Lost on Maury Tanya.
Ball selected for
next grieving session,
Hence was he was forth
too far to be gone.
Woke up this morning
come to find
can’t recall a thing at all
really think I’ve lost my mind
after sleep digging deep
to collect my thoughts
and what I recollect
amounts to naught
insufficient hard drive RAM
my memory is shot
what I remember as best I can
is not a lot it's diddley-squat
it's failing me
old age is what's ailing me
and yet will I forget
such a harsh reminder
of my younger days
when life was so much kinder
but never mind the state of Denmark
between the ears something's rotten
reduced to tears I believe
it's my amnesia I'd forgotten
Memories lost within a frozen mist
And dangling in the static atmosphere
Of muddled recollection of things dear
Haunt the backwoods of the years she has missed.
Through foggy glances, blurred thoughts that persist
In the dim haze, shapes of the past, appear;
These flittering figures, some far, some near,
Skitter through her mind, meek and shadow-kissed.
But soon they drift to a fathomless past,
A time she can no longer touch, just hear.
Rocking mechanically, her face austere,
She searches, brow stuck in a furrowed twist.
As I watch her eyes wander vacant space,
I wonder, “Will she still recall my face?”
I've forgotten how to love, the sky's pale glow,
The drift of stars, the tender pull of evening tides.
The world seems veiled, its murmurs soft and slow,
As if the heart of time itself had simply died.
No trembling song beneath a moonlit glow,
No lingering warmth where hands once dared to touch.
The years march on, their faces cold and dark,
And love retreats, a horse on quiet hooves.
Yet in the dark, a flicker sparks above—
The echo of the memory of the love, I now forget.
I walk within a shadowed hall,
Where echoes fade before recall,
The walls are bare, the mirrors blind,
A labyrinth, a maze in my own mind.
Fragments are scattered like broken glass,
Like a thousand leaves beneath the sun,
I search for truths I cannot find,
Each moment lost, each thread unlined.
The years slip by, a voiceless tide,
They took my past and let me hide.
What hands have written on my page,
What silent thief, what silent rage?
Faces hover, in the ether as mist,
Names unspoken, moments missed.
The weight of time, a hollow sphere,
Its whispers lost, its meaning unclear.
And yet, some part of me remains,
A song beneath the sharpest pains.
The heart remembers what the mind forgets,
In sorrow's cradle, no regrets.
Though my memory falters, cracks, and breaks,
Each gap, a wound, each ache, an ache,
I gather pieces, sharp and blunt,
And weave the fabric in my mind.
For even as the past decays,
I hold to light, to brighter days,
A fractured soul, yet still I try,
With open hands, beneath wide skies.
History books rewritten,
pages turned, truths overturned.
Past reconstructed.
Memories are planted like seeds,
carefully cultivated.
Reality harvested.
Leaders cast long shadows,
dark spots conveniently erased.
Selective illumination.
Monuments rise and fall,
stone faces weather time.
Legacies carved in flux.
Archives are sealed tight,
skeletons locked in national closets.
Dust settles on truth.
Oral traditions whisper
voices echo through generations.
Unwritten resistance.
Media spins its web,
catching minds in sticky narratives.
Information trapped.
Textbooks sanitised,
rough edges smoothed away.
Comfortable fictions.
Anniversaries observed,
some celebrated, others buried.
Time's biased march.
Nostalgia is a rose-tinted lens,
focusing on the golden ages.
Present found wanting.
Trauma is passed down,
And cellular memory encoded.
Inherited burdens.
Collective amnesia spreads,
Convenient forgetfulness is contagious.
Society's blind spots.
Memory becomes a battlefield,
mind's eye the spoils of war.
Consciousness colonised.
Yet, truth persists,
stubborn seeds in concrete cracks.
Remembrance rebels.
Tech support informed us
There is nothing they can do
For the signal sent by Sirius
Won’t work with Subaru.
Not all cars have been affected,
Just the Foresters (of course!)
And the techies have been working
Hard to find the problem’s source.
We were told it’s like amnesia,
So the radio forgets
How to access all the stations
And the tech guy had regrets
But he couldn’t fix the issue;
Ours will stay an open case
And they wonder why technology
We old folks don’t embrace!
