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Best Caleb Smith Poems

Below are the all-time best Caleb Smith poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

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Details | Caleb Smith Poem

It Wasn't That Great

Someone once told me that there's nothing
better than a bear hug.
So I went to the zoo ...
and gave some random lady a bear hug,
but I got slapped
and now I can't go back to the zoo.
It wasn't that great.

I heard butterfly kisses tickle
so I gave it a try.
It tickled a little,
but the wings kept getting hung in my teeth.
It wasn't that great.

A friend and I were drinking beer one day
when his dog came up, and started licking himself ...
well ... you know where dogs occasionally
lick themselves.
So my friend says, "I'll bet you a hundred bucks
that you can't do that."
I said, "You're on." ... and I gave it a try
But the dog bit me and my friend never paid up.
It wasn't that great.


Details | Caleb Smith Poem

Fishin For Hippies

  I was down at Black Swamp Lake the other day catching some sunfish for my grandpa. The tupelo trees that grow from the water make it black as coal. I'm sure there's a good reason for it, though I've never took the time to figure out why.
  So there I was, sittin' on a log, jiggin' a worm between the trunks of two big ole tupelo trees, and I just start laughin'. I realized the trees looked like a pair of legs standin' in the water. What's more, the fella' they belonged to was wearin' a pair of bell bottoms. If you've ever been in a tupelo grove you'll know what I mean.
  I was pullin' sunfish out from between a hippie's legs. I reckon I found it ironic in the silliest way possible, because if there's one fish here that would remind you of a hippie, it'd be a sunfish. Of course, I'd never laugh about such a thing in front of respectable folks because there's also the sexual side of the irony. I had to wonder if there was ever a hippie gal who fondly referred to her man's business as ... my little sunfish. 
  I'm gonna bring my wife down there next time and see if she has better luck. I only caught five.


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Thoughts on Self Employment

If I owned a vaccum store,
my sign would read,
"Caleb's Vaccum Store. We Suck."

If I owned a septic tank company,
my sign would read,
"Caleb's Septic Tank Company. We're number one ... with your number two."

If I owned a plumbing company,
I would buy pants for all of my plumbers,
two sizes too big
and my sign would read,
"Caleb's Plumbing Company."

........If I owned a doughnut store,
I would put warning labels on all my boxes
The warning sign would read,
"Warning. This product is known by the state of California
to cause yeast infections when used improperly."

If I owned a technical support company,
my sign would read,
"Caleb's Technical Support Company. Sorry for the inconvenience."
or maybe,
"Caleb's Technical Support Company. I can't really help you."


Details | Caleb Smith Poem

Recent Random Events

I woke my daughter up this morning
She sat up and I said, "Good morning, sugar."
She looked at me and said, "A monkey's uncle."
What's that kid dreaming about, anyway?

Our dishwasher went out
So I told my wife she would just have to wash by hand from now on
She said, "That's fine. You can use your hand from now on, too."
So I bought a new dishwasher

My dog, Zayla, got into a fight with a Shetland pony
And lost horribly
The pony stomped one of Zayla's toenails off
So I tied a hawk feather to her collar
And have been calling her Zayla Three Toes
I named the Shetland pony, Dances With Hooves.
I told my wife I was going to strip down, put on a loin cloth,
and attempt to ride Dances With Hooves
She said, "But what if the neighbors see you?"
I thought about this
And replied, "Then maybe they'll start keeping that darn Shetland pony penned up."


Details | Caleb Smith Poem

Heaven Waiting

Will you wait for me, dear, until tomorrow?
When my time has passed
Along with my sorrow
I'll wait for you, beside the sea
Where I hope to find you
Waiting for me

I'll love you until the stones become dust
Til' the sea is forgotten
By the earth's dying crust
I'll love you long after, each of the sands
Is counted and lost by
My longing hands

I'll hold you until, my strength is no longer
Then bitterly wish
For a strength so much stronger
I'll hold you after, forever has faded
A forever that for you
I would have traded

I miss you my dear
My love, my daughter
And words cannot grasp the ache of this father
I miss you my dear
Oh my love, my daughter


* For every father who has had to lose his little girl.
Dedicated to the memory of Elly Jane Smith and Gena Grahm