Pairs

I am an antediluvian lone soul Where does my life’s love roam? I need it to board the boat I need it to create home

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Just That Archaic Poet

Date: 9/13/2013 10:43:00 AM

I had to look up "antediluvian"; I love learning new words. If reworked, this would be an awesome piece. While I like the word "antediluvian", it creates a lot of problems with your prosody in this piece. If you are going to use it, I would omit "lone". I like the ideas of your last two lines, but the way they are worded isn't as strong as they could be. I would suggest an internal rhyme for line 3, like "Far to float aboard my boat" (or something like that). Also try reworking the last line :)

Just That Archaic Poet
Date: 9/13/2013 10:44:00 AM

Kudos, though, bud; I see great potential in you and your work

Date: 3/8/2011 4:08:00 AM

I love this Ryan! Well written! N :)

Phyllis Babcock

Date: 3/1/2011 8:02:00 AM

There are a lot of lone souls who are looking for a place to call home. Very creative. God Bless Phyl