Ah! What was that?
I shriek and freeze
Something flew past
I almost dropped.
It wasn’t a bird
Or anything sweet
It had long feelers
And too many feet.
It circled once
Then took a dive
I questioned how
I’d make it out alive.
Its shell was shiny
Its stare was mean
The ugliest thing
I’ve ever seen.
I grabbed a shoe
Prepared to swing
But it took flight.
The cursed thing had wings!
I ran and screamed
Down the hall
Not so brave
Not tough at all.
But fear held me back,
I couldn’t get away,
Hands trembling,
I faced it anyway.
Then I saw it
I stepped in slow,
Still full of fear,
It didn’t move,
But I wouldn’t go near.
I grabbed a slipper,
Threw hard from afar,
Missed on the first,
Then followed up hard.
I raised my sandal,
Gave one last swing,
A nasty crunch,
I ended the thing.
glowing stars are taking notes
evil elm trees have eyes
that window has peeping tom’s votes
my world is filled with spies
the woman was breathless
her claims were given in loud tones
I think she was a bit feckless
she had escape into dire moans
what can I do? I asked trying to help her somehow
see that old man? She said, he’s staring at me now
I ran over to him and chased him with a lawn dart.
What else? I asked, feeling empowered and smart.
I went on a bike ride, I was hyper-alert
I had just emerged from the mental ward
I thought I was despised, felt wounded and hurt
But I lied to the doctor to get out the door
For the first miles I felt the wind in my hair
Then a car drove by, I heard a loud jeer
It was just a dog with his nose in the air
I had mistaken my species, all was clear.
Two miles on, an ambush from the side
A loud sneer, I felt sudden stress
On closer look, a Downs Syndrome guy
I let out my breath, stress got less.
Got into Kingston, car passed, a shout
"Go Home" it said, and then passed by
Was this true, should I block it out?
Why riff off a chord, if the chord don't apply?
Ten miles later, a hand reached out of a car
Tried to push me off the road
They failed, but threw my mind's door ajar
Stress climbed, I felt I would explode.
I crested a hill, a view opened wide
Then I started to think, was it all the same?
Why get anxious, on this scenic ride?
My illusions and theirs - it' was all a game.
I walked in and was blindsided,
your racing pulse I had to steal.
With the first glance fate decided,
I walked in and was blindsided.
Crazy train of thoughts misguided
this love to me seemed so unreal.
I walked in and was blindsided,
your racing pulse I had to steal.
Surrounded by his weapons
they’re all that he has left
Of happiness and love
his rotting soul is long bereft
Obsessed with dreams of grandeur
a kingdom in his reach
He hides inside a fortress
fearing always of a breach
Will his food be poisoned?
Will it be his drink?
The paranoid dictator lives
each moment on the brink
Paranoid thoughts, like shadows they creep.
As your eyes flicker wildly in this REM sleep.
The clock ticks so loudly, each hour it chimes.
As my mind runs away, in a world out of time.
A voice starts to echo, as I lie in this bed.
Whilst this voice whispers softly, puts a doubt in my head.
As your mind starts to question what's real and what's false.
While you dance with the devil in a dark, lonely waltz.
While the walls close in tighter, my breath quickens fast.
As my mind starts to wonder, in these thoughts I feel trapped.
My chest start to tighten, the anxiety kicks in.
This insomnia I'm feeling has my head in a spin.
I find truth in the whispers. It gives me strength in the fight.
As I battle my demons just to get through this night.
In the midst of this chaos, a flicker remains.
A flicker of hope, to break out from these chains.
I will awake from this darkness and confront every fear.
As the night turns to day, these dark thoughts disappear.
Though these paranoid thoughts they may linger and creep.
I'll find peace in the silence when I wake from this sleep.
Waves of nausea crash against my splintering ribcage,
stomach churning, bile burning through esophageal walls.
Choking on paranoia-fueled delirium,
self-inflicted wounds etched upon a fragile psyche,
all while I try to hold on to some semblance of my humanity.
Push and pull, breaking down walls,
then building them back up, reinforced.
Love never came easy in delusion-filled memories,
always hovering at the cusp of fiction,
ready to strike like a coiled python.
Then, like glass, tears would cascade down,
begging for forgiveness.
Paranoia-induced hallucinations gripped my marrow again,
coursing through tainted bloodstreams,
blinding any sense of reason.
So life imitated drug-soaked nightmares
as my security slipped through calloused fingers once more.
While the rain pummels down against abandoned dreams,
I am haunted by you in this empty house.
Nothing but phantoms of the past roam
in the dead of night,
wailing in the deafening silence,
a requiem for my inner demons’ eternal torment.
("Dark Pool Nebula", 2011, original oil)
Burdened By What Has Been
Each moment
The addition of a trillion bits of information
Like compounding interest
On the rest of eternity
(8/15/24)
("Untitled", aka "The Crawling Eye", 2018, original encaustic)
Paranoid Eyes
We live in the old part of town
Where the walls have ears
And the dark, eyes
We have learned to watch
What we say and do
Until mere husks remain
Of former selves
But we are proud
To live in such a world
Where inside is out
And out knows what is in
Where age-old atavistic fears
Have been projected
Into technological feats
We even like
That our phones know
What we want to buy
Before we do
The iron fist of the surveillance state
Now just a velvet glove
On a limp consumer wrist
At least we have our dreams
The place where all lights shine,
And all eyes turn, on us
The land before time
Within the prison of our minds
Secure that we, while endlessly watching,
Are at least the only ones
(10/17/23)
Is it me? Am I paranoid?
Take to me, fill my void
Listen, like a humanoid
Run to me, fast as an asteroid
Worries, avoid
Your love, steroid
Stress, devoid
Your love, opioid
Reality - what it's really like, save paranoid
I'll attempt explaining, why I won't make eye contact
can't look you in thee eye, I'd rather be in a void
some take this as being shy, why complain this or that
I trust no one, I judge no one
Direct questions O' I do shun
eccentric, nah! Just, going it alone
avoid catastrophic disturbances also confusion
Reasoning unsound, why blame peace an order
I'll set, with my back to a wall, for no intrusion
feeling disregard for any direct instruction
to struggle with having a harmless disturbance
visitors, new faces I think they came to spy
my life, an open book, people complain without reason
some are aware, that know me, how hard I try
moving continually, Paranoia will destroy ya, why
why Is there no cure for such behavior
only when I let it get that best of me
truth is- I want to be safe, undisturbed, forever
give in to Paranoia, ill eh? I need to feel I'm free
Grayanotoxins affect both cardiovascular and respiratory systems. Symptoms include a burning sensation in the mouth and pharynx, anoxia, salivation, emesis, muscular weakness, dimness of vision and bradycardia followed by severe hypotension, respiratory paralysis, coma, and death.
Note.(supari killer goli ya Teka)
There is always a temptation to allow passion to become so close-
So I see any efforts to help as sabotage.
None of them think my passions make any sense.
Maybe that’s because I am trying to grasp at too many sparks.
Maybe I am scared that all my efforts can be undone by one person’s doubt.
So I keep those passions a secret that ends up dissolving.
So all I can do is leave behind pages of ramblings.
Ramblings that turn to secrets that will shatter if unturned.
It is sad that what they are noticing is not my motivation-
But instead they can sense me becoming more distant.
I can not allow my passion to be tainted by their advice.
Advice that I fear could be sabotage.
As they are all plotting my undoing.
We have become paranoid
Lost our capabilities to care and think
Conspiracy theories abound
Every time we blink.
We don’t trust, we don’t believe
And sadly
Deeper into darkness our souls do sink.
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