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My Poor Aching 'Bristol Cities' Alternative Title 'A Tale of Two Titties'

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I couldn't resist this picture to go with the poem!!!

A letter from Bristol arrived on my doorstep I knew its contents would cause me such pain An invitation for a routine mammogram – My Goodness …two years have flown past again I arrived at the breast-screening center And sat down on a bright lime green chair The x ray room I soon would enter I’d have to strip off my pink underwear The radiologist asked me some questions - Did I have any worries about my breasts… I replied they were droopy and sagging And no longer pert on my chest! The radiologist laughed at my answer My humour really did break the ice We discussed the detection of breast cancer She listened and was so very nice It was time for the dreaded deed to be done Each breast squashed as flat as a pancake Two images were taken of each compressed one Good grief my boobies don’t half ache! A few moments discomfort can detect cancer Soon the pain was gone from my Bristol Cities Early detection is really the answer And in two years they will re squash my titties! 09~23~16 (Bristol Cities is cockney rhyming slang for titties)

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Lin Lane

Date: 11/15/2017 7:03:00 PM

JUST what I needed to read on the eve of said tests! Thanks!

Jan Allison
Date: 11/15/2017 7:14:00 PM

The line about the droopy boobs was totally true lol and it certainly broke the ice during what is not the most pleasant procedure:-) hugs jan xx

John Michaels

Date: 8/17/2017 12:10:00 PM

Nice to see your humour shining through on a very important subject. Not sure how a poem with "t*tties" in the title slipped through the net onto the Featured section, but congrats! :) All the best, John.

Jan Allison
Date: 8/17/2017 6:00:00 PM

There is a lot that seems to get through the filters at the moment John - i do try and approach the subject with humour and titties was a play on words. Its quite amazing iI was telling some American friends we have just had dinner with about this poem only tonight - and wow its been featured!:-) hugs jan xx

Darren White

Date: 9/30/2016 1:21:00 PM

This is brilliant Jan :-) Glad they can't catch mine though...

Jan Allison
Date: 10/1/2016 7:32:00 PM

Hey don't be complacent ... men do get breast cancer so make sure you check your moobs my friend:-) :-) hugs jan xx

Paul Callus

Date: 9/30/2016 8:23:00 AM

You treat a serious subject with pleasant humour, Jan. You would make a great friendly radiologist! I see that in this case it was YOU who put the radiologist at ease:) Hugs // paul

Jan Allison
Date: 9/30/2016 12:41:00 PM

It is one of those procedures that is essential to help detect cancer but unpleasant to have done - if I can approach it with humour it makes it a lot easier to deal with and it is over pretty quickly:-) hugs Jan xx

Betty Janko

Date: 9/26/2016 2:28:00 PM

Dear Jan, what a cute poem and picture. I actually discovered my own cancer before the mammogram so self exam is essential. Fortunately was a slow growing type and in an optimal location so only needed lumpectomy, radiation, no chemo. Still have to go every year for 5 years and I am somewhat lopsided, but at 73 who cares. I am happy and my 'girls' are happy. Great poem! Betty

Jan Allison
Date: 9/26/2016 4:42:00 PM

Thanks for the lovely comment Betty I am so glad your cancer was discovered early and you have needed no further intervention. I have detected several lumps but they were all ok - its so important for self examination and also to attend the mammograms when they are offered:-) hugs Jan xx

Mama Bear

Date: 9/26/2016 8:44:00 AM

Nothing like English humour and you are the Queen. Loved it fun and educational all in one Its a 7 for me Hugs Edith

Jan Allison
Date: 9/26/2016 8:51:00 AM

Thanks so much Mama Bear - its not a pleasant procedure for many but if it detects cancer and ultimately can save lives it is something we need to do:-) hugs Jan xx

Alexis Y.

Date: 9/24/2016 4:14:00 PM

Hi Jan, I want to thank you for your humor. Although mammograms can be painful, I'm willing to go through the pain because it detects cancer:-) Alexis

Jan Allison
Date: 9/24/2016 4:22:00 PM

Thanks Alexis I try to write with humour when ever even on a serious subject - I made the radiographer laugh and that broke the ice - mammograms are painful but are vital in the detection oc cancer and for a few minutes pain they could save our lives ... just 2 more years and it comes round again but I would never turn down the opportunity. They stop routine ones after 70 but i was told they are getting many self referrals at the new breast unit which is great to hear:-) hugs jan xx

Jean Murray

Date: 9/24/2016 3:20:00 PM

By coincidence Jan, my eldest works in Bristol university as a researcher and recently took up a post with the NICE guidelines there. She is presently researching depression for them. I must ask her about new developements on brest cancer detection.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/24/2016 3:27:00 PM

What a co incidence Jean:-) thanks for reading the poem I do appreciate your support:-) hugs Jan xx

Demetrios Trifiatis

Date: 9/24/2016 7:44:00 AM

Hilarious dear Jan! BTW let me know on your next appointment for I wish to be there and... discuss with your doctor the matter of prevention first... hand! Haha! You will be forever healthy my dear! Bless you for making me laugh!

