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Kurt Everdeen Poem
A nobody
Scared by the sound of his own voice
Following the girl home from school
In his mind this is normal
Stalking girls
He grabs her jacket
Pulling her backwards unto the ground
Placing a cloth around her nose and mouth
Gagging her until she sleeps for a while
He drags her through the woods
Branches hitting her every which way he turns
Dragging her along until he reaches the cabin
Picking her up over his shoulders opening the door to the cellar
Locking the door behind him he walks down the stairs slowly
He places her on a chair and ties her wrist to the handles
Tying her feet to the legs of the chair
Tightening the rope around her neck to the back of the chair
He undresses her waiting for her to wake up
Several hours pass
She wakes up
Sweating and screaming
Crying and yelling at him
He places duct tape around her mouth
Placing a knife against her stomach
She groans and yelps
He takes the knife away and looks at her
Grabbing her face and telling her shes beautiful
He turns around and stands with his back towards her
As he starts to say
But its the beautiful people that need fixing
He takes the tape off her face and holds her chin tightly
He carves a smile on her face
Cutting her mouth from ear to ear
Telling her
Smile dear it makes you adorable
He grins and sits the knife down
Laughing as she bleeds
She tries to move her mouth
It just drops open
He looks at her smiling
Now that makes you truly beautiful
He leaves her there for a while
Later returning
Placing a needle with a string attached to it
Sticking it into the skin around her mouth that is hanging open
He stitches her back together
Cant make up his mind
He slaps her and leaves her there for another few days
She sits with her eyes peeled wide open
A tear falling as she tries wiggling her hand free from the rope
As she frees her hand she runs her fingers over her stitches
Only to find out her whole mouth has been stitched together
She cant speak
She can only mumble
She frees the rest of her limbs
Trying to stand up and walk but she's to weak and falls
He runs down the stairs
Yelling at her to get up
She doesn't move
He kicks her in the stomach
She doesn't budge
He picks her up and uses her as a puppet
For his own needs
He then buries her beside his other victims
Only to find out shes still alive
Her hand slips through the dirty old mud
5-28-2013
Copyright © Orlin Collier | Year Posted 2013
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Kurt Everdeen Poem
Upon the dawning of each day
Everything is black and grey
The darkness fills the space around him
Somehow the demons won't let him be
Just upon the time for him to change
They come for his life to be rearranged
Breaking through the silver lining of his soul
Letting them in, taking over him... he's a fool
Once he was smothered in beauty
Through time the porcelain skin around his face has shattered.
For now and forever they've made him ugly and broken, Just like you and me.
The soul that once shined, now a black Myst disposing him of his sweet taste. Deformed.
A heart so cold, eliminating him of his feeling.
Upon the rising sun of each day
Everything is white and grey
The light surrounds the darkest of nights
For then the darkness that holds him so tight, shrouds away at the sight of the holy light.
Copyright © Orlin Collier | Year Posted 2016
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Kurt Everdeen Poem
To capture the attention everyone else gets but you
You do whatever you can to get it
Even if its bad
You continue to do it
To get the attention you never had
And the attention you will never get
You want the perfect body and soul that everyone else has
You want to feel important... special
So you seek for a better
Much higher thing
What you need
You dont quite know
But you decide that
You will do whatever it takes to make you happy
And sometimes
That means..
suicide
Sometimes it means
Shooting someone
Because the hole inside your heart needs filled
And thats the only thing you ever had
The only thing you see
The only thing that someone gave to you
The thing that got everyone talking about you
The thing that got everyone to even look at you
So if you decide to kill someone
You kill yourself afterwards
Because you felt lonely again
You felt that no one was watching you
That no one even cared
Then you think about all the things that
Bugged you
And you pull the trigger
Then theres no more you
Next time someone sees you
You will be on the news
Where now you are special
And important
Copyright © Orlin Collier | Year Posted 2012
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Kurt Everdeen Poem
At one point in my life i was an artist
I used to paint and draw
Covering a piece of paper
In beautiful colors
And my art told a story
The sort of story you couldn't talk about
I used to go to school every day
Showing up late
Wasn't something I'd do
But i dropped out
Leaving my education behind
I played the bass guitar
In a band called
The Nocturnal
My fingers ran against that bass
Pure magic
The sound of the gods
Setting out to destroy the world
Pure Punk straight from Seattle
At one point i was clean
Sober and pure like a new born baby
Falling further into
What you now call
"disapointment"
Screwing up my veins
with every shot of herion
Killing my brain cells
With every joint i smoked
Clogging up my nose
With every pill you could have known
I used to write lyrics
About my life
My childhood
I used to write journals
The ones you read in the book
that was published of me
I got up on that stage every night
As i was
Nothing fake
Nothing glamourous
Only a few scars
One shot of heroin
Come as you are
The words only speak for
Themselves
Copyright © Orlin Collier | Year Posted 2012
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Kurt Everdeen Poem
Lately everything seems to be surrounded in darkness
Either I am way too close or too far away
When I stand close I perfectly see the flickering light ahead
How close it is but when I reach it.. it just disappears
I can't seem to grasp anything that's around me anymore
When I touch it, it just turns to ash...
