Double Limericks

The Platypus: Double Limerick by Michael R. Burch The platypus, myopic, is ungainly, not erotic. His feet for bed are over-webbed, and what of his proboscis? The platypus, though, is eager although his means are meager. His sight is poor; perhaps he’ll score with a passing duck or beaver. The Better Man: Double Limerick by Michael R. Burch Dear Ed: I don’t understand why you will publish this other guy— when I’m brilliant, devoted, one hell of a poet! Yet you publish Anonymous. Fie! Fie! A pox on your head if you favor this poet who’s dubious, unsavor y, inconsistent in texts, no address (I checked!): since he’s plagiarized Unknown, I’ll wager! I have provided the second stanza to a famous limerick: A wonderful bird is the pelican; His beak can hold more than his belican. He can hold in his beak Enough food for a week, Though I’m damned if I know how the helican! Enough with this pitiful pelican! He’s awkward and stinks! Sense his smellican! His beak's far too big, so he eats like a pig, and his breath reeks of fish, I can tellican! —second stanza by Michael R. Burch Time Out and Back In! by Michael R. Burch Hawking’s "Brief History of Time" is such a relief! How sublime that time, in reverse, may un-write this verse and un-spend my last thin dime! Hawking, who makes my head spin, says time may flow backward. I grin, imagining the surprise in my mother's eyes when I head for the womb once again! Self Reflection by Michael R. Burch She has a comely form and a smile that brightens her dorm, but she’s grossly unthin when seen from within; soon a griefstricken campus will mourn. Yet she’d never once criticize a friend for the size of her thighs. Do unto others— sisters and brothers? Yes, but also ourselves, likewise. Hell to Pay by Michael R. Burch A messiah named Jesus, returning from heaven, found his home planet burning & with children unfed, so he ventured: “Instead of war, why not consider cheek-turning?” Indignant right-wingers retorted: “Sir, your pacifist views are distorted! Just pull the plug quickly on someone who’s sickly! Our pursuit of war can’t be aborted!” No Bull by Michael R. Burch There once was a multi-pierced Bull, who found playing hoops far too dull, so he dated Madonna but observed, “I don’t wanna get married, the things she might pull!” So this fast-thinking forward named Rodman then said to his best man—“No problem! When I marry Electra, if the ring costs extra, just yank a gold hoop off my knob, man!”