Long Doggerel Poems

Doggerel I or Nonsense Verse

A$$tronomical
by Michael R. Burch

Einstein, the frizzy-haired,
proved E equals MC squared.
Thus, all mass decreases
as activity ceases?
Not my mass, my a$$ declared!



Bible Libel
by Michael R. Burch

If God
is good,
half the Bible
is libel.

I came up...

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Limericks I - Relatives and Relativity

The Cosmological Constant
by Michael R. Burch

Einstein, the frizzy-haired,
said E equals MC squared.
Thus all mass decreases
as activity ceases?
Not my mass, my a$$ declared!


A$$-tronomical
by Michael R. Burch

Relativity, the theorists’ creed,
says mass increases...

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Limericks VI - Religion

Pell-Mell for Hell Mel
by Michael R. Burch

There once was a Baptist named Mel
who condemned all non-Christians to hell.
When he stood before God
he felt like a clod
to discover His Love couldn’t fail!



Why I...

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Doggerel II: Doggerel about Doggerel, or, More Nonsense Verse

The Board
by Michael R. Burch

Accessible rhyme is never good.
The penalty is understood:
soft titters from dark board rooms where
the businessmen paste on their hair
and, Walter Mitties, woo the...

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Whether you have come to possess this compendium of doggerel confessions by chance or by choice, should you decide to venture beyond this page, I politely suggest you consider the contents to be nothing more...

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When I was a lad and somewhat brash
I often read the poems of Ogden Nash,
whose humourous rhymes on many themes,
was motivation for my own poetic dreams.

Later when I took to reading Edgar Allen Poe,
more of...

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Animal Poems II

These are poems about animals, limericks and other forms of doggerel.



Ballade of the Bicameral Camel
by Michael R. Burch

There once was a camel who loved to hump.
Please get your lewd minds out of their...

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Trump Poems and Epigrams VI


Trump’s Retribution Resolution
by Michael R. Burch

My New Year’s resolution?
I require your money and votes,
for you are my retribution.

May I offer you dark-skinned scapegoats
and bigger and deeper moats
as part of my sweet...

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The Platypus: Double Limerick
by Michael R. Burch 

The platypus, myopic,
is ungainly, not erotic.
His feet for bed
are over-webbed,
and what of his proboscis?

The platypus, though, is eager
although his means are meager.
His sight is poor;
perhaps he’ll score
with a...

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THE POET’S PANEGYRIC

“There’s someone I knew with talent unleashed
and a heart that had for so many relentlessly reached
This poet sought inspiration from the living and the dead
But I can tell you this about the poet...

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Preface:
Aye do attest
that poetry may not be best
to express whoosh to chest

git a lee till bitta chump change
boot an overpowering literary force
   to pocket earning for a grange
(hmm...who knows maybe 

  ...

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Trump poems and epigrams V

The prez should be above the law, he sez,
even though he’s no longer prez.
—Michael R. Burch



Mercedes Benz
by Michael R. Burch

I'd like to do a song of great social and political import....

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Ah...herewith ma usual
     dose of pablum from this meal
lee mouthed muttering 
     doggerel wordsmith,
     who now writes...
     so here's...

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H-E-L-P!!!     N-e-e-d     s-o-m-e      b-o-d-y!!!...
Spouse booby trapped husband!!!

Homicide courtesy munch
house zen by proxy
immediately suspected hunch
police, K9 corps, and ambulance
nearly lost their lunch crossing...

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I should have been a Beat Poet

I should have been a Beat Poet
Like Ginsberg or Ferlinghetti
They were good but not that great
Oh, maybe I'm being petty.

I could have driven across the States
Like Cassady and Kerouac
But...

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Prince Charles 

I have read my name on a British novel written by John Doe a few times. 
It begins with a crude remark which gives reference to an old friend from Dublin, then on...

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Contains More Than Kernel Of Truthful 

alienation, expulsion, ostracization 
     from body politick 
     if member of society resistant, 
     indifferent, adamant, et...

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A mechanism of mind in the inner rune                           ...

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Detailing delicate defecation debacle

Otherwise wordily titled: pooped out
after pouring bucketfuls of water into 
place of ablutions
all the while skipping to my loo
umpteen times courtesy bathtub faucet
turned toward hot temperature
so toilet would finally,
magnificently, and royally flush.

As...

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To pick a good subject - to know what to do
A matter that matters 'bout what, where and who
To stick to the script and be stuck in a crowd?
Or stick out as lonely as bright...

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otherwise wordily titled: pooped out
after pouring bucketfuls of water into 
place of ablutions
all the while skipping to my loo
umpteen times courtesy bathtub faucet
turned toward hot temperature
so toilet would finally,
magnificently, and royally flush.

As ofttimes occurred in...

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luckily for our ambiguous plot structure
and the stern requirements of partisan doggerel
the ringing coin toss bounced then came up tails
and fortune directed that the box be opened
gingerly gripped in two slender shaking hands
by Pepper d'Angelo...

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no shortage of familiar metier real
     (material) aye attest
welling up within thy breast
merely a predicament how to winnow

     junk bonded barnacled
     accretion encrusted
...

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Barefoot on the paving slab chill, concrete
feet feel frostbite emanations in their callused souls;
rooftop mystique clamours silent slate triangles,
perched the stray cat observers, red-eyes smoking coals.
Down to the river's edge where swaying reeds
feed mongrel contemplations...

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Oftimes I'm asked; “What drives you, Bro, to generate such verse, 
the bulk of which is awful and the balance, frankly, worse?” 
The dark side of reality fueled each chilling ode by Poe, 
For Macaulay,...

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