustLivingLies on 9/30/2013
edited by JustLivingLies on 9/30/2013
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10/1/2013 9:08:18 AM
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The Sacred Band
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Well, I didn't take into account the server messing up the format; it mangled stanza 4 in my revision, so now I understand why yours came out the way it did. In any event, I hope that I was helpful to you in some way. I have no problem if you take any of my revisions into consideration if you do a rewrite. And I wasn't suggesting you necessarily "change" your material; I would just consider adding some more to it if you are determined for it to rhyme. There is much about that whole battle that is rich in imagery and emotion that you could use to add length to balance your rhymes. Though rhyme always has a fun element to it, if not executed properly, it's not aesthetically pleasing to the ear, and can hinder a poem instead of helping it. When a piece like yours has an "epic" feel to it, I think it would either sound best if all your rhymes were tight and succinct and fluid, or if it were formatted into free-verse, where you can take all the liberties you want with it. Rhyme has its own mechanics that, unless adhered to, can make a piece sound unrefined, unpolished and give it a neophyte feel, which is, I'm sure, not what you're wanting. In a nut shell, unrefined rhymes will bring down the quality of your piece instead of elavating it. In your first stanza, your syllable count for the first rhyme is almost 28 I think and then 17 in the second. The unevenness throws off both the ear and the eye. Rhyme is my forte and what I do best so I am trying to give you the best advice possible. Ultimately, I just want you to have an awesome piece because this poem has that potnetial. Much luck to you in all your poetic endeavors!
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10/2/2013 6:09:06 AM
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Rehab With A Twist!
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Well, cool. I was afraid it sounded too harsh. As long as you achieved your goal, then that's all that matters
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10/2/2013 6:12:48 AM
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The Sacred Band
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No problem at all. If you ever want to communicate privately, just shoot me a SoupMail; I'm always happy to help a fellow poet
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10/7/2013 11:00:56 AM
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Howdy
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I hope the "y'all" means you're from the south, as I am. Ky here; from whence do you hail? Just wanted to give you a warm welcome; you'll find most everyone here to be helpful, supportive and encouraging. If ever I can be of any assistance, just let me know; always glad to help out a fellow poet
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10/7/2013 11:02:19 AM
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Hello.....I'm addicted
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Salutations, Wayne! I found this site to be addictive the minute I found it. Welcome!
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10/7/2013 11:07:19 AM
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"The Garden of Prosperine" Best Poem Ever
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Awesome poem; absolutely LOVED it. Thanks for sharing!
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10/7/2013 11:10:13 AM
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About my Poems
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Robin, glad you are here and sharing with us. I agree with Jerasle: artistic expression is great self-therapy. Happy you both have joined us
~JustThatArchaicPoet aka JustLivingLies
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10/7/2013 11:16:11 AM
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Lost
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As I have stated elsewhere, I am no authority or expert on "free-verse" ("rhyme" being my forte). I have written very few and what you have written here reminds me a great deal of some of my own work. You are conveying and expressing universal sentiments of the human condition, to which I think most of us can relate. I find no flaw or fault in this piece; I like it just the way it is. I'm no fan of any "non-rhyming" style, but I identified with everything you are saying in this poem. I felt it was concise, succinct and to the point, and not too long and drawn out (I usually abhor long poems). All in all, I enjoyed this piece and think you did a good job, even if it was "hastily thrown together"
~JustThatArchaicPoet aka JustLivingLies
edited by JustLivingLies on 10/7/2013
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10/7/2013 11:30:25 AM
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Heavy Footsteps
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Being a "rhymer" myself, of course I loved that this piece rhymed. If this poem is any indication of your aptitude and flair for rhyme, then I think you have great potential. My only suggestions would be to watch your prosody and keep your rhymes as tight and succinct as possible. Also mind your metre, rhythm and flow. If you stumble while reading, then the reader usually stumbles in the same places. Take your first two lines for example: you have a 9 syllable vying with a 7 syllable rhyme in the next line which creates a stumbling point. I would change it to "Our idle breath hung in the air". It has more fluidity to it and more evenly matches your second verse. I found little places like this throughout your piece, but they do not necessarily detract from the overall beauty and impact of the poem. With time, practice and experience, you will easily discern how to best write or rework a piece. Try to familiarize yourself with the different pentameters and how they sound to the ear; also do not be afraid to work in some internal rhymes as well. Overall, I think this is a great piece that just needs some polishing and refining. If I can be of any further assistance, feel free to let me know; always happy to help a fellow poet, especially a neophyte ~JustThatArchaicPoet aka JustLivingLies
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10/7/2013 11:52:32 AM
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Rant #444
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I'm a griper; I like to gripe...and rant. Something is bothering me and, being blunt to a fault, will just come right out and say it: the "forum" is getting to be a "ghost town", and I don't understand why, given there are so many of us. I've only belonged to the Soup for a few months now, and perhaps I have no right or entitlement to say this, but I feel like the senior members and the most prolific posters are not taking time to adequately contribute to the forum. The "Critique" forums, especially, I feel are being neglected. I see people posting, wanting feedback yet very little (if any) is given. When people make introductions, there should be a hundred others welcoming a new poet into our fold. It saddens and disheartens me that, given the warmth and encouragement I've received outside the forum, that the same amount cannot be put into the forum. I try to be as helpful as I can be. Even though I am still pretty new around here, I try to take as an active role as I can, not for some kind of recognition or "glory", but because I believe in The Soup; I fervently believe it's the best poetry site on the net and it's up to us, ALL of us, to keep it that way. Even if we all took some time, one day a week even, to peruse the forum and make it a more lively place, then we are all making necessary contributions to make sure that The Soup remains the best site on the web for poets. End of rant.
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10/11/2013 8:34:31 AM
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Needing help with Premium Member features
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Could any premium member(s) help me out? I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out the new features, like adding a pic to my poems; I can't get it to work. Does anyone know if this info can be found somewhere on the site? Any help would be greatly appreciated; thanks!
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