A city without streets…
a pain in the memory
Like an amputated limb
still aching at night
A city without people
a bane on existence
Their shadows to wander
—down avenues unnamed
(Dreamsleep: September, 2022)
Amnesia suffered,
our heart yet proffered
prayer into space,
imbibing God’s grace.
With symbols all gone,
we’re here now reborn;
innate aliveness,
one with That oneness.
No thoughts interfere,
as bliss throbs so spear
each pore of our form;
divine caress warm.
We need no preacher,
for God’s our teacher,
showing love’s the way,
lighting up each day.
There’s no this or that,
arguments fall flat,
for we all are one,
children of the sun.
06-June-2022
The memories of her that hurt the most
are always good, not bad;
they ambush when I'm less engrossed.
Recalling happy times we had
is guaranteed to change my mood to sad.
Her birthday will be very soon
and I shall play no part -
another year, the same old tune:
my smile will not betray my heart
is aching that we live apart.
So she will never hear
how much I scream inside.
But does she ever shed a tear?
If so, she'd quickly override
regrets - or guilt for tears I've cried.
written 8th March for Emile's English Quintain contest
mouthing thoughts offered
thinking past memories droughts
amnesia forgot
2/17/22
Scrub away the remnants of
emblazoned colours that have
mixed down to mud.
Settled in pore.
Scraped through every crease.
Dead finery clings in layers that
have fused over years, bringing
me closer to a man I don’t know.
Brittle skin.
Exposed to morning air.
I cut myself open and count
the secret rings of my idiocy.
If I dress this wound that mimics
a smile I may still bleed through,
yet manage the infection.
I will always rub in the salt, kick
the man when he’s down.
Like amnesia Lazarus he will
always rise again and ask for more.
Dumb, surprised, and ultimately lost.
Once the future promised brilliance, but it never came to light
As the star I’d used to guide me dimmed and blended with the night.
The astronomy of darkness lured me farther from my goal
Till I stumbled at the crossroads where I lost my self control.
This magnificent amnesia puts the washboard to my shame.
Can’t remember where I’m headed. Don’t recall from where I came.
Empty cans amid the crossties, broken bottles by the rail,
Are the blazes and the landmarks that illuminate my trail;
Like conspicuous reminders of an unforgiving past,
Through a thousand level crossings, each more lonesome than the last.
But magnificent amnesia plays its lullaby refrain.
To memories asleep in the asylum of my brain.
Once the future wore the costume of a carefree, smiling rogue;
Now it slouches like a ragman down a narrow dead end road.
I don’t b*tch and moan, regardless; only mama’s boys complain.
I just trudge on in the darkness through a piss of pouring rain.
This magnificent amnesia is the perfect compromise,
And a cavalier expression is my everyday disguise.
Given that we have amnesia
How may we reclaim soul presence
Earth life, a baffling enigma
Shrouded is our luminescence
Stillness the way, our prognosis
Given that we have amnesia
Silence exits self-hypnosis
Renouncing ego agenda
Spiralling thought inertia
Adds to lower mind confusion
Given that we have amnesia
Optimal path, meditation
This world of transience, unreal
It is but a dream arena
Throb of love, alone has appeal
Given that we have amnesia
08-July-2021
My lips drip of the words
I want to express
Follow my hands
I’ll trace a map for us
On your skin
We will meet in the middle
Hands in hand
Colors overflowing
Our cups
The wands spinning out of control
Moving out of their own accords
Meet me down at the lobby
We can change the world, I said
We had set each other free
The twilight nights at the beach
Playing those
Coldplay and Chainsmokers songs
You liked
How we danced on that stage
The spotlight was on us
Sneaking smiles across behind the curtains
Our eyes closed
In the dark of the velvet
The never ending pills and
The overflowing vodka
The sleepless nights
That Polaroid shot of me
You took at the beach
The shades
As dark as it was bright
Vivid and wild
Only as wild as young as we are
Unforgettable,
It was good while it lasted
Until I had to let it go
The reds and blues were
Flaming in my eyes
Streaming down my face
Staining me
In a dye of our
Dying love
In its breathing wake
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