I

. This fate is not final and irrevocable. Hope was not made to exist. dum spiro, spero I face battles with Id as my sole weapon. Always defeated, conquered by my conceited self, I come to God—to Him I surrender, to Him I give my vow. History was made to endure— to be our gover- ness, to be victo- rious. dum vivi- mus, vivamus. And now, as my true battle unra- vels, the only weapon I had has become my foe. Defeated once more I come to You for Your refuge, and to You I pledge again my vows; but none had lived long. Never had I won a fight against Id and never was I a victor. vae victis. As for this defeat not to continue, I would be more than willing to sacrifice my sanity, to give it up if this will also be the grounds for me to be far from You…