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Amber Sheppard Poem
Its not hard to see why I need you so much
Its obvious to me why i crave your touch
When i first met you, I was untainted and free
I had no idea how to even be me
As long as I can remember I just wanted that need
The kind of love that's unstoppable, the kind that you feed
You became a part of me, the air inside my chest
You snuck into my mind and I could no longer rest
You filled me with confidence, deep in my soul
After you, there was no longer a giant hole
We became one instantly, to never be apart
I was a teen and you had stolen my heart
You made the whole world mold to my vision
How was i to know it was a head on collision?
Blindsighted, you tricked me with your lies
You sold me happiness but what i got was cries
It wasn't long before you demanded all of my time
You began to consume me, forced me to crime
Ill never forget the day I realized you had changed
You no longer filled my soul, you just rearranged
Your grasp was so tight I couldn't let go
So once again,I fell deeper, to our all time low
You gave me a way to get back to that high
All i had to do was tie off and try
It was like the beginning but it didn't last long
I had found an answer, but the answer was wrong
Thats when it happened, you slowly took it all
Any piece that was left of me, away it would fall
Your love turned into a controlling mess
Where you used to give me more, i now had less
You took my smiles and replaced them with fear
You had my life, i could no longer steer
People left my side because you were there
They disappeared, they no longer cared
Alone i was reaching out and there was only you
So once again, you had to pull me through
Further and further i fell inside myself to die
It was so dark i could barely even try
The weight holding me down was what pulled me thru
How could i ever live without you?
Desperation wasn't enough. I now had a need
You tangled yourself in me like some sort of weed
Copyright © Amber Sheppard | Year Posted 2015
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Amber Sheppard Poem
its filthy in here; bodies litter the floor
I placed myself in danger just like before
meth has consumed my life for quite some time
its not hard to see why people resort to crime
the need is what brought us all to this place
In our desperation our morals were erased
With nothing left but an addiction to feed
We came to this house to get what we need
Too many of us are here, its way too loud
Someone has got to weed out this crowd
the lab is scattered about as we just wait
Its so close to being done, this part I hate
The air is stuffy and the windows are small
Fans are placed to move air down the hall
A thick smoke will soon become our air
As much as I hate it I always have to stare
I am terrified of all outcomes to this but one
With odds like that you'd think i'd be done
But as the smell of acid hits me in the face
A hundred memories appear; I begin to chase
Anxiety starts to build as I get closer to a hit
I begin a war inside me that dares me to quit
The risk that comes with all of this mess
Threatens to take it all and leave me less
I block out the warnings and ignore the signs
I pretend it's a gray area without fine lines
I am suddenly happy, it was worth the wait
My hands are shaking, which I hate
I get my bag and I head out the door
I know I'll be back as soon as I need more
Its funny how much evil we ignore to protect
Our friendly addiction, we dare not neglect
Copyright © Amber Sheppard | Year Posted 2015
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Amber Sheppard Poem
It takes a special kind of soul to follow me here
Yet we both stand together without a fear
I know that my pain is blacker than night
So meeting me here is like walking without sight
Only the brave will make it out alive to tell
Only the strong can find their way out of hell
There are places in our mind that can kill
Where loneliness and fear is all we'll feel
I had been lost for an eternity before you
I was at the end of my road, I was through
Hope gone, I entertained ideas of death
Heavy with shame I could barely take a breath
Then suddenly I felt a presence of love so clear
I knew somehow that you were standing near
I was no longer alone ;the weight was gone
The night faded away; making room for dawn
There are few like you; ones who are true
Ones that will come in the dark to find you
I don't know how I got to a place of such hate
But I was convinced that it was my fate
I had long forgotten that truth lived inside
I can't even remember the last time I tried
You saved me when the world had me dead
I will never forget you or the things you said
You restored my strength; I can finally fight
You renewed my belief in what is right
The hope I lost has returned inside me
Laughter fills the air and its truth i see
I owe you my life, I can never repay
I can only hope that you forever stay.
