When Holmes ejaculated,
'It doesn't take a brilliant detective
to identify many of the people
on this planet are damaged or defective,'
Dr. Watson was heard to observe,
'Never a truer word spoken.
Most we meet, at 221B Baker street,
are utterly, if not completely, broken.
Psychologists reason, 'Conditioning's the cause
for them to follow such absurd routines,'
but it's my considered and confirmed belief,
insanity really and truly runs in the genes.'
'pon reflection, in the blink of an eye,
quoth Sherlock in reply,
'All the King's horses and all the King's men,
couldn't put Humpty together again,
and the same goes for those we know.
But if I'm wrong on that, I'll eat your bowler hat,
or my deerstalker chapeau.'
The charming Lady Adler Irene;
Was strangely nowhere to be seen;
As revealed by this clear blanked out scene;
Where those who knew her said she'd been,
Where oft she did appear.
That splendid genius Sherlock Holmes;
For whom no mystery stayed unsolved;
Took up the case within a beat;
As it transpired this curious feat,
Involved his very own sweet dear.
Now Holmes used every trick he knew;
He studied every minute clue;
Searched high and low to no avail;
There simply was no sign or trail,
To indicate what foul did play or who.
But dear Irene had not been taken;
She had in fact just been forsaken;
Her jealous Holmes would have decried;
Her talent, should she ever have tried,
To solve a case or two.
One assumed she changed her name to Ira;
Bought tickets to the Riviera;
With an Italian beau in tow;
To crack the case of how Italians row,
To show her Holmes!
But Irene's path led not to Rome;
Her beauty lost on Sherlock Holmes;
Jamaica had seduced her mind;
She lost herself in Caribbean rhyme,
A rum filled hut now home.
I went to my mailbox and was in shock,
There was a mysterious letter in there.
It was from a person named Sherlock,
My nerves on edge, I fiddled my hair.
Its arrival was from across the pond.
I thought to myself “Why little ole me?”
My inner voice was quick to respond
“ Send it back.” Was her honest plea.”
Although my hands were shaking badly,
I ignored my conscience and opened it up.
What I saw touched my heart gladly.
My friend with whom we shared a pup,
She had moved to England so long ago.
Told her fiancee’s best friend all about me,
I write back, our conversation had a nice flow.
It’s been two years, now Sherlock is my bestie.
distant wolves sniff at the winds,
sense what you do not.
your death hums in the air!
pings run through your heart
to raise a berm of hair!
Baskerville hounds now shift
from lope to lunge.
their thirst for blood has come!
rapacious tongues make clear
your death is in their mouths!
[Inspired by ‘Stating The Obvious’
Contest but doesn’t meet the spec]
Millionaire, Bartholomew Fairfax
Admitted today, he ‘forgot’ to pay tax
Goodness gracious, well I never
Knock me over with a feather
Who’d have thought it
Pull the other one
And this from his latest press release
The girl on his arm was not his niece
You’re kidding, no way
No sh1t Sherlock, you don’t say
Tell me something I don’t know
Shut the front door, I’ll be blowed
His jewel bedecked wife in her large golden carriage
Is backing her man for the sake of their marriage
Who’d have guessed it, Gosh, who knew
Crikey, Get away with you,
Well I’m gobsmacked,
I was not born yesterday
Still to come in The News tonight
Two youths in a pub have been in a fight
And the final result in formula one...
The man in the fastest car has won
Goodness gracious, well I never
Knock me over with a feather
Who’d have thought it
Pull the other one
Sherlock and Watson looked at the woman with blank expressions
What they had were some totally unique impressions
Watson was looking at her, thinking what a poor little thing
Sherlock was wishing the 221 Baker Street bell still did not ring
Her story was not sound in any sort of way to Sherlock who was not fooled.
Watson was ready to slay a dragon and help the woman, he needed to be schooled.
They heard about the dead body but there was no evidence in the least.
The forged papers were blurry, smeared and quite creased.
Her eyesight was not terrific, so Sherlock proved that she did not see what she said.
Watson was the one who figured out that without blood or a body no one was dead.
She was bipolar, and confused, a woman who simply needed her med.
So they sent her to a doctor who prescribed lithium and put her to bed.
Sherlock
Watson was a good man.
He stood by his friend, regardless of what happened.
Sherlock was a good man also.
Consumed by his intellect, lost in his own thoughts.
Together they were unstoppable.
The lesson is elementary.
Together we are stronger then apart.
We are greater as a whole then in pieces.
It does not take a great man like Sherlock to puzzle that out.
It is readily apparent with the slightest amount of common sense.
If you are unclear what that is…”common sense”…
They sell it on Amazon.
They sell everything now.
When Sherlock Holmes is solving a case
the villains footsteps he must retrace
He's such an excellent sleuth
and will uncover the truth
his detection skills truly are ace!
Limerick 3 Contest
Sponsored by Joseph May
9,9,9,7,7,9
2/1/19
Sherlock Holmes was seen at the local bar
Spying while drinking and smoking cigars
Ready to break his crime case
And take down the shady place
While Watson safely waited in the car
1/29/19
Limerick 3 contest
Sponsor: Joseph May
( 10,10, 7,7, 10)Howmanysyllables.com
If Sherlock was sleuthing today,
the baddies would groan in dismay,
to prison they'd go,
remorseful, they'd know
that (fictional) crime doesn't pay...
for Joseph's Sherlock Holmes limerick contest, written 29th January
the great detective sherlock holmes
he will never leave you alone
if you do the crime
you will do the time
as through the evidence he combs
Limerick 3 Poetry Contest
Sponsored by: Joseph May
1/28/19
Inspector Sherlock De La Maison, betcha can't guess who this is
A bilingual mystery detective, he was quite a whiz
His loyal sidekick Dr.James Ergson
Was often seen as quite irksome
Good luck solving this extremely silly quiz
erg/watt :)
Sherlock Holmes once said to Watson,
“This murder was done by a dachshund!
It’s quite elementary;
He’s short and he’s hairy
And walks with two pairs of socks on.”
Opening the fridge,
All of the chocolate gone-
Shivers down my spine.
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