You Are Not Mine

We were not together but I loved you and so could not help but care for and about you I showed you nothing but love and devotion, when we met we shared incredible memories Or were they just that way for me? I mention them and you just simply say “oh yeah that was fun” The last time we met up you smelt of perfume it is not mine I remind myself we are not together I saw you again yesterday you had love bites on your neck this time they are not mine, I remind myself that we are not together We talk on the phone you sound tired I ask and you reply “sorry I was kind of with someone today I'm shattered” I lower my head and close my eyes we all know what that means But I remind myself We are not together. I saw you for the last time today you were talking about your new girlfriend I put on an actor’s smile and cry inside and make a private prayer to god “don't let me cry, please lord if you are there don’t let me cry not infront of him please” I get home and remind myself you are not m... You are not... You are... You... I can’t do it this time something is stopping me each time I try to make a desperate plea to god “let me not care, let me not want, let me forget” My phone rings by my side, it is you, I answer and instantly regret, you are happy, you have been with her this afternoon, suddenly I go numb inside and drop the phone, I feel tears heavy like rain fall down my pain stricken face. While one hand held the phone listening to your betraying voice, the other has found the answer to your disloyalty and hurt It is silver, shiny and sharp, and now deep within my aching, weeping heart. You are not mine, you were never mine and now there is no chance of you ever being mine. Only now am I free from caring.