Copyright © Amber Sheppard | Year Posted 2015
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Amber Sheppard Poem
Its like the sky has parted and it rains just for me
I dont know why; but it's a miracle I see
Every drop that hits my face has both smiles and pain
Its chaos is contradicting and my soul it drains
Rage morphed into love and then disappearing away
I beg for it to leave yet I yearn for it to stay
I know inside I was cursed with a blessing to feel
To feel so deeply and intensely that it could kill
I was born to need the demons that cause so much pain
I was born to want the angels and all of their rain
In these moments, as the rain explodes all around
When the thunder hits and makes that sound
It's times like these I can finally pause for a bit
Its moments like these I can almost just sit
The world slows to almost a complete stop
And the water says so much in just one drop
I shiver from the wind, yet I feel no cold
I know somehow that my soul is wise and old
My hair is whips desperately in the storm
And I know that there is a tornado about to form
But for once in my life I feel absolutely no fear
And it seems like my lifes confusions are suddenly clear
Like I was born to walk through the storms hate
Like I am a warrior sent to save you from fate
I thrive on the dramatic pain brought in its sting
I am the aftermath; and the power that it brings
a
Copyright © Amber Sheppard | Year Posted 2015
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Amber Sheppard Poem
I've been given a clean slate, wiped clear
They told me that this was it, no more tears
I was given this blank paper to write my story
To brainstorm a future and then tell my glory
It'S purpose I suppose is to create an outline
To become one with fate and life's design
I could make a life filled with luxury and pride
or one that's based on peace, I can't decide
But of course one with loyal and loving friends
Where there is never a reason to pretend
I could make a message of hope and desire
No one would be sad, no one would tire
I would base it in a small town, quiet but fun
The parties won't shut down until we see sun
what a wonderful story it would become
people would read it and they would come.
Unfortunately, the whole scenario is fake
That's the kind of life that we can't make
They want me to believe that this is my shot
To build whatever I want, give it all I've got
But that's not the case, I know it's all a lie
They are sugar coating reality so I don't cry
They didn't "give" me a new and clean slate
they just took my old one , but left the hate
this paper is blank not because I get to choose
its because I have nothing left to lose
I barely made it when my world suddenly died
It was ripped out of my hands, my faith denied
I am still learning still from the old life that I led
I know that its memories will never be dead
I know I am the one who caused the end
I am the one who lost every single friend
The fresh start was my creation by mistake
Or shall we call it destruction so I could make
I alone am the controller of what is to be
I am the person who molds today, just me
Tomorrow will be a reflection of choices today
So its time to start building a new pathway
I am not going to tell you a perfect lie
And I refuse to paint just a beautiful sky
my story shall be much more than a tall tale
It will show strength and also how I fail
it will tell of suffering, happiness and greed
it'll have people who are broken and in need
I want my journey to have meaning and truth
If we had no challenges, we would have no proof
Copyright © Amber Sheppard | Year Posted 2015
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Amber Sheppard Poem
Spinning, her world seems to move so fast
Or maybe it's an illusion disguising the past
She thinks a lot about what's behind
She wonders if happiness she'll find
She relives fantasies of her highs
That are shattered by her failed tries
The drugs and the needles were her sin
She'd quit but doesn't know where to begin
Instead her day will start like the one before
She gathers tools and puts them on the floor
The pain she carried was too much to hold
Her soul was broken and her heart was cold
She tries to hurry before her mind awakes
She goes quickly, with whatever it takes
her burdens used to define when she used
Now addiction has control, her arms bruised
Hands shaking with anticipation; she drew near
Barely able to stay steady; she was full of fear
shaking she places the needle to her skin
She gently pushes until it pops and she's in
As it drains inside she thrusts harder for more
The rush she feels burns hot in her core
Her eyes flicker and the relief flows
