Why do I feel so different than the rest of Society
How come I get so overwhelmed with this Anxiety
Everything’s in slow motion and I can’t hear a sound
My fear increases as my heart begins to pound
Close to hyperventilating with no end in sight
Living in a constant state of fight or flight
This happens all the time it’s becoming Problematic
Everyday I’m becoming increasingly symptomatic
Why do I always get so easily triggered
I’m guess it must be the way my brains configured
This is something I deal with every hour of every day
I need to find a solution. I need to find a way
A moment of dread
The world crushing inside my head
The mind throbbing
All thoughts locking
Eyes gone blurred
Speech slurred
Head spinning
Lights dimming
Sweat falling
Feel yourself dropping
Grab anything to steady
Palms sweaty
Heartbeat sky rockets
Tummy vomits
Hard to catch each breath
Hoping next is death
Just one thought.
Just one action or word.
Now spiraling down tragedy lane.
Stomach in knots, nausea burning the back of my throat.
Breathing turning shallow.
Body temperature too hot yet too cold all at the same time.
Who knew breathing could be so hard.
Focusing on the inhale filling my lungs.
Exhaling to expel the gut-wrenching feeling anxiety so kindly left behind.
You leave the safety
of your front gate
and enter into fear.
The early morning quiet
magnifies your every movement
into a noise - footsteps,
breath, the sound
of arms scraping
against a coat.
You don't want
to be heard.
There is nothing
to hold onto
in this ocean of streets,
houses and motorcars.
The world is bottomless
and beneath your feet
there is terror.
You are now
too far out.
You try and hold
your breath
as you begin
to feel the panic grip.
The mind thrashes
in a pointless effort
to surface but you
are too deep.
A scream gets stuck
in your throat.
Somehow you survive,
get washed up
feeling wrung out
and alone
on the shores
of yourself.
Beached between
guilt and shame,
you hide
in that familiar place
you keep coming back to,
time and time again.
My heart started beating so fast I thought it would break
My hands were shaking; I felt dizzy and unsteady
Unappreciated, threatened, I began to run
I had never done that before at a job
A co-worker tried to stop me; she said I did not look well
I screamed and kept running
When will this feeling ever stop, Palpitations from my heart.
I can't go out into the world how did these feelings start.
My sweaty palms and pounding head
I'm just so scared to get out my bed.
People will judge me I just can't cope,
feels like my hearts being pulled by a rope.
My cheeks are getting tingles pins and needles down my arm,
What did I do to deserve this? I never mean no harm.
my legs just feel like jelly my sight is getting weak,
I start gasping for air my mouth won't let me speak.
I lie myself down flat on my back,
please God don't let this be a heart attack.
Minutes go by I drift of to sleep,
I hope I wake up my life I want to keep.
When I came around my heart was beating fine,
It was just another panic attack of mine.
When this feeling comes again I'll just lie on my back,
I know I am not dying it's just a panic attack
I want to crawl inside a crevice
Live behind the walls
Hide deep with the darkness
No sun or light at all
I want noone to see me
They can't know where I am
I need to breathe, be alone
They're drowning me again
My tired mind keeps racing
The thoughts won't stop, won't yield
They're rampant, big, explosive
An active brain mine field
So I'm looking for a refuge
Somewhere that I can hide
Cocoon inside a secret place
To recover, to survive
Panic Attack - I hate that you are here,
Panic Attack - I live constantly in fear.
Panic Attack - How on earth do I cope?
Panic Attack - All I want is to elope.
Panic Attack - You sure won't beat me,
Panic Attack - You'll lose I guarantee.
Panic Attack - So long, I bid you farewell,
Panic Attack - I'm going to send you to hell.
It’s chaos.
Red-hot blood pumping
Veins pulsing
Hands shaking
Sheets of black behind my eyes–
Yet I’m still alive.
Rope cuts into my bare feet
Wary as I tread the line
The end stretches farther than I can see
My eyes veer down
Expecting to find the ground miles beneath me
But all I see are sheets
The boulders below are just a pillow cradling my neck
The humid air wrapping itself around my body,
whipping as I try to keep myself stable,
is a blanket that swaddles my aching bones
Panic sets into the bones
I fear that I will fall
Yet there is nothing to fall into
I could dive in but never crash
The impact comes in shaking shoulders
Splitting head with no blood to show for it
Forehead against the bedrock
All I feel is agony as I nestle in and fall asleep
"Draw back the curtain, peek past the smile
And from within the darkness growls the pain
Listen closely, hiding behind the laughter
As a single teardrop leaves it’s stain"
"While abundant and free for all
I struggle to grasp my share
I am screaming inside
While others go on without a care"
"My demons strangle like vines
Thorns drawing blood from their grip
I fear your glance will reveal the secret
That every shred of confidence has been stripped"
"What was once my altar
My sanctuary, my pride ...
With no warning and soulless indifference
Is now the prison I’m trapped inside"
"Life is no longer hallowed
As my reflection mockingly glares
Deeper and deeper into my soul
Sinks this cross that I must bear"
With macabre-like fear, I fret as Death glides near,
all too near! And in my ears, buried deep,
ticks a ghostly tick-tock—it's all I hear
(so deep, deep in my ears I cannot sleep)!
I'm manic; and with every breath I panic
and hyperventilate, as my lungs scream
for air—as from a nightmare truly horrific,
a dream unlike any phantasmic dream
I've ever dreamt of! With unavailing breath,
I wane—wane morbidly as though on death's bier,
embalmed for entombment in a grave beneath
(as I agonize, because the end feels so near).
In paralyzing fear of these panic attacks,
I'll soon die in their death throes and climax!?
Feet plated firmly on the black plastic flooring.
The aroma of old gas station food fills my senses.
The way out of my head is to my right, the path to be free, the path to leave.
But we move ever so, enough to keep me in, encapsulated in my cell, unable to be free.
I tuck my eyes into the darkness caressing my body,
my legs, everywhere but my face.
To go numb, to free myself, to find unconsciousness once more so that finally, finally the world seen outside these reinforced glass views finally stops. And I am free.
The rush of the waves in the shell
Is as calm as my brain
The waves that I hear
Are the blood in my ear
And my ear is going insane
Deepening the roar inside the shell
The rush of the waves entices a smell
The smell of salty sweat
The sweat that I feel
Is as slick as an eel
And the gross of being wet
Increasing the nauseating smell
The rush of the waves becomes more like hell
My ears making a louder duet
To the wet of the storm inside of my veins
My imagination creating the rains
Causing the shipmen, their voyage, regret
Wishing to escape this sudden hell
I can’t believe the panic that I feel.
This surge of “scary”. . . rapidly my heart
is pounding pounding. This is like the start
of a bad ride I can’t get off. Surreal!
My heart keeps throbbing. What is going ON?
I can’t stay where I am. I need to go!
But where? What can I do? I do not know!
I need for everything to just be gone!
And now I bring my hands up to my face.
as if my thoughts I’ll bury in this way?
This horrid feeling only wants to stay.
This is a terror I cannot erase.
I pace, but there’s no space, so then I flee
into my room while choking on pure dread.
I try deep breathing lying on my bed
and tearfully plead, “God, please rescue me.”
N/A poem:Aug 5, 2020 for the "Be Inspired" Poetry Contest
(based on a time I had a panic attack like this)
Now for 'STRAND COMPLETELY NEW (23) ,any form,any theme' Poetry Contest
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