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Enter Poem or Quote (Required)Required Doggerel I or Nonsense Verse A$$tronomical by Michael R. Burch Einstein, the frizzy-haired, proved E equals MC squared. Thus, all mass decreases as activity ceases? Not my mass, my a$$ declared! Bible Libel by Michael R. Burch If God is good, half the Bible is libel. I came up with this epigram after reading the Bible from cover to cover at age eleven, and wondering how anyone could call the biblical God "good." What Would Santa Claus Say by Michael R. Burch What would Santa Claus say, I wonder, about Jesus returning to Kill and Plunder? For he’ll likely return on Christmas Day to blow the bad little boys away! When He flashes like lightning across the skies and many a homosexual dies, when the harlots and heretics are ripped asunder, what will the Easter Bunny think, I wonder? A Child’s Christmas Prayer of Despair for a Hindu Saint by Michael R. Burch Santa Claus, for Christmas, please, don’t bring me toys, or games, or candy . . . just . . . Santa, please, I’m on my knees! . . . please don’t let Jesus torture Gandhi! Willy Nilly by Michael R. Burch for the Demiurge, aka Yahweh/Jehovah Isn’t it silly, Willy Nilly? You made the stallion, you made the filly, and now they sleep in the dark earth, stilly. Isn’t it silly, Willy Nilly? Isn’t it silly, Willy Nilly? You forced them to run all their days uphilly. They ran till they dropped? life’s a pickle, dilly. Isn’t it silly, Willy Nilly? Isn’t it silly, Willy Nilly? They say I should worship you! Oh, really! They say I should pray so you’ll not act illy. Isn’t it silly, Willy Nilly? Less Heroic Couplets: Murder Most Fowl! by Michael R. Burch “Murder most foul!” cried the mouse to the owl. “Friend, I’m no sinner; you’re merely my dinner!” the wise owl replied as the tasty snack died. Dot Spotted by Michael R. Burch There once was a leopardess, Dot, who indignantly answered: "I’ll not! The gents are impressed with the way that I’m dressed. I wouldn’t change even one spot." Stage Craft-y by Michael R. Burch There once was a dromedary who befriended a crafty canary. Budgie said, "You can’t sing, but now, here’s the thing? just think of the tunes you can carry!" Clyde Lied! by Michael R. Burch There once was a mockingbird, Clyde, who bragged of his prowess, but lied. To his new wife he sighed, "When again, gentle bride?" "Nevermore!" bright-eyed Raven replied. The Beat Goes On (and On and On and On ...) by Michael R. Burch Bored stiff by his board-stiff attempts at “meter,” I crossly concluded I’d use each iamb in lieu of a lamb, bedtimes when I’m under-quaaluded. Lance-Lot by Michael R. Burch Preposterous bird! Inelegant! Absurd! Until the great & mighty heron brandishes his fearsome sword. honeybee by Michael R. Burch love was a little treble thing-- prone to sing and sometimes to sting Kissin’ ’n’ buzzin’ by Michael R. Burch Kissin’ ’n’ buzzin’ the bees rise in a dizzy circle of two. Oh, when I’m with you, I feel like kissin’ ’n’ buzzin’ too. Generation Gap by Michael R. Burch A quahog clam, age 405, said, “Hey, it’s great to be alive!” I disagreed, not feeling nifty, babe though I am, just pushing fifty. Baked Alaskan by Michael R. Burch There is a strange yokel so flirty she makes whores seem icons of purity. With all her winkin’ and blinkin’ Palin seems to be "thinkin’"... "Ah culd save th’ free world ’cause ah’m purty!" Going Rogue in Rouge by Michael R. Burch It'll be hard to polish that apple enough to make her seem palatable. Though she's sweeter than Snapple how can my mind grapple with stupidity so nearly infallible? Pls refudiate by Michael R. Burch “Refudiate” this, miffed, misunderstood Ms!? Shakespeare, you’re not (more like Yoda, but hot). Your grammar’s atrocious; Great Poets would know this. You lack any plan save to flatten Iran like some cute Mini-Me cloned from G. W. B. Admit it, Ms. Palin! Stop your winkin’ and wailin’-- only “heroes” like Nero fiddle sparks at Ground Zero. There was an old man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He awoke in the night with a terrible fright to discover his dream had come true. -Variation on a classic limerick by Michael R. Burch There once was a mockingbird, Clyde, who bragged of his prowess, but lied. To his new wife he sighed, "When again, gentle bride?" "Nevermore!" bright-eyed Raven replied. -Michael R. Burch Dear Ed: I don’t understand why you will publish this other guy, when I’m brilliant, devoted, one hell of a poet! Yet you publish Anonymous. Fie! Fie! A pox on your head if you favor this poet who’s dubious, unsavor y, inconsistent in texts, no address (I checked!): since he’s plagiarized Unknown, I’ll wager! -"The Better Man" by Michael R. Burch The English are very hospitable, but tea-less, alas, they grow pitiable ... or pitiless, rather, and quite in a lather! O bother, they're more than formidable. -"Of Tetley’s and V-2's" by Michael R. Burch Relativity, the theorists’ creed, proves all mass increases with speed. My ass grows when I sit it. Albert Einstein, get with it; equate its deflation, I plead! -Michael R. Burch Hawking, who makes my head spin, says time may flow backward. I grin, imagining the surprise in my mothers’ eyes when I head for the womb once again! -Michael R. Burch Hawking’s "Brief History of Time" is such a relief! How sublime that time, in reverse, may un-write this verse and un-spend my last thin dime! -Michael R. Burch There once was a troglodyte, Mary, whose poots were impressively airy. To her children’s deep shame, their foul condo became the first cave to employ a canary. -Michael R. Burch There once was a Baptist named Mel who condemned all non-Christians to hell. When he stood before God he felt like a clod to discover His Love couldn’t fail! - Michael R. Burch Keywords/Tags: doggerel, nonsense, nonsense verse, light verse, light poetry, humor, silliness, limerick, limericks, nursery rhyme, jingle, jangle, hilarious, Einstein, Bible, God, Jesus
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