Each time she hits her hunger grows
pain in her arm surpasses that in her heart
For a moment it's hard to tell them apart
Her agony is worn by the scars she holds
Her soul is broken and her heart is cold
She lay motionless yet she fiends for more
Lying naked on a dirty mattress on the floor
Needles surround her, filth covers the ground
Garbage everywhere, cockroaches all around
Even in this disgust, she is oblivious and free
All of her problems have left, she can just be
she has gone to a sweet yet dangerous place
A world where all of her shame can be erased
Her blood pumps fast; her heart skips a beat
the end is coming, and she accepts the defeat
Her world fades,peacefully she drifts away
Another soul lost to the evil in the world today
This place is too big and souls drift away
Copyright © Amber Sheppard | Year Posted 2015
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Amber Sheppard Poem
She's not sure why she always chooses to die
Why it is she is drawn to demons and lies
The guilt she carries is so heavy it breaks
she just can't build up whatever it takes
Behind her is ashes resembling all the pain
Inside her are ghosts lingering in her shame
A vicious circle, trying to erase whats made
An ugly irony because happiness she trades
Tomorrow she will relive yesterday's pain
She'll lose control and then have to regain
Trapped in a web of pain; she weaves more
She's beginning to confuse what's at her core
Her mistakes have left more than one mark
Her world is lonely, scary and dark
Sadly the only relief she knows and feels
Is short lived, for she'll have to steal
Fake smiles fabricated by men and booze
She's temporarily happy but she will lose
She wants to break the cycle and be free
But it's the reality that she just can't see
Destruction surrounds; leaving nothing behind
She no longer has a reason to even find
Her anger takes over and she is blinded again
she's dumped back into her life cycle of sin
She is covered in the dirt of her past
With stakes like these she will never last
Her blood flows in reds and in blues
If only she had the strength to just choose
To choose correctly and not have to lose
Always a moment too late when she finally sees
Left in her own aftermath, she too agrees
Copyright © Amber Sheppard | Year Posted 2015
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Amber Sheppard Poem
I am moving, but is it forward or not
In a cycle of impulsive decisions i'm caught
Always pushing to barely make it through
I run without stopping, nothing is true
I make it to the end every time I try
But is it about that or what I passed by
Maybe i'm running in circles I don't know
My feet are moving but no distance to show
Fast paced life style; party every single night
Its about ultimate distraction from what's right
The irony is that that same escape takes
It will steal everything and create mistakes
I am a strong person and gain ground fast,
As long as I don't start dwelling on my past
I have to be very careful if I am ahead
I have been known to go backwards instead
See,When things are good they are really good
They come in clusters, just like the should
And such is life that bad comes that same way
we're bombed with hardships everyday
My spirit is littered with bruises left behind
It's scars are deep and can be found in my mind
Too much past I wonder if I will always be broken
There is a conversation that isn't spoken
So here I am at the beginning, another start
I am trying to replay where it began to fall apart
I almost feel like some things we cannot beat
We just have to start over, accept defeat
The war we rage is worth all of the fight
At the end of the day you just cant lose sight
Copyright © Amber Sheppard | Year Posted 2015
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Amber Sheppard Poem
Im lost and alone, but I'm to blame
I ran away because of my shame
Too late to rethink, I should move on
It catches me , though not for long
Heavily medicated it seems unreal
I push forward so I don't feel
I'm terrified, I can't stop running
I'm afraid of who I'm becoming
Im that girl who really needs
Anything if addiction it feeds
from house to house I stay
I barely survive each day
Wanted by the cops,I have to hide
I don't want to; but I stay inside
my health is diminishing, I can see
when I look in the mirror it isnt me
my skin is pale and my arm are bruised
my hair is greasy; i look used
I don't know how much longer
I can't become any stronger
A day blends into one week
always about the drug I seek
because I chose to run away
I am left alone, forever to stay
Copyright © Amber Sheppard | Year Posted 2015
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