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Hazel Jackson Poem
Let’s do something stupid, let’s play in traffic on the m1.
Let’s do something crazy, let’s set alight to someone’s house just for fun.
Let’s do something insane, drink gasoline and eat a lit match.
Because hell knows, it’s less dangerous than falling in love.
Copyright © Hazel Jackson | Year Posted 2010
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Hazel Jackson Poem
I stand still and silent,
My eyes are closed but I can picture in my head,
What I would see in this late summer scene.
I can hear the young children screaming and shrieking at play,
The squeaks of the playground slides, swings and see-saws,
The gentile gossiping of girls,
The angry football cries of boys,
The gentle chuckles of old men a women trading tales.
I can feel the smooth, soothing warmth of the suns last few rays,
The soft blades of grass beneath my feet and between my toes,
A soft summer wind runs its fingers through my hair.
A smiles plays across my lips as a graceful sense of calm falls upon me.
I am brought out of my trance by the sound of my phone,
I answer it and hear the most angelic voice.
The only way this day would be become better was if the owner of this voice was with me,
As I think this a pair of hands slides around my waist and a head rests on my shoulder.
I know that touch and that scent.
We stand in silence for a second, a minute, an hour,
Who knows?
He is with me,
making this day pure bliss and perfection.
Copyright © Hazel Jackson | Year Posted 2010
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Hazel Jackson Poem
You’re fake to the bone,
Hair, face, friendship;
Fake, fake, fake.
Walking around the school halls like top dog,
While we laugh as an extension falls out.
Pushing out that flat chest trying to emphasis.
Walking around swinging those hips so much,
Girl, you should come with a hazard sign!
We wince as you use that deliberate shriek of a laugh.
You drape those orang-utan arms around his neck,
Craving his attention.
My man shakes you off and pulls me closer.
“Owww, what a whelk she is!” my man says to me,
I laugh and reply
“More like a whelk with extensions and a uniform!”
Copyright © Hazel Jackson | Year Posted 2010
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Hazel Jackson Poem
All around the trees are swaying and shaking,
But I can’t feel the cold I know I should.
The wind is howling and screaming,
But I cannot hear it at all.
The snow is falling in a fast and furious blizzard.
A sheet of white masks the mountains I know are there.
The smell of snow; crisp, clean and fresh,
I cannot smell it ... and I miss it.
I can sense your presence and want to seek you out.
You reach me and I freeze,
Panic floods through me.
If I cannot feel everything I should,
Can I feel you?
Will I ever feel your warmth?
Will I ever hear you golden voice again?
Will I ever feel another of your tender kisses?
Will I ever see your perfect features again?
I can feel a warm hand on my shoulder,
I turn in shock to see you standing tall and proud in front of me.
I hadn’t noticed the tears I was crying until I could taste them in my mouth,
I can see your face and features, as perfect as I remember them.
You embrace me in the most adoring hug holding me close,
I instantly feel your warmth spread through me like a blaze.
I can hear your gentile, caring whispers in my ear,
I can smell your familiar sweet scent.
You bring my scenes alive in my time of numbness,
You could bring me out of the deepest and darkest of comas,
You could stop me from falling into despair.
I need you my love,
Without you I am still and silent,
Without you I am numb,
Without you I am nothing.
Copyright © Hazel Jackson | Year Posted 2010
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Hazel Jackson Poem
Do not mistake me my friend
I appreciate your concern
But it is not needed believe me
You analyze all the small things I do!
You worry about things that are not problems!
I am fine!
So what! If I get upset sometimes? We all do!
But for no reason? Over no one? Recently more often?
So what! If I get a little bit depressed sometimes? Most of us do!
But over nothing? No one on the mind? Recently more often?
So what? If I cry sometimes? Some of us do!
But with no reason for these heavy tears? Tears that fall by their own means? Recently more
often?
So what? If I cut myself sometimes? We all... a few of us do!
But feeling nothing before? During? Or after? And recently deeper and more often?
You think I suffer from the mental disease depression!
But you have seen me with my friends! Or with anyone I can talk to!
Never was there a soul as happy and hyper!
But watch me when I am alone,
By myself,
With time to think,
That is when I go numb and the “depression” creeps up on me
But there is nothing wrong with me!
I refuse to be told I have this disease!
You say it is a disease?
And that it isn’t my fault?
And that it can be treated?
You want me to see a doctor! And to be plastered with the “depression” sticker!
There is nothing wrong with me! You shall see!
I shall go to your doctor! And prove I am fine!
But what if you are right? And the doctor confirms it?
What if I have depression?
Where did this dark whole within my body come from?
It is swirling and draining all the laughter and smiles from me
It is the cowardly disease;
It only creeps up on me when it knows I am alone
Oh god what if it is true ?
what if there is something wrong with me?
I am scared now to go to the doctors incase it is true.
If a disease is left untreated it gets worse right?
So does that mean that I could get worse?
Could the cold, deep, dark whole within my body spread and eventually surface through my
skin on show for anyone to see?
Do I have this disease? Is it mine?
If I do and it is then it is my cowardly disease.