Seems I have lost the will to do much anything
Sometimes I find myself starring at white walls..
I forgot to think.. maybe I will forget to breath too
The image of the world in my head.. is so different from what I see... with my eyes
Is reality an allusion or is the world in my head..
Darkness surrounding everyone I stand close to
You see them fade in and out like a hologram
When you reach out to touch them.. they are not real
Sometimes they just.. disappear
Then I find myself searching for what I used to know
Seems the world in my head.. is not so bright and colorful anymore
Either everyone is stuck in the past with me.. or they are moving forward..
I am watching them pass me by as I stay within the realm I am used to knowing
No matter how many times I change my appearance..
Everything stays the same... and I realize..
All the people I know..
In the end. .. nothing really matters...
Everything you knew..
Everything you have touched..
Everyone you have loved
Everyone you once cared for
All the lessons you learned...
what are they for?...
Is it better to be... alone..
Where there is no pain in a relationship with another..
I can no longer get close to anyone..
I find myself.. stepping further and further back
Yet I cannot stop myself... there is no rope to grab..
Which world would I rather live in.. the one i see with my eyes.. or the one in my head...
They both have become.. one of the same... covered and smeared in blood..
Darkness...
I have no reflection in the mirror.. and I can feel my soul slipping from within me
All I see.. is cracks.. where my soul is leaking its way out..
Yet no band-aid or super glue.. could help cover it
Hallow...
Nothing can save you now.. because you realize... the truth..
Once your world is coming to an end.. it wont matter..
You will not remember.. you wont be able to feel..
Somehow, even with this darkness and being surrounded by darkness
Having the feeling of comfort and a blind happiness
Everything is perfectly where it belongs...
Copyright © Orlin Collier | Year Posted 2015
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Kurt Everdeen Poem
The little boy sits by the christmas tree
Full of light and color
Trying to figure out what all the colors are
He puts his little hands on the ornaments
Trying to see what they are
Feeling them
He steps back and falls over a present
He feels around the box trying to open it
Only seeing alittle
Mean while on the phone..
his mom is talking to the doctor
"do you think he will be able to see by christmas?" she says
The doctor replies "theres no guarentees, he is 67 % blind, when we did the test with him, he described the color blue as a dark black, and a yellow as a light gray, your son only sees in black and white and im not sure if we can fix that. but we will do our best"
A breathe escapes from her lips as she turns and looks at her son
The doctor explains "his surgery is set for Dec. 7th. be here around 8 am and we will see what we can do, im trully sorry"
He hangs up.
Back in the living room
The boy stands up and walks over to his mom
"mom, have you seen the christmas lights?" he says
She replies "yes sweety i have."
He hugs her leg and says "are they black and white?"
She answers "no sweety" she points to a light bulb on the tree
"this one is blue" she smiles
He grabs the light bulb and repeats "this one is blue" and giggles
She lays him down in his bed as he quickly falls asleep
She sits down on the chair and thinks
"to me. because my son cannot see the beautiful lights and feel the joys of christmas, everything is gray for me. nothing will fill my empty heart"
There are no smiles, when everything is gray, when you cant see the colors of a bright day
Copyright © Orlin Collier | Year Posted 2012
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Kurt Everdeen Poem
What good is my help when you can't help yourself?
Lonely, Misunderstood, Trapped, Suffocating and Despair..
Normally he is happy, trying to help others smile
Lately, he has lost all will to do such..
So every night he sits alone in his room
Full of darkness, his thoughts wonder constantly
Something filling his head with horrible lies
Somewhere along the way he began to feel himself slip
How can he grasp a hold of himself... ?
A friend who constantly is trying to help him? .. No
He is so far gone, no one can help him but no one gets that
Sometimes its better to just let it happen so that person can be happy
No... because if that person leaves.. everyone else will soon feel what he did
What if I told you, suicide can save your broken heart... but can destroy happy ones .. the hearts of the people who love you?
Would you believe me when I say, there is another life and he doesn't belong here.. because he isn't like anyone else.. he cannot fit in here.. so why stay?
All these sad thoughts, and friends telling him the words of hope and God
What if he is sick of God.. what if he never seen hope.. what if he just doesn't care anymore?
What if that release will help him, collect himself... because pieces of him are scattered everywhere... some pieces are lost..
silence... silence is always his best friend.. because silence understands... silence doesn't keep him from what he wants..
A friend can toss you a rope, but its up to you .. to not lose hope...
He chose to lose hope, he lost himself.. and it's too late to pick up the pieces..
Thoughts are works of fiction.. so what good is your help telling me there is hope when I haven't been able to find those lost pieces and pick them up Myself?
Copyright © Orlin Collier | Year Posted 2015
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Kurt Everdeen Poem
The best thing you can do about a suicide is understanding it.
The boy opens the door and walks by his mom
his mom says "how was school"
He doesnt respond
he walks silently to his room
His mom turns away in sadness
"its dinner time Ory" she yells up the stairs.
He walks slowly down the steps
Hiding something in his hand as he puts it in his pocket
His mother is setting the table
Putting meat on his plate
He sits down unto the seat
not touching his food
"is there something wrong with it?" his mom asks
He doesnt look at her
"talk to me. why have you been ignoring me" she repeats.
He gets up off the chair and walks outside
Walking into the woods as his mom runs out
"get back here where are you going"
Every living thing dies alone." he writes in white on a tree in there back yard
He throws the rope over the toughest branch
He steps up unto a little chair
Tying the rope around his neck
The chair falls
His mom worries in panic
She cant find him anywhere
She waits up all night
The Next Morning"
She walks out to the garden
Looking up at a tree
She sees the fallen chair from behind a tall bush
She runs
Picking up the chair
Seeing the thing she never thought would have happened
She falls to her knees
A tear falls from her cheek
Not understanding
Reading the words on the tree
Every living thing dies alone"
She wonders
Thinking
Crying
She untangles him from the tree and holds him
Talks gentle to him
Something she hasnt done in a while
Now grasping the meaning behind what he has done
The best thing you can do about a suicide is understanding the meaning behind it.
Copyright © Orlin Collier | Year Posted 2012
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Kurt Everdeen Poem
bruise bruise bruise
cut
bruise bruise bruise
cigarette burn
bruise bruise bruise
cut
bruise bruise bruise
broken heart
bruise bruise bruise
distracted mind.
Copyright © Orlin Collier | Year Posted 2012
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Kurt Everdeen Poem
I hope you remember all of the bad things you have done so far
I hope you still have the chance to fix them
Im sorry it took me forever to write this letter to you
Ive been meaning to save you from what your about to become
For some reason i cant get a grip on it
I dont know what i want to say
I dont know how to help you
Im about to tell you about some of the things you are about to do
Right now your 16
Right now you are sitting on your bed listening to music
Reading a book on your favorite band
Smoking that cigarette
That will soon get you into all the other things that causes more problems for you
Try to avoid the guy you are about to let into your life
Remember that your not allowed to talk to strangers
Remember your mom told you that when you were 7
Its about time you listen to her
You will meet a girl
And you will end up hurting her
Dont take her to that club
Where your band is about to play
Your not good at singing
And your bass playing still needs some work
Dont embarass yourself
It lowers your self esteem
And you will try to committ suicide
Multiple times
But dont worry
It doesnt work
So stop trying to
Kill yourself
Remember the night when you ran away
And went to go live with your aunt
Yea...
Shes about to kick you out
Look under your bed
You will find 500 dollars
You put it there when you were young
You forgot
Thats why im writing you
Remember it
Take it and use it wisely
Dont use it on the drugs
Dont use it on the beer
Use it towards a better future
So then i dont have to write this letter again.
12-13-12
Copyright © Orlin Collier | Year Posted 2012
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