I am a mouse, I am I am
I am a mouse, I am
The sort you would surely kill
If you found me in your house.
I am a rat, I am I am
I am a rat, I am
Your voice would suddenly go shrill
If you found me in your hat.
Tongue Tied in Clichés: A Blessing in Disguise
A blessing in disguise,
a double-edged sword—
a far cry from peace,
yet all in all,
at the drop of a hat
we reach for a ballpark figure,
beat around the bush,
break new ground,
burn the midnight oil.
By the book we cut to the chase,
play devil’s advocate,
fill the void with food for thought,
start from scratch,
then get cold feet.
Give the green light,
go down in flames,
hit the nail on the head,
find ourselves in over our head,
jump on the bandwagon,
keep something at bay,
leave no stone unturned.
Out of our depth,
past the point of no return,
we read between the lines,
take it with a grain of salt,
see only the tip of the iceberg—
until at last we throw in the towel.
Recall that rib-tickling comic named Dick
Boundlessly, he performed many a schtick.
He could trip over his own feet
and dance never missing a beat.
Me? I just fall on my face - Fiddlesticks!
Clumsy oaf that I am, I get in my way;
sometimes when I move, my feet want to stay.
It's an art to stumble then rise.
I blame my shoes which are queen-size,
rub my head and say, "This just ain't my day!"
Verse 1]
You're so incredible,
the most amazing man.
I'm taken to new heights of pleasure
with the touch of your hand.
There will never be another man
in my life who compares.
Your eyes, your smile...
no one as perfect anywhere.
I will never forget, or stop loving you...
Well would ya lookie here, my dear…
I can lie too!
[Chorus]
I can lie just like you do!
Make promises, plan dreams that will never come true.
I didn't know I could be such a fool!
I guess I was never, ever
good enough for you...
See? there I go again, I can lie too!
[Verse2]
You are the man
of every woman's dreams.
You sure knew your way
around my body
I guess I had you going
with all the fuss I made
So glad I was the star of all my high-school plays
Because you are an imposter...
And baby I should win an Oscar…
Cause as you can see
I can lie too!
[Chorus]
I can lie just like you do!
Make promises, plan the dreams that are never coming true.
I didn't know I could be such a fool!
I guess I was never, ever good enough for you...
See? there I go again, I can lie too!
Receiving a pie in the crown,
It just might occasion a frown.
But bear well in mind,
One always will find,
The target is never the clown.
I have no ass
My back goes right into my legs
If I didnt have a belt my pants would fall
Its genetic
My dad also has no ass
I would have never known
if someone didnt point it out
I thought I had one before
who looks at their own butt?
I tried to do squats daily
but it didnt help
Implants arent my thing
I am not gangster
my pants just lay like that
There is no cushion to support my pants
No bump
No rump
Just flat backside.
Ignored wounds
do not bleed at once,
but when touched for cure
they ache longer than they should,
reminding us how silence gathers dust
inside the body.
It is not that love is feared,
only that sometimes
its arrival feels unnecessary
like an extra flame
in a room already warm.
Still, a newborn’s breath
teaches another language of affection,
a fragile trust resting
in the hollow of two palms.
Love moves gently,
care bends like grass in wind,
affection lingers in corners
where no one thought to look.
And the hands--
they rise as sky,
they fold as umbrella,
they open as shelter.
One gesture,
a thousand meanings,
all carrying us
a little further away from hurt.
Tree top dwellers
Electric line leapers
Garage roof tenants
They seem to live solely
To gather nuts
Be chased by eager canines,
And flaunt their furry tails.
Our relationship is on shaky ground
We don't kiss each other like before
We don't say hello and goodbye anymore
We give each other the runaround
For the grace of God
We need to sit down to talk things over
We need the help of the Lord
Countless serious promises were made
That we must keep, cherish and honor
We must always sleep in the same bed
Until the end of time, until eternity
We must behave and act maturely
We must discuss everything thoroughly
We must smile and be nice to each other
We must live in peace and in harmony
And our love and passion must last forever.
Copyright © January,2019 Hebert Logerie All Rights Reserved
Hebert Logerie is the author of several books of poetry.
When I arose one day, I could barely walk.
Had to drink my coffee before I could talk.
Before I was done, the bathroom would call,
I held the grab bar, but still managed to fall.
The shower beckoned me, so I went on in.
I slipped on the soap, and bruised my shin.
Later I was hungry, so in the kitchen I go.
I screamed a bit loudly, when I stubbed my toe.
My dog started barking, and looking quite mean.
He then bit my leg, it was a real bloody scene.
I made it to the fridge, and looked inside,
There was nothing to eat, so I sat down and cried.
I ordered a large pizza, and thought "oh well".
But when it arrived, it was burnt as hell.
I tried to take a walk, but my feet were still sore,
Instead of feeling good, it was becoming a chore.
I made it back home, after slipping in the mud,
That's it, I thought, this day's a real dud.
I thought tomorrow will be good, like it's always been,
I laid my head on my pillow, then the ceiling caved in.
Goodnight!
His name was Dan but most called him “snake”,
we listened intently to each thing that he spake.
His voice would croak,
and that is no joke,
Because he was different we thought him a flake.
destined for stardom
I appear on local news
rollers in my hair
I used the love poem generator on here to write this one. I like to do it putting in wild words to create something funny when I am feeling a little down.
My Love, Cucumber
Your skin glows like the orange, blossoms tart as the Mexican Petunia in the purest hope of spring.
My yearning heart rises to your bass drum voice and leaps like a cogar at the whisper of your name, Cucumber.
The evening ascends in on a great great blue heron wing.
I am calmed by your heavy duck that I carry into the twilight of earthbeams and hold next to my feet.
I am filled with hope that I may dry your tears of buttermilk.
As my ears falls from your nose, I am reminded of your frown.
In the hushed, I listen for the last dew drop fall of the spring.
My heated lungs breathe inside my house. I wait in the crystal moonlight for your secret mansion so that we may stands as one, lungs to lungs, in search of the glorious yellow sensual hill of love.
The wedding venue burnt without flame
the moment we stepped in.
You and I, hand in hand, step by step—
we laughed till our facials started aching,
we danced until the floor grew tired.
That was the story of our first day in love.
Twenty five years after marriage~
we now hardly speak,
our children hardly know us.
We rise too early, return too late,
stealing only minutes for
good morning
and how was your night,
before the routine begins again.
Nannies cradle our children in their arms—
they bathe them, clothe them,
and sing them lullabies meant to be sung by us.
Last night I saw your first gray strand,
glinting as you hurried into your car.
I smiled—you’ve joined
my five-year-old company of grays.
Darling,
how many more years
will we remain strangers tied by rings?
When will our children truly be ours?
Forgive me for leaving this note in your shoes,
but I wanted you to find it
before leaving for work this morning.
I said, "Okay! Let's play a little game.
I'll pick a number, and I'll pick a name.
And if you can guess neither,
you'll have to watch my Peter,
while I paint your new door and the new frame."
Specific Types of Funny Poems
Read wonderful funny poetry on the following sub-topics:
adults, birthday, christmas, friends, friendship, graduation, kids, life, love, rhyme, school, silly, teachers
and more.
Definition | What is Funny in Poetry?
Poems Related to Funny
absurd, amusing, bizarre, cracks me up, curious, entertaining, hilarious, hysterical, joke, joking, knee slapper, ludicrous, mysterious, playful, ridiculous, side splitting, silly, slapstick, strange, unusual, weird, whimsical, witty