Copyright © Hazel Jackson | Year Posted 2010
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Hazel Jackson Poem
When you kiss me I get those feeling
You know the feelings,
First the one that most will describe as "butterflies"
But with you they are not"butterlies"they are fluttering and tickleing,
But, after awhile, they are sliceing and cutting my insides,
these "butterflies" as you like to call them they are like small shreds of paper,
trasforming from a light and feathery tickle into a slicing paper cut from inside.
The second feeling i get with you and your touch,
Is like when you are a simple and shreaking child at play,
Like when you are on a swing and reach the top,
And you do not know whether you are going to make it back to earth,
Or if you are going to be plummeted into space with the stars and angels,
Although this feeling is momentarily scary,
Your heart beating fast and rocketing against your chest.
Your mind and heart say "no this is dangerous you are going to get hurt"
And yet you carry on and ignore them acting blind and deaf to their warnings,
Enjoying this moment of you showing a possible affection towards me.
Ignorent of learning from the past and hoping this time will be different.
Someday soon will I once again wish I had listened to their warnings and taken good note of
what they have to say.
Maybe this time I should staple postit notes with a "danger! warning on your back as you
turn and walk away; to remind me and others.
And perhaps I should staple a few to the inside of my eyes?
That way I can not help but take note of the warnings.
Closing my eyes and trying to ignore them would not work .
YES! that is the answer! I shall staple postit notes and no more will you break my heart or
others!
and If others do not see the ones I stapled to your back I will find them and with a smile I
shall simply hand over;
A stapler and a stack of postits then turn and walk away :)
Copyright © Hazel Jackson | Year Posted 2010
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Hazel Jackson Poem
Broken down in a sea of tears,
On the beach of self pity I saw you,
Stranded on the island,
Marooned by your love.
You reached out to me for help,
You thought I was your lifeboat,
The one to heal the pain,
If only that was true,
If only...
I laid down beside you,
Absorbing the hurt and pain.
I made it my own,
I tried to help you,
And suffocated under its weight.
Free from your burden you left me.
Now I'm looking for a lifeline,
Some kind of hope,
Some sign of affection.
Someone to share my pain.
He saw me on my island.
He lay down beside me,
He absorbed my hurt and pain,
Made it his own.
He tried to help me,
He set if free.
We will all visit my beach,
We will all call it home for awhile,
We will all go home eventually.
Copyright © Hazel Jackson | Year Posted 2011
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Hazel Jackson Poem
We were not together but I loved you and so could not help but care for and about you
I showed you nothing but love and devotion, when we met we shared incredible memories
Or were they just that way for me?
I mention them and you just simply say “oh yeah that was fun”
The last time we met up you smelt of perfume it is not mine
I remind myself we are not together
I saw you again yesterday you had love bites on your neck this time they are not mine,
I remind myself that we are not together
We talk on the phone you sound tired I ask and you reply “sorry I was kind of with someone
today I'm shattered”
I lower my head and close my eyes we all know what that means
But I remind myself
We are not together.
I saw you for the last time today you were talking about your new girlfriend
I put on an actor’s smile and cry inside and make a private prayer to god “don't let me cry,
please lord if you are there don’t let me cry not infront of him please”
I get home and remind myself you are not m...
You are not...
You are...
You...
I can’t do it this time something is stopping me each time
I try to make a desperate plea to god “let me not care, let me not want, let me forget”
My phone rings by my side, it is you, I answer and instantly regret, you are happy, you have
been with her this afternoon, suddenly I go numb inside and drop the phone, I feel tears
heavy like rain fall down my pain stricken face.
While one hand held the phone listening to your betraying voice, the other has found the
answer to your disloyalty and hurt
It is silver, shiny and sharp,
and now deep within my aching, weeping heart.
You are not mine, you were never mine and now there is no chance of you ever being mine.
Only now am I free from caring.
Copyright © Hazel Jackson | Year Posted 2010
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Hazel Jackson Poem
I am scared,
I'm probably just over reacting again,
But I can’t help but think;
It’s happening again,
I can feel it,
I'm losing you again.
That ever familiar frightening feeling is back,
It is a dark, twisting and churning feeling within me,
It is tearing me up inside.
On the outside I appear fine to my friends,
But on the inside I a mess of emotions,
I try to talk to you and fall apart.
please dont go again
i dont think my heart can take it this time
i love you
i need you
what do i do?
im lost
help me once again
come back to me my dear
bring back you smiles and laughter and jokes and joy
and your love...
Copyright © Hazel Jackson | Year Posted 2010
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Hazel Jackson Poem
Yesterday I would have cried an ocean over you,
Hell knows I did on many occasion,
Tired and alone from you non-existent love.
Last night I cried a stream,
It ran down my vacant expression,
Rolled off my chin,
And crashed onto my pillow,
This morning there is nothing inside me left to cry.
I am numb,
Once again,
Just like last time.
Last time the blood made you stop and think,
Realise you were wrong.
This time all the cusses from me for nothing,
I ran before you could reply in case I forgave you,
Once again,
Because god knows I forgave you,
For everything you did to me,
Time and time again.
Next time?
Ha!
There won’t be a next time!
I’m getting over you,
All this pain will fade into the darkness that’s inside of me.
I love you,
I loath you,
Now stay out of my life
As one last wish from me,
Let me get over you.
Copyright © Hazel Jackson | Year Posted 2010
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