Jan Allison
Date: 9/24/2016 2:24:00 PM

I have to approach these things with humour Demetrios and thanks for you kind offer - will remind you in 2 years time lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Shadow Hamilton

Date: 9/24/2016 6:52:00 AM

very humorous Jan love it I agree cancer is a terrible thing hugs

Jan Allison
Date: 9/24/2016 2:23:00 PM

Thanks Shadow:-) hugs Jan xx

Matthew Anish

Date: 9/24/2016 12:59:00 AM

Cancer is such a scourge - I am a cancer survivor - colon cancer. Hope you have the best of health. Stimulating poem! "Bristol Cities" - new one on me! Peace & Love Matthew Anish

Jan Allison
Date: 9/24/2016 5:32:00 AM

Can't agree with you more about cancer being a scourge, but without my hubbies cancer I never would have started writing. So glad you are a survivor like my hubby:-) Stay well:-) hugs Jan xx

Phyllis Babcock

Date: 9/23/2016 4:48:00 PM

Had me chuckling and as we women know not a lot of fun to be squashed like a pancake.lol Learned something new now I can call them Bristol cities and think hubby would like that dessert idea too. love phyl

Jan Allison
Date: 9/23/2016 4:51:00 PM

It's a serious subject but I had to approach it with humour:-) hugs jan xx

Nette Onclaud

Date: 9/23/2016 3:13:00 PM

okay, you had me in a gas pain mode again, jan... downright funny.. huggs

Jan Allison
Date: 9/23/2016 3:19:00 PM

I had to write about my experience today - we do have a brand new breast care unit at the hospital ... and I really did say the lines in the third stanza - well you have to laugh about these things lol:-) hugs jan xx

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 9/23/2016 3:12:00 PM

- Star World X - Rays machine .... I do not forget it ... no sexy pink underwear .... use old grandma underpants ... it's a monster - Love the humor, Jan :) - hugs // Anne-Lise :)

Jan Allison
Date: 9/23/2016 3:18:00 PM

I did ask her about less painful ways of doing mammograms I understand they can detect using thermal imaging ... but you would still need a mammogram afterwards and the procedure isn't recognised by NICE so until such times as they invent a new machine its squashed boobies for us:-( hugs Jan xx

Maurice Rigoler

Date: 9/23/2016 2:24:00 PM

Nicely done, Jan. The subject matter needed humor. And thank you for explaining Bristol Cities to us Americans. By-the-way, a city in my state is also called Bristol. Indeed many cities and towns have English namesakes. Thanks for the stop. / M

Jan Allison
Date: 9/23/2016 2:28:00 PM

Thanks Maurice - I had to write a poem after my experience today and the line about the sagging boobies really did break the ice... and couldn't believe it when I saw the postmark on the envelope and had to make reference to 'Bristol' so if you ever hear anyone say 'shes got a nice pair of 'Bristols' you will know what it means lol:-) hugs jan xx

Tim Smith

Date: 9/23/2016 1:05:00 PM

Way to break the ice Jan. Good news. I just saw an article today about a research study that has been effective for breast cancer without radiation. It is a combination of two drugs. The biggest hurdle they say is one of the drugs is only approved for use with chemo.

Jan Allison
Date: 9/23/2016 1:25:00 PM

WOW that is great news Tim - they are making such progress in that area... now if only they could find a way to stop cancer in the first place:-) hugs Jan xx

Daniel Turner

Date: 9/23/2016 12:59:00 PM

Great news in a humorous setting. I'm just glad they don't have penisgrams or worse yet scrotumgrams. I'm glad you are cancer free. Enjoyed the fun read!

Jan Allison
Date: 9/23/2016 1:31:00 PM

I am sure if they had the same type of procedure for 'men's bits' then someone would soon invent a new machine!!!! lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Jan Allison
Date: 9/23/2016 1:01:00 PM

I will get the results in about 3 weeks - the fact the letter came from Bristol and not the Isle of man was co incidence... but it was perfect for the poem theme!:-) hugs